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Дон Тиксот
Don Tyxote
Сезон: 02Серия: 21
Описание
Поскольку Крапополис классифицируется как воюющее государство, Ступендус сообщает Тираннису о проблемах с руководством. Предполагая, что ему нужна новая тога, Тираннис отправляется в ближайшую палатку, где его находит военная вдова по имени Хира, и получает от неё новый наряд. Это приводит к изменению в характере Тиранниса, и он начинает планировать отправку своих подданных в армию для вторжения в Персию, одновременно призывая в армию кочевых пастухов, которых планировал Ступендус. Тем временем Делирия и Шлуб начинают играть в ролевые игры, путая разные вещи друг с другом. В то же время Гиппокамп и Скотт защищают трон от узурпаторских мотыльков.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:05,811 Do you see this? Krapopolis is depicted
- 00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:08,083 as one of many tiny warring city-states.
- 00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:09,953 At least they showed us as warring.
- 00:00:10,086 --> 00:00:12,391 My army is basically just me these days.
- 00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:14,930 A ton of my best guys got really into woodworking
- 00:00:15,030 --> 00:00:16,299 and stopped showing up.
- 00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:18,003 Ugh, not again!
- 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,405 I just got this washed!
- 00:00:19,507 --> 00:00:21,677 Uhh! Excuse me, King coming through!
- 00:00:21,777 --> 00:00:24,115 Uch, king of what? Spilling gruel on yourself?
- 00:00:24,182 --> 00:00:25,317 I didn't spill it on myself.
- 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:26,753 One of my careless subjects
- 00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:28,090 dropped it out of a window on me.
- 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:29,125 Subjects?
- 00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:30,261 Is that what you think of us?
- 00:00:30,394 --> 00:00:31,697 I always thought we were more like
- 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:33,568 equally-valuable acquaintances.
- 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,104 I'm beginning to think you have
- 00:00:35,237 --> 00:00:36,405 a leadership problem.
- 00:00:36,506 --> 00:00:37,842 No. It's a toga problem.
- 00:00:37,909 --> 00:00:39,111 I'm gonna pick up a couple of spares
- 00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,480 at that menswear tent over there--
- 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,519 Aah! Oh, God, it's happening again!
- 00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:44,623 Where is this gruel coming from?
- 00:00:44,756 --> 00:00:46,059 Hello? Is anyone here?
- 00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:48,765 It's King Tyrannis, and I'm having a toga emergency.
- 00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,233 King Tyrannis, eh?
- 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,837 It looks like you're having quite a day.
- 00:00:51,938 --> 00:00:53,941 The name's Chira, lonely war widow.
- 00:00:54,042 --> 00:00:56,780 I have to work in this menswear tent because my husband died
- 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,887 invading some place he shouldn't have: my sister.
- 00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:01,590 - Oh, my God! - Relax!
- 00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:03,293 That's just a little war widow humor.
- 00:01:03,393 --> 00:01:05,230 But your husband is dead, right?
- 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,769 Oh, yeah, he is, and he slept with my sister.
- 00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:11,142 But the bigger tragedy is, I don't think that toga
- 00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,813 is doing you any favors.
- 00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:15,050 Why don't you try this on?
- 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,020 Ah! I think it would look great on you.
- 00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:19,192 Oh, wow! That is nice.
- 00:01:19,325 --> 00:01:21,329 I know what you're thinking. You're the king.
- 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,466 You should have more medals. Let me get them.
- 00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:25,771 Yes, thank you. Please, more medals.
- 00:01:25,905 --> 00:01:27,341 I like to tinkle when I walk.
- 00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:29,245 These bring out your eyes.
- 00:01:29,345 --> 00:01:31,917 And I know you didn't mean that you like to pee yourself
- 00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:33,320 when you walk.
- 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,057 I'm a war widow, not an idiot.
- 00:01:35,157 --> 00:01:36,392 So whaddya say?
- 00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:38,296 Is my chest getting bigger?
- 00:01:38,363 --> 00:01:40,100 I feel like I could do anything!
- 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,970 I feel like you could, too.
- 00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:43,206 This is big.
- 00:01:43,306 --> 00:01:44,576 This is going to change things for me.
- 00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:46,445 That's the power of Chira's House
- 00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:49,886 of Secondhand Dead Husband Stuff.
- 00:02:11,162 --> 00:02:13,867 Whoo!
- 00:02:16,373 --> 00:02:17,776 Ooooh, hello!
- 00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,112 Who's this commanding fellow?
- 00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:20,347 It's a pretty good look, right?
- 00:02:20,481 --> 00:02:22,118 I can't believe I'm saying this,
- 00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:24,823 but... yes, I didn't even know you had good features,
- 00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,527 but they're all popping right now.
- 00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:29,132 What happened to the toga and the backup toga?
- 00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,668 Gruel again.
- 00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:32,371 Toga Ty was the old Ty. I'm trying something new,
- 00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:33,841 and you know what I realized?
- 00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:36,078 We've been complacent with mediocrity for too long.
- 00:02:36,178 --> 00:02:37,816 We need to make some changes around here!
- 00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:38,984 Who is this son
- 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:40,420 and where can I sign up for some?
- 00:02:40,555 --> 00:02:42,190 Listen up. This family needs to be
- 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,094 more goal-oriented if we're going to lead Krapopolis
- 00:02:44,194 --> 00:02:45,631 to a bigger and better future.
- 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,336 And that's my goal: a bigger and better Krapopolis.
- 00:02:48,437 --> 00:02:49,973 Damn, this suit makes me feel good!
- 00:02:50,107 --> 00:02:51,242 Dad, you start.
- 00:02:51,343 --> 00:02:52,512 Well, I'd like to up the stakes
- 00:02:52,646 --> 00:02:54,750 of my sexual role play with your mother.
- 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,553 Things have been a little same-same,
- 00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:59,559 which is still pretty wild for other people, but not us.
- 00:02:59,659 --> 00:03:01,395 OK, so what's holding you back?
- 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,934 I suppose I can find an old wizard who can turn me
- 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:05,470 into anything I want.
- 00:03:05,571 --> 00:03:08,544 And I've been meaning to try out some different forms.
- 00:03:08,711 --> 00:03:11,683 We can meet in a bar as sexy strangers!
- 00:03:11,783 --> 00:03:15,023 Excellent! Let the stranger-danger begin!
- 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,292 Maybe it's not an inspired goal,
- 00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:17,595 but at least it's clearly defined.
- 00:03:17,695 --> 00:03:19,231 Hippo, what are you working on?
- 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:21,436 I've noticed you haven't debuted anything in a while,
- 00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:22,805 so it must be pretty good.
- 00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:24,709 What? Wh-why would I tell you that?
- 00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:26,814 I don't answer to you. I have a lot of irons in the fire.
- 00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:30,321 In fact, I should check on 'em. I'm checking on my irons!
- 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:31,590 So, Stupe, you sure have had time
- 00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,093 to comment on what I'm doing,
- 00:03:33,226 --> 00:03:34,328 but what are you working on?
- 00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:35,898 I got a raid later.
- 00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,869 Nomadic tribe in our hinterlands
- 00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:39,137 grazing their sheep!
- 00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:40,440 You're seriously telling me
- 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,010 that the greatest warrior in the world
- 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:44,281 is doing a raid on nomadic shepherds?
- 00:03:44,348 --> 00:03:45,852 Yeah. I'm gonna take their sheep
- 00:03:45,952 --> 00:03:47,589 and conscript the shepherds into my army.
- 00:03:47,723 --> 00:03:49,726 I didn't say they were peaceful shepherds.
- 00:03:49,826 --> 00:03:51,329 Well, McGriddle me this:
- 00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:52,765 What ever happened to Persia?
- 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,335 You know I'd love to sink my sword
- 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,640 into that fat, juicy empire, but...
- 00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:59,011 - But what? - Frigging woodworking, man!
- 00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:00,715 That's why I gotta raid and conscript
- 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:02,952 and hope the new recruits don't also have
- 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:04,455 the jointing-and-planing bug.
- 00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:05,959 You told me I have a leadership problem,
- 00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:09,064 but maybe you should take a look in the mirror.
- 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,512 Citizens of Krapopolis!
- 00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:17,481 It is I, your King Tyrannis!
- 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:20,253 There's something about you today! We're rapt!
- 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,159 Good, because I need a favor.
- 00:04:23,259 --> 00:04:25,598 Nay, I have a demand. Nay, a decree!
- 00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,338 I decree that all citizens will now be
- 00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:32,078 required to serve mandatory military service.
- 00:04:32,178 --> 00:04:34,115 Yes, you there.
- 00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:35,618 Hello. Hi. I'm Timon.
- 00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,923 Very excited about following you anywhere.
- 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:40,728 I'm a new dentist in town, and I don't usually
- 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:42,298 get to dress too crazy.
- 00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,569 Could we get cool outfits, too?
- 00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:45,971 Hell, yeah! I was thinking
- 00:04:46,071 --> 00:04:47,675 something pretty flashy-- maybe a breastplate
- 00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:49,345 and a helmet with a spray of color.
- 00:04:49,445 --> 00:04:50,915 Ooh! Can the breastplate
- 00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:52,317 have the outline of muscles
- 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,921 even if I don't have muscles?
- 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,424 - Yes, Joshua. - Yes!
- 00:04:55,558 --> 00:04:56,861 Can the helmets have those--
- 00:04:56,994 --> 00:04:59,398 OK, I have a picture of it, but I'm trying--
- 00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:02,271 it's--it's almost like a... like a plume, or like a--
- 00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:04,475 like it's shooting out of your head sort of.
- 00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:05,812 Do you know what I mean?
- 00:05:05,912 --> 00:05:07,548 Something that someone sees it from far away
- 00:05:07,648 --> 00:05:09,251 and goes, "That's not a dentist.
- 00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:10,487 That can't be a dentist."
- 00:05:10,588 --> 00:05:11,924 But then they get up close,
- 00:05:12,024 --> 00:05:14,028 and they're like, "Oh, this is a cool dentist."
- 00:05:14,162 --> 00:05:15,531 I think that's a great idea,
- 00:05:15,665 --> 00:05:18,003 and I'll look forward to learning what a "dentist" is.
- 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,138 You might not love it.
- 00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:20,407 Uh, Barfus here.
- 00:05:20,575 --> 00:05:22,745 Citizen-goat slaughterer, also new in town.
- 00:05:22,845 --> 00:05:24,883 Just one question: can the uniform bottom
- 00:05:24,983 --> 00:05:26,085 be a kicky little skirt?
- 00:05:26,186 --> 00:05:27,756 My legs are my best asset, you see.
- 00:05:27,823 --> 00:05:29,826 You got it, Barfus. We're all gonna look great,
- 00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:32,532 and with your gorgeous help, Krapopolis is going to grow
- 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,335 to be an unstoppable empire!
- 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,873 We're going to Persia!
- 00:05:36,973 --> 00:05:38,276 One last thing.
- 00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:40,815 Will you be the one leading us into battle?
- 00:05:40,915 --> 00:05:42,685 I...
- 00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:44,121 will!
- 00:05:45,323 --> 00:05:46,961 I'm here! I'm here!
- 00:05:47,094 --> 00:05:48,697 - I'm here! - OK. Why?
- 00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:51,269 I'm supposed to be guarding this gate, but I just
- 00:05:51,336 --> 00:05:53,674 completely forgot I had work today.
- 00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:56,412 Aaahh! Aaahh!
- 00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:57,882 What was that?!
- 00:05:58,016 --> 00:05:59,719 A Usurper Moth. They can tell
- 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:02,224 if a throne's about to be empty, then infest it
- 00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:03,694 and take over the whole city.
- 00:06:03,794 --> 00:06:05,865 I've never heard of those, and I thought
- 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,334 I knew all the moths!
- 00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:08,837 I am a big bug guy.
- 00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,610 OK, bug guy, well, they're a serious threat.
- 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,181 Luckily, I've invented weapons for exactly
- 00:06:14,314 --> 00:06:15,518 this kind of situation.
- 00:06:15,618 --> 00:06:16,787 Well, that's a good thing,
- 00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,356 because I would not know what to do.
- 00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:19,726 Every time I try to defend anything,
- 00:06:19,860 --> 00:06:21,930 I keep almost cutting off my own head. Ha!
- 00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,232 Don't worry,
- 00:06:23,332 --> 00:06:24,736 because I've thought of everything.
- 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,740 These moths are coming here looking for Krapopolis,
- 00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:28,711 and we're gonna give 'em Trapopolis!
- 00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:32,050 Well, all right. I guess that makes sense, and I'll--
- 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:34,622 Ohh! Aah!
- 00:06:37,762 --> 00:06:39,031 Look at these joikos.
- 00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:41,703 Stupendous! Stupendous?!
- 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,905 Oh, no!
- 00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:45,578 You needed guys? Well, I've got guys.
- 00:06:45,678 --> 00:06:47,516 Are you kidding? Thank you!
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,017 Why don't you guys start stretching
- 00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,119 while I talk to my sister?
- 00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:51,455 Ohh... ugh...
- 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:53,528 This is so frickin' awesome!
- 00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:55,030 I'm sorry I ever doubted you!
- 00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:57,467 It is awesome, but something my army and I
- 00:06:57,568 --> 00:06:59,772 were thinking is, I should lead this one.
- 00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:01,777 The guys, they practically demanded it,
- 00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:03,814 and you did say I have a leadership problem.
- 00:07:03,914 --> 00:07:06,720 And inspiring an army is a 2-person job.
- 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,524 Really, this is mostly your idea.
- 00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,894 For you to lead my dream invasion of Persia?
- 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,734 Well, at this point, isn't it our dream invasion?
- 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,437 I did get all these soldiers.
- 00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:16,941 Yeah, and scared off
- 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:19,478 those violent shepherds I was gonna conscript!
- 00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:21,249 Actually, we're right here!
- 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:22,818 We're not attacking.
- 00:07:22,918 --> 00:07:25,858 We were just so inspired, we want to join you!
- 00:07:27,027 --> 00:07:28,865 Go, Stuperannis!
- 00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:31,903 Or... Typendous or... we'll figure it out.
- 00:07:36,479 --> 00:07:37,915 Bard, I'm gonna need something
- 00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:40,354 soaring and inspirational but also a little bit somber.
- 00:07:40,454 --> 00:07:41,724 Don't be afraid to be upbeat.
- 00:07:41,824 --> 00:07:43,493 Fear has no place in my conquest. You got that?
- 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,230 Soaring, inspirational,
- 00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:47,300 somber, and upbeat, no fear.
- 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,471 Anything for you.
- 00:07:49,539 --> 00:07:51,509 If you're done with the music,
- 00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:53,479 I've laid out several strategies here
- 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:55,283 for "our" dream invasion.
- 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,520 Don't love the tone, but--
- 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:58,055 Ohh, what have you got here?
- 00:07:58,155 --> 00:07:58,957 Mind if I take a look?
- 00:07:59,057 --> 00:08:00,828 - Of course not! - Of course, yes!
- 00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:03,767 This is top-secret information, and you don't have clearance!
- 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:06,974 Now, get outta here, dentist!
- 00:08:07,074 --> 00:08:09,646 Stealing my job may have been weirdly easy,
- 00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:12,852 but invading frickin' Persia is complicated!
- 00:08:12,986 --> 00:08:13,787 And what's this?
- 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,323 Yogurt? Bees?
- 00:08:15,456 --> 00:08:17,026 This is all for your breakfast, isn't it?
- 00:08:17,126 --> 00:08:19,231 It's a very important meal, which I've had.
- 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:20,634 Delicious!
- 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,574 So, I'd say let's pack it up and get moving.
- 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,310 Let's go, troops! We wouldn't want Persia
- 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:26,946 to come to us first, would we?
- 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:29,752 Do you even have a plan?
- 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,623 I was thinking I'd impose some of our superior
- 00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:33,593 Krapopolian culture on the Persians.
- 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:35,564 Not necessarily impose, just, you know,
- 00:08:35,664 --> 00:08:37,635 in case anyone didn't get it at first.
- 00:08:37,735 --> 00:08:39,138 The invasion part, Ty.
- 00:08:39,205 --> 00:08:40,674 Oh. Well, you said you had some plans.
- 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,077 Why don't we use a couple of those?
- 00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:43,680 Do you even know if we're walking
- 00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:44,983 in the right direction?
- 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:45,951 I...am
- 00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:48,289 going to roll the dice and say yes.
- 00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,894 - Ugh! You're right. - Yes!
- 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,035 This is the only way to Persia.
- 00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:55,738 How are you gonna get through when it feels like
- 00:08:55,805 --> 00:08:57,440 2 mountains are hugging you to death?
- 00:08:57,541 --> 00:08:59,779 Fellas, let's get in formation.
- 00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:02,986 What the-- How did that work?
- 00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:04,656 Exactly the shape I was thinking of!
- 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:06,092 And I'll be the pointy point.
- 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,829 You can't be the pointy point!
- 00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:09,365 You'll be a sitting duck!
- 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,537 I'll hold a shield!
- 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,305 You took me by surprise,
- 00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:15,176 which is exactly what we're going to do
- 00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:16,980 to the Persian army.
- 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:23,860 A turtle drinking piping-hot red wine?
- 00:09:23,994 --> 00:09:26,432 Like I wouldn't recognize your signature drink.
- 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,106 Oh, that is very funny, Shlub!
- 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:31,375 Hello.
- 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,580 I'm in town for an insurance convention.
- 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:36,318 I don't know anyone. Do you come here often?
- 00:09:36,418 --> 00:09:37,889 I have a feeling I will.
- 00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:41,630 I think it's time for a random animal entrance.
- 00:09:45,069 --> 00:09:48,610 This is gonna be legendary.
- 00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:59,465 - Wow! - I know, right?
- 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,567 Get a load of this!
- 00:10:05,577 --> 00:10:07,247 You're a friggin' genius!
- 00:10:07,347 --> 00:10:08,517 I Know!
- 00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:09,819 I'm tellin' ya,
- 00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,556 you're not taking adequate precautions.
- 00:10:11,689 --> 00:10:12,958 Watch out for falling goats.
- 00:10:13,058 --> 00:10:14,696 It sounds weird, but it happens.
- 00:10:14,796 --> 00:10:16,265 See?
- 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,602 I'm on it!
- 00:10:18,303 --> 00:10:20,473 Everyone, thank Barfus for dinner!
- 00:10:20,574 --> 00:10:22,945 I've got the marinade!
- 00:10:25,651 --> 00:10:27,755 Uhhhh!
- 00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:29,125 Nobody freak out.
- 00:10:29,225 --> 00:10:31,362 Think of this like being sat on by a servant
- 00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:32,632 during a thunderstorm.
- 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,100 Why do you think anyone
- 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,336 would get that but you?
- 00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:37,241 I can wrap my head around the concept.
- 00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:38,577 There she is!
- 00:10:38,677 --> 00:10:40,681 I miss the real you, although the other one
- 00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:42,451 did leave quite the impression.
- 00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:45,122 You were a tiger. Rrrowwwr!
- 00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,762 And you were a chair!
- 00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:49,464 Another hot red, barman!
- 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,904 - Oh, that's odd. - A turtle in a bar?
- 00:10:52,004 --> 00:10:53,540 Seems perfectly normal to me.
- 00:10:53,673 --> 00:10:55,745 That's not the form you took earlier?
- 00:10:55,845 --> 00:10:58,550 It is not. I was a sort of tiger man,
- 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,419 which I thought we were just discussing.
- 00:11:00,554 --> 00:11:02,090 - Does this mean-- - Deliria, darling,
- 00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,929 you fooled around with a turtle. Ha ha!
- 00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:06,767 Well, that means you did, too!
- 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:10,541 Not a turtle, but--Wait a minute. Did you say "chair"?
- 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:12,512 Now, don't take this the wrong way.
- 00:11:12,612 --> 00:11:14,414 Did you sleep with a chair, Shlub?
- 00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:15,751 I thought you were a chair,
- 00:11:15,851 --> 00:11:17,487 so I humped that chair. A chair?!
- 00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:18,957 Well, now, hold on.
- 00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:21,194 How on Earth could you think I was a chair?
- 00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:24,869 Shlub, this is a new low, and not one of the good ones.
- 00:11:25,036 --> 00:11:25,971 A chair?
- 00:11:26,071 --> 00:11:28,409 Of all this world's perversities,
- 00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:30,615 there is only one I cannot abide:
- 00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:32,752 the kink-shame. I'm off!
- 00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:36,793 You can't walk out! I'm walking out!
- 00:11:36,893 --> 00:11:40,601 Humiliating animal exit!
- 00:11:40,735 --> 00:11:43,039 Well, that was a cheap shot.
- 00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:45,811 Wow, these moths just keep showing up!
- 00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:48,382 They're relentless.
- 00:11:51,857 --> 00:11:53,292 What are you doing?
- 00:11:53,392 --> 00:11:54,963 Uh, just making sure we can see the moths
- 00:11:55,097 --> 00:11:56,766 when they attack? Wait. Are you
- 00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:58,269 deliberately bringing the moths here?
- 00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:01,710 What? No, you crazy! That's--What?
- 00:12:01,843 --> 00:12:03,781 Blow out the candle, then!
- 00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,824 I really didn't expect you to know
- 00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:10,159 that light attracts moths.
- 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:14,434 I told you, I'm a big bug guy!
- 00:12:15,971 --> 00:12:17,941 Uhhhh! Aah!
- 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:18,943 Uhh!
- 00:12:19,077 --> 00:12:20,413 Ah!
- 00:12:21,048 --> 00:12:23,820 Do you see this over there? That's friggin' Persia!
- 00:12:23,887 --> 00:12:25,156 I get it! This whole day
- 00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:26,926 has been a luck-filled tickle party,
- 00:12:27,026 --> 00:12:28,797 but it's about to get real.
- 00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:30,868 You're gonna see blood comin' out of places
- 00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:32,772 you didn't know blood was from.
- 00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:34,307 Stupe, you're freaking them out.
- 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,946 I should freak them out! That's war!
- 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,220 And all due respect to your suit, I think I should be
- 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,556 at the front lines.
- 00:12:41,657 --> 00:12:43,359 I'm a master of hand-to-hand combat.
- 00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:46,398 I feel like some time over the course of today,
- 00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,634 we all forgot that.
- 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:48,971 If it's so important to you
- 00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,142 to be at the front, go ahead.
- 00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:55,049 King of the Valley: Ah, hello, hello!
- 00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:56,919 Sorry, I was just washing my hair.
- 00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,857 I didn't expect anyone at this hour.
- 00:12:58,957 --> 00:13:00,994 Invaders usually wait until sundown.
- 00:13:01,095 --> 00:13:02,765 See? Element of surprise.
- 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,467 Don't let your guard down.
- 00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:05,704 King of the Valley: Let me guess--
- 00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:07,173 you're here to conquer us.
- 00:13:07,306 --> 00:13:08,910 It's the suit that gave it away, isn't it?
- 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,446 King of the Valley: I mean, it's a great suit.
- 00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:13,419 But seriously, we're the first city on the outskirts
- 00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:14,789 of the Persian empire.
- 00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:16,559 This kind of thing happens all the time.
- 00:13:16,659 --> 00:13:18,196 Where's your army?
- 00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:19,933 King of the Valley: Hmm, at this time of day? Probably napping,
- 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,603 but they wouldn't get involved with this anyway.
- 00:13:21,703 --> 00:13:24,074 They wouldn't get involved with an invasion?
- 00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,611 King of the Valley: Oh, if they did,
- 00:13:25,711 --> 00:13:27,013 they'd have no time for their families!
- 00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:30,186 No, I'm serious. This happens all the time.
- 00:13:30,253 --> 00:13:33,059 We don't really care who's in charge.
- 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,196 So, feel free to introduce a new religion.
- 00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:37,100 And, of course, we expect some kind of tax,
- 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,637 so don't worry about that.
- 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:40,708 Oh, and some conquerors like to impose
- 00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:42,712 their architectural style,
- 00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,283 which I think makes the city pretty eclectic,
- 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:46,653 so, yeah, go for it.
- 00:13:46,753 --> 00:13:48,156 We just ask that you don't kill us.
- 00:13:48,256 --> 00:13:49,592 I'm down for that. Look at that, Stupe.
- 00:13:49,726 --> 00:13:50,861 It was that easy.
- 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,097 Are you frickin' kidding me?
- 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,534 You know there's gotta be a catch.
- 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,236 Or maybe my instincts were just right,
- 00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:56,640 like they have been this whole time.
- 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:57,942 Is that so hard to believe?
- 00:13:58,042 --> 00:13:59,678 Yes! It's impossible to believe!
- 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,683 What are you so upset about?
- 00:14:01,783 --> 00:14:03,252 What am I so upset about?
- 00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:05,457 You ruined conquering Persia for me!
- 00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:06,860 What? But we did it!
- 00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:09,364 No, you did it. This was my dream.
- 00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:10,968 King of the Valley: We get invaded every day,
- 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:12,504 but we don't see this every day.
- 00:14:12,671 --> 00:14:14,809 Maybe it was your dream, but you never did it.
- 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:16,245 That dream was up for grabs.
- 00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:18,216 I think you're just mad because you lost your groove
- 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,588 when your army left you to make birdhouses.
- 00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,323 I hate you in that suit!
- 00:14:22,456 --> 00:14:25,129 King of the Valley: Hoo-hoo! That seemed pretty messy,
- 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:29,104 but we've got a dynamite tub if you want to clean yourself up.
- 00:14:29,238 --> 00:14:31,475 OK, that didn't make much sense,
- 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:33,045 but you can take a bath.
- 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,416 Please take a bath.
- 00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:39,256 So, you're new around here, huh?
- 00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,460 Yeah. I heard this was a soldiers' bar.
- 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,331 Wanted to come be around my people.
- 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:45,638 Ohh, look who's up from their naps!
- 00:14:45,771 --> 00:14:47,908 Cheers. You got a new goof-off king.
- 00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,377 Persian soldier: Hey! You're General Stupendous
- 00:14:49,477 --> 00:14:51,182 of Krapopolis, aren't you? Uh-huh.
- 00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:53,452 I wish we could have met under different circumstances
- 00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:55,090 because you look like good strong guys
- 00:14:55,223 --> 00:14:57,461 who would put up a fight.
- 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,600 A net? Are you kidding me?
- 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,370 Aah!
- 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:05,911 King of the Valley: King Ty? Your sister is back.
- 00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,080 I don't want to talk to her
- 00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,684 unless she's here to apologize.
- 00:15:08,817 --> 00:15:10,252 Does she look sheepish?
- 00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,858 King of the Valley: I guess I've seen a sheep in a cage before,
- 00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:14,194 so, yeah, kind of.
- 00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:15,664 I told you there'd be a catch!
- 00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:16,867 I told you it wouldn't be easy!
- 00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,369 What is happening here?
- 00:15:18,504 --> 00:15:20,006 We had a gentleman's agreement about my takeover.
- 00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:21,510 I thought you were conquered all the time.
- 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,045 King of the Valley: If you don't learn something
- 00:15:23,179 --> 00:15:24,448 every time you get conquered,
- 00:15:24,516 --> 00:15:26,284 what are you even doing being the guy
- 00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:29,592 who runs the city on the far reaches of the Persian empire?
- 00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:30,961 It's not personal.
- 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,464 I'm coming, Stupe!
- 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,533 Shlub!
- 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,871 I half-expected you to be off on one of your
- 00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:37,240 lost centuries.
- 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,877 I owe you an apology.
- 00:15:38,977 --> 00:15:40,847 I wasn't mad about the kink-shame,
- 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,052 which is, of course, the ultimate kink.
- 00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:45,957 I was mad about the turtle and ashamed to admit it.
- 00:15:46,024 --> 00:15:48,129 Oh, the turtle meant nothing.
- 00:15:48,229 --> 00:15:50,767 Honestly, it only appealed to me because I thought it was you.
- 00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:54,108 Turtles don't normally talk, and this one really talked like you.
- 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,410 Well, that's peculiar.
- 00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:56,847 You know, it makes me wonder
- 00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:58,048 if that turtle was someone else
- 00:15:58,148 --> 00:15:59,384 who had visited your wizard.
- 00:15:59,484 --> 00:16:01,757 Ha! Shagging a chair is quite odd.
- 00:16:01,857 --> 00:16:03,259 Its legs were very sexy.
- 00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:05,731 And I know how you are, so I expected a challenge.
- 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,033 What did you turn into anyway?
- 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:09,137 Oh, the dowdiest mortal woman.
- 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:10,508 You should have seen it.
- 00:16:10,608 --> 00:16:12,343 Oh, I would have been all over that.
- 00:16:12,477 --> 00:16:13,580 I know!
- 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,984 Maybe we shouldn't complicate things so much.
- 00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:18,088 Or... this was a success.
- 00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:20,527 We wanted to spice things up, and we both felt jealousy
- 00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:24,267 for the first time--me for a chair, you for a turtle--
- 00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:26,338 and I don't know what criteria you use,
- 00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:29,044 but that's pretty spicy to me.
- 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:30,781 You're right. Now, come over here
- 00:16:30,881 --> 00:16:32,016 and let me sit on you.
- 00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,021 Why'd you do it, Hippo?
- 00:16:34,121 --> 00:16:35,591 I needed a win, OK?
- 00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:38,362 Everyone always expects so much from me, and I keep
- 00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:40,499 churning out inventions that never get used,
- 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,704 and then the minute I can't think of a good idea,
- 00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:45,644 my stupid brother shows up in a confidence suit.
- 00:16:45,744 --> 00:16:48,315 That's gotta be tough, but I don't know the feeling.
- 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:50,352 I wish someone would expect something from me.
- 00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:53,192 My father wasn't really around growing up, and I--
- 00:16:53,292 --> 00:16:54,762 I've got to stop you.
- 00:16:54,862 --> 00:16:56,533 I didn't even know you were a palace guard until today.
- 00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,537 I can't pretend we have this kind of relationship.
- 00:16:58,637 --> 00:17:00,674 We should probably just grab a couple of mops
- 00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:02,043 and clean this up.
- 00:17:02,143 --> 00:17:03,445 If you're so hard up for ideas,
- 00:17:03,546 --> 00:17:05,951 why not invent something that cleans up moth guts?
- 00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:08,388 That's not a bad idea!
- 00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:10,794 Thank you...
- 00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,798 Scott! My name is Scott!
- 00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,000 I'm a palace guard!
- 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:17,073 Why do you guys never remember me?!
- 00:17:17,173 --> 00:17:18,408 What is going on here?
- 00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:19,913 They had a strategy, Ty,
- 00:17:20,046 --> 00:17:21,482 which we should have had, which I did have.
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,219 And she was properly wary of Barfus and me.
- 00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:25,390 What? Why would anyone be wary of you guys?
- 00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,795 Because we're spies, ya nimrod.
- 00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:29,063 Of course they are.
- 00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:30,299 But Timon is a dentist.
- 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:31,903 He talks about it all the time.
- 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:33,372 There's no such thing as a dentist!
- 00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:34,942 Why would anyone clean a tooth?
- 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:37,346 It's just gonna get more food on it the next time you eat.
- 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,518 But you put your hands in all of our mouths.
- 00:17:39,619 --> 00:17:42,156 You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you
- 00:17:42,256 --> 00:17:44,128 I thought you was right and Ty was wrong,
- 00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:45,496 but part of being a spy
- 00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:48,002 is keeping that sort of thing to yourself.
- 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,605 I appreciate that, Barfus.
- 00:17:49,706 --> 00:17:51,475 King of the Valley: First of all, I want to thank you guys
- 00:17:51,576 --> 00:17:53,780 for this opportunity to make some demands
- 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,085 on another kingdom for a change.
- 00:17:56,218 --> 00:17:57,555 It's super refreshing!
- 00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,491 Can't you just break out of that cage?
- 00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,529 Maybe, if you'd apologize.
- 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,099 I'm sorry, OK? You were right.
- 00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:04,836 Thank you! Now, of course I can
- 00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:06,371 break out of this cage,
- 00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:08,977 but I'm not gonna just take on these guys on my own.
- 00:18:09,077 --> 00:18:10,647 I was right, but I'm not stupid.
- 00:18:10,747 --> 00:18:13,152 You got us into this, you gotta get us out.
- 00:18:13,252 --> 00:18:14,454 What are the demands?
- 00:18:14,555 --> 00:18:16,058 King of the Valley: Immediate retreat,
- 00:18:16,158 --> 00:18:17,293 and we get control of the mountain pass
- 00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:18,563 you took to get in here.
- 00:18:18,663 --> 00:18:20,266 Make him give up that suit.
- 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,536 King of the Valley: All right, I don't care.
- 00:18:21,669 --> 00:18:23,238 Oh, and make him say,
- 00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:25,343 "I'm a silly king who didn't know what I was doing
- 00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:27,146 and got in over my head."
- 00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:28,482 Seriously, Stupe? Why don't you tell us
- 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:30,119 how you let yourself get captured?
- 00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:31,590 I'm sure there wasn't any silliness there.
- 00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,392 Persian Soldier: She was drinking in our bar.
- 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,229 Persian Soldier 2: We were gonna go and get her after,
- 00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:37,300 but then there she was, just sitting there in our bar.
- 00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,970 Persian soldier 1: Our Persian soldier bar!
- 00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:40,273 Persian Soldier 2: So, we were like,
- 00:18:40,406 --> 00:18:41,909 "Should we just bust out the net?"
- 00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:43,680 OK, OK. Truce.
- 00:18:43,746 --> 00:18:45,617 King of the So... you guys good?
- 00:18:45,717 --> 00:18:48,590 - Hmm? - Um, yeah...
- 00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:51,529 King of the Valley: I love it! I'm gonna dine out on this story
- 00:18:51,629 --> 00:18:52,665 for a long time.
- 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,002 Aah!
- 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,872 Well, that was a bust.
- 00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:58,843 Yeah, but can I be honest?
- 00:18:58,943 --> 00:19:00,547 I kind of do like suit you.
- 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,250 I was in a rut, and you gave me something
- 00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:03,419 to be excited about again.
- 00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:05,255 Thank you for saying that.
- 00:19:05,356 --> 00:19:07,828 Honestly, I got so wrapped up in finally getting respect.
- 00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,164 At least we got off easy.
- 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,834 Sure. What could the Persians do
- 00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:13,806 with control of the only known overland pass to Krapopolis
- 00:19:13,906 --> 00:19:16,044 and the knowledge of when and how to cross it?
- 00:19:16,177 --> 00:19:17,781 Let's call that a tomorrow problem.
- 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:19,985 Ooh, what kind of song would you like for this?
- 00:19:20,085 --> 00:19:21,388 An inspirational dirge?
- 00:19:21,488 --> 00:19:23,359 - Go to hell, Bard! - Give it a rest, Bard.
- 00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:24,662 You know who I miss?
- 00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:26,398 That guy we yell at, yeah.
- 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,503 Uh, what's his name? S...
- 00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:31,207 - Scooter. - No. Scoo--Ska--Ska?
- 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:32,711 Ska! Skaa...n.
- 00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:35,216 Ugh! why did I think it would be a good idea
- 00:19:35,349 --> 00:19:36,519 to do this in the dark?
- 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:37,955 Is that snow? Is it snowing?
- 00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:39,457 What? Ohh...
- 00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,028 Everybody, find your buddies and hold on.
- 00:19:41,128 --> 00:19:42,330 We can do this!
- 00:19:42,396 --> 00:19:43,767 My buddy is a goat. Is that OK?
- 00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,937 When we retaliate, let's send Joshua
- 00:19:46,038 --> 00:19:47,273 to the front line.
- 00:19:47,339 --> 00:19:49,010 I was thinking exactly the same thing.
- 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:52,283 Anybody can be Skaan!
- 00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,887 Tyrannis and Stupendous: Ha ha ha!
- 00:19:53,953 --> 00:19:57,661 They're gonna find out nobody laughs at Joshua.
- 00:19:57,794 --> 00:20:00,499 Heh heh heh!
- 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,369 Joshua!
- 00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:07,046 So, did the suit not work out?
- 00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:08,082 No, it did.
- 00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:10,787 I conquered Persia, but then I realized I didn't have
- 00:20:10,887 --> 00:20:13,292 to wear a different outfit to be myself.
- 00:20:13,392 --> 00:20:15,163 Well, if everyone has that realization,
- 00:20:15,296 --> 00:20:16,866 I'll be out of a job.
- 00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:20,139 Also, sounds like a pretty incomplete version
- 00:20:20,239 --> 00:20:22,210 of the story, but I know what you're saying.
- 00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,549 Sometimes I feel like I can't really be myself.
- 00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:26,652 Take my dead husband. He took an arrow
- 00:20:26,786 --> 00:20:28,422 through the ear hole in Mycenae.
- 00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:32,230 I toyed with the idea of selling a hat that looked like that,
- 00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:34,201 with an arrow through your head,
- 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,970 but who's gonna buy something fun like that
- 00:20:36,071 --> 00:20:37,040 from a war widow?
- 00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:38,409 People got no sense of humor.
- 00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:39,846 Well, I think it's pretty funny.
- 00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,785 Don't doubt yourself. I appreciate that.
- 00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:44,120 Turn her back!
- 00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:45,523 I have professional integrity.
- 00:20:45,624 --> 00:20:47,794 I'm not gonna undo any spell unless--
- 00:20:47,894 --> 00:20:49,131 Turn her back!
- 00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:50,299 Miriam, as the chair: Oh, for God's sakes.
- 00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,468 Wizard, it's OK.
- 00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:53,105 Zap.
- 00:20:53,239 --> 00:20:54,708 There, Scott. Ya happy now?
- 00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:57,013 I mean, we just started sleeping together, and you're
- 00:20:57,113 --> 00:20:58,482 already pulling this?
- 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,920 Everything was going great until this wizard--
- 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:03,058 Hey! Don't blame me for your problems.
- 00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:05,263 I'm just an immigrant from the North trying to make a living
- 00:21:05,363 --> 00:21:06,833 for my wizlands!
- 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,769 Look, Scott, if you want to be with me, you have
- 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:12,377 to understand that sometimes I like to be a sexy chair.
- 00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:14,047 I'm fine with that!
- 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,819 But just sometimes, can you want to be
- 00:21:16,919 --> 00:21:20,059 a sexy chair with me?
- 00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,195 Mm!
- 00:21:21,295 --> 00:21:22,664 I hate these slip-trip...
- 00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:27,040 flappers.
- 00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:28,275 Oh, hey, Paizo.
- 00:21:28,408 --> 00:21:30,948 You taste so good.
- 00:21:31,148 --> 00:21:32,617 Did you get any of that?
- 00:21:35,022 --> 00:21:36,525 Bento.
- 00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:05,811 Tyrannis: Do you see this? Krapopolis is depicted
- 00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:08,083 as one of many tiny warring city-states.
- 00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:09,953 Stupendous: At least they showed us as warring.
- 00:00:10,086 --> 00:00:12,391 My army is basically just me these days.
- 00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:14,930 A ton of my best guys got really into woodworking
- 00:00:15,030 --> 00:00:16,299 and stopped showing up.
- 00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:18,003 [Splash] Tyrannis: Ugh, not again!
- 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,405 I just got this washed!
- 00:00:19,507 --> 00:00:21,677 Uhh! Excuse me, King coming through!
- 00:00:21,777 --> 00:00:24,115 Joshua: Uch, king of what? Spilling gruel on yourself?
- 00:00:24,182 --> 00:00:25,317 Tyrannis: I didn't spill it on myself.
- 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:26,753 One of my careless subjects
- 00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:28,090 dropped it out of a window on me.
- 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:29,125 Miriam: Subjects?
- 00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:30,261 Is that what you think of us?
- 00:00:30,394 --> 00:00:31,697 I always thought we were more like
- 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:33,568 equally-valuable acquaintances.
- 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,104 Stupendous: I'm beginning to think you have
- 00:00:35,237 --> 00:00:36,405 a leadership problem.
- 00:00:36,506 --> 00:00:37,842 Tyrannis: No. It's a toga problem.
- 00:00:37,909 --> 00:00:39,111 I'm gonna pick up a couple of spares
- 00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,480 at that menswear tent over there--
- 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,519 Aah! Oh, God, it's happening again!
- 00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:44,623 Where is this gruel coming from?
- 00:00:44,756 --> 00:00:46,059 Hello? Is anyone here?
- 00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:48,765 It's King Tyrannis, and I'm having a toga emergency.
- 00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,233 Chira: King Tyrannis, eh?
- 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,837 It looks like you're having quite a day.
- 00:00:51,938 --> 00:00:53,941 The name's Chira, lonely war widow.
- 00:00:54,042 --> 00:00:56,780 I have to work in this menswear tent because my husband died
- 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,887 invading some place he shouldn't have: my sister.
- 00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:01,590 - Oh, my God! - Relax!
- 00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:03,293 That's just a little war widow humor.
- 00:01:03,393 --> 00:01:05,230 Tyrannis: But your husband is dead, right?
- 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,769 Chira: Oh, yeah, he is, and he slept with my sister.
- 00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:11,142 But the bigger tragedy is, I don't think that toga
- 00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,813 is doing you any favors.
- 00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:15,050 Why don't you try this on?
- 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,020 Ah! I think it would look great on you.
- 00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:19,192 Tyrannis: Oh, wow! That is nice.
- 00:01:19,325 --> 00:01:21,329 Chira: I know what you're thinking. You're the king.
- 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,466 You should have more medals. Let me get them.
- 00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:25,771 Tyrannis: Yes, thank you. Please, more medals.
- 00:01:25,905 --> 00:01:27,341 I like to tinkle when I walk.
- 00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:29,245 Chira: These bring out your eyes.
- 00:01:29,345 --> 00:01:31,917 And I know you didn't mean that you like to pee yourself
- 00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:33,320 when you walk.
- 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,057 I'm a war widow, not an idiot.
- 00:01:35,157 --> 00:01:36,392 So whaddya say?
- 00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:38,296 Tyrannis: Is my chest getting bigger?
- 00:01:38,363 --> 00:01:40,100 I feel like I could do anything!
- 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,970 Chira: I feel like you could, too.
- 00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:43,206 Tyrannis: This is big.
- 00:01:43,306 --> 00:01:44,576 This is going to change things for me.
- 00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:46,445 Chira: That's the power of Chira's House
- 00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:49,886 of Secondhand Dead Husband Stuff.
- 00:01:52,057 --> 00:01:54,261 [Theme music playing]
- 00:01:54,395 --> 00:02:01,008 ♪
- 00:02:01,108 --> 00:02:03,413 [Male singers chanting]
- 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:11,028 ♪
- 00:02:11,162 --> 00:02:13,867 Singers: Whoo!
- 00:02:16,373 --> 00:02:17,776 Shlub: Ooooh, hello!
- 00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,112 Who's this commanding fellow?
- 00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:20,347 Tyrannis: It's a pretty good look, right?
- 00:02:20,481 --> 00:02:22,118 Deliria: I can't believe I'm saying this,
- 00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:24,823 but...yes, I didn't even know you had good features,
- 00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,527 but they're all popping right now.
- 00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:29,132 Stupendous: What happened to the toga and the backup toga?
- 00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,668 Gruel again.
- 00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:32,371 Tyrannis: Toga Ty was the old Ty. I'm trying something new,
- 00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:33,841 and you know what I realized?
- 00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:36,078 We've been complacent with mediocrity for too long.
- 00:02:36,178 --> 00:02:37,816 We need to make some changes around here!
- 00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:38,984 Deliria: Who is this son
- 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:40,420 and where can I sign up for some?
- 00:02:40,555 --> 00:02:42,190 Tyrannis: Listen up. This family needs to be
- 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,094 more goal-oriented if we're going to lead Krapopolis
- 00:02:44,194 --> 00:02:45,631 to a bigger and better future.
- 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,336 And that's my goal: a bigger and better Krapopolis.
- 00:02:48,437 --> 00:02:49,973 Damn, this suit makes me feel good!
- 00:02:50,107 --> 00:02:51,242 Dad, you start.
- 00:02:51,343 --> 00:02:52,512 Shlub: Well, I'd like to up the stakes
- 00:02:52,646 --> 00:02:54,750 of my sexual role play with your mother.
- 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,553 Deliria: Things have been a little same-same,
- 00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:59,559 which is still pretty wild for other people, but not us.
- 00:02:59,659 --> 00:03:01,395 Tyrannis: OK, so what's holding you back?
- 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,934 Shlub: I suppose I can find an old wizard who can turn me
- 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:05,470 into anything I want.
- 00:03:05,571 --> 00:03:08,544 Deliria: And I've been meaning to try out some different forms.
- 00:03:08,711 --> 00:03:11,683 We can meet in a bar as sexy strangers!
- 00:03:11,783 --> 00:03:15,023 Shlub: Excellent! Let the stranger-danger begin!
- 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,292 Tyrannis: Maybe it's not an inspired goal,
- 00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:17,595 but at least it's clearly defined.
- 00:03:17,695 --> 00:03:19,231 Hippo, what are you working on?
- 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:21,436 I've noticed you haven't debuted anything in a while,
- 00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:22,805 so it must be pretty good.
- 00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:24,709 Hippocampus: What? Wh-why would I tell you that?
- 00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:26,814 I don't answer to you. I have a lot of irons in the fire.
- 00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:30,321 In fact, I should check on 'em. I'm checking on my irons!
- 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:31,590 Tyrannis: So, Stupe, you sure have had time
- 00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,093 to comment on what I'm doing,
- 00:03:33,226 --> 00:03:34,328 but what are you working on?
- 00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:35,898 Stupendous: I got a raid later.
- 00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,869 Nomadic tribe in our hinterlands
- 00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:39,137 grazing their sheep!
- 00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:40,440 Tyrannis: You're seriously telling me
- 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,010 that the greatest warrior in the world
- 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:44,281 is doing a raid on nomadic shepherds?
- 00:03:44,348 --> 00:03:45,852 Stupendous: Yeah. I'm gonna take their sheep
- 00:03:45,952 --> 00:03:47,589 and conscript the shepherds into my army.
- 00:03:47,723 --> 00:03:49,726 I didn't say they were peaceful shepherds.
- 00:03:49,826 --> 00:03:51,329 Tyrannis: Well, McGriddle me this:
- 00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:52,765 What ever happened to Persia?
- 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,335 Stupendous: You know I'd love to sink my sword
- 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,640 into that fat, juicy empire, but...
- 00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:59,011 - But what? - Frigging woodworking, man!
- 00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:00,715 That's why I gotta raid and conscript
- 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:02,952 and hope the new recruits don't also have
- 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:04,455 the jointing-and-planing bug.
- 00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:05,959 Tyrannis: You told me I have a leadership problem,
- 00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:09,064 but maybe you should take a look in the mirror.
- 00:04:09,198 --> 00:04:13,941 ♪
- 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,512 Tyrannis: Citizens of Krapopolis!
- 00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:17,481 It is I, your King Tyrannis!
- 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:20,253 Scott: There's something about you today! We're rapt!
- 00:04:20,353 --> 00:04:21,456 [Cheering]
- 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,159 Tyrannis: Good, because I need a favor.
- 00:04:23,259 --> 00:04:25,598 Nay, I have a demand. Nay, a decree!
- 00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:26,800 [Crowd cheering]
- 00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,338 I decree that all citizens will now be
- 00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:32,078 required to serve mandatory military service.
- 00:04:32,178 --> 00:04:34,115 [Crowd groans] Yes, you there.
- 00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:35,618 Timon: Hello. Hi. I'm Timon.
- 00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,923 Very excited about following you anywhere.
- 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:40,728 I'm a new dentist in town, and I don't usually
- 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:42,298 get to dress too crazy.
- 00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,569 Could we get cool outfits, too?
- 00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:45,971 Tyrannis: Hell, yeah! I was thinking
- 00:04:46,071 --> 00:04:47,675 something pretty flashy-- maybe a breastplate
- 00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:49,345 and a helmet with a spray of color.
- 00:04:49,445 --> 00:04:50,915 Crowd: Ooh! Joshua: Can the breastplate
- 00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:52,317 have the outline of muscles
- 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,921 even if I don't have muscles?
- 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,424 - Yes, Joshua. - Yes!
- 00:04:55,558 --> 00:04:56,861 Timon: Can the helmets have those--
- 00:04:56,994 --> 00:04:59,398 OK, I have a picture of it, but I'm trying--
- 00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:02,271 it's--it's almost like a... like a plume, or like a--
- 00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:04,475 like it's shooting out of your head sort of.
- 00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:05,812 Do you know what I mean?
- 00:05:05,912 --> 00:05:07,548 Something that someone sees it from far away
- 00:05:07,648 --> 00:05:09,251 and goes, "That's not a dentist.
- 00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:10,487 That can't be a dentist."
- 00:05:10,588 --> 00:05:11,924 But then they get up close,
- 00:05:12,024 --> 00:05:14,028 and they're like, "Oh, this is a cool dentist."
- 00:05:14,162 --> 00:05:15,531 Tyrannis: I think that's a great idea,
- 00:05:15,665 --> 00:05:18,003 and I'll look forward to learning what a "dentist" is.
- 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,138 Timon: You might not love it.
- 00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:20,407 Barfus: Uh, Barfus here.
- 00:05:20,575 --> 00:05:22,745 Citizen-goat slaughterer, also new in town.
- 00:05:22,845 --> 00:05:24,883 Just one question: can the uniform bottom
- 00:05:24,983 --> 00:05:26,085 be a kicky little skirt?
- 00:05:26,186 --> 00:05:27,756 My legs are my best asset, you see.
- 00:05:27,823 --> 00:05:29,826 Tyrannis: You got it, Barfus. We're all gonna look great,
- 00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:32,532 and with your gorgeous help, Krapopolis is going to grow
- 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,335 to be an unstoppable empire!
- 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,873 We're going to Persia! [Cheering]
- 00:05:36,973 --> 00:05:38,276 Timon: One last thing.
- 00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:40,815 Will you be the one leading us into battle?
- 00:05:40,915 --> 00:05:42,685 Tyrannis: I...
- 00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:44,121 will!
- 00:05:44,221 --> 00:05:45,190 [Cheering]
- 00:05:45,323 --> 00:05:46,961 Scott: I'm here! I'm here!
- 00:05:47,094 --> 00:05:48,697 - I'm here! - OK. Why?
- 00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:51,269 Scott: I'm supposed to be guarding this gate, but I just
- 00:05:51,336 --> 00:05:53,674 completely forgot I had work today.
- 00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:56,412 Aaahh! Aaahh!
- 00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:57,882 What was that?!
- 00:05:58,016 --> 00:05:59,719 Hippocampus: A Usurper Moth. They can tell
- 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:02,224 if a throne's about to be empty, then infest it
- 00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:03,694 and take over the whole city.
- 00:06:03,794 --> 00:06:05,865 Scott: I've never heard of those, and I thought
- 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,334 I knew all the moths!
- 00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:08,837 I am a big bug guy.
- 00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,610 Hippocampus: OK, bug guy, well, they're a serious threat.
- 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,181 Luckily, I've invented weapons for exactly
- 00:06:14,314 --> 00:06:15,518 this kind of situation.
- 00:06:15,618 --> 00:06:16,787 Scott: Well, that's a good thing,
- 00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,356 because I would not know what to do.
- 00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:19,726 Every time I try to defend anything,
- 00:06:19,860 --> 00:06:21,930 I keep almost cutting off my own head. Ha!
- 00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,232 Hippocampus: Don't worry,
- 00:06:23,332 --> 00:06:24,736 because I've thought of everything.
- 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,740 These moths are coming here looking for Krapopolis,
- 00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:28,711 and we're gonna give 'em Trapopolis!
- 00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:32,050 Scott: Well, all right. I guess that makes sense, and I'll--
- 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:34,622 Ohh! Aah!
- 00:06:36,492 --> 00:06:37,629 [Sheep bleating]
- 00:06:37,762 --> 00:06:39,031 Stupendous: Look at these joikos.
- 00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:41,703 Tyrannis: Stupendous! Shepherd: Stupendous?!
- 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,905 Men: Oh, no!
- 00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:45,578 Tyrannis: You needed guys? Well, I've got guys.
- 00:06:45,678 --> 00:06:47,516 Stupendous: Are you kidding? Thank you!
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,017 Tyrannis: Why don't you guys start stretching
- 00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,119 while I talk to my sister?
- 00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:51,455 Men: Ohh...ugh...
- 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:53,528 Stupendous: This is so frickin' awesome!
- 00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:55,030 I'm sorry I ever doubted you!
- 00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:57,467 Tyrannis: It is awesome, but something my army and I
- 00:06:57,568 --> 00:06:59,772 were thinking is, I should lead this one.
- 00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:01,777 The guys, they practically demanded it,
- 00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:03,814 and you did say I have a leadership problem.
- 00:07:03,914 --> 00:07:06,720 And inspiring an army is a 2-person job.
- 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,524 Really, this is mostly your idea.
- 00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,894 Stupendous: For you to lead my dream invasion of Persia?
- 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,734 Tyrannis: Well, at this point, isn't it our dream invasion?
- 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,437 I did get all these soldiers.
- 00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:16,941 Stupendous: Yeah, and scared off
- 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:19,478 those violent shepherds I was gonna conscript!
- 00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:21,249 Shepherd: Actually, we're right here!
- 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:22,818 We're not attacking.
- 00:07:22,918 --> 00:07:25,858 We were just so inspired, we want to join you!
- 00:07:27,027 --> 00:07:28,865 Tyrannis: Go, Stuperannis!
- 00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:31,903 Or...Typendous or... we'll figure it out.
- 00:07:36,479 --> 00:07:37,915 Tyrannis: Bard, I'm gonna need something
- 00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:40,354 soaring and inspirational but also a little bit somber.
- 00:07:40,454 --> 00:07:41,724 Don't be afraid to be upbeat.
- 00:07:41,824 --> 00:07:43,493 Fear has no place in my conquest. You got that?
- 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,230 Bard: Soaring, inspirational,
- 00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:47,300 somber, and upbeat, no fear.
- 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,471 Anything for you. [Playing several notes]
- 00:07:49,539 --> 00:07:51,509 Stupendous: If you're done with the music,
- 00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:53,479 I've laid out several strategies here
- 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:55,283 for "our" dream invasion.
- 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,520 Tyrannis: Don't love the tone, but--
- 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:58,055 Timon: Ohh, what have you got here?
- 00:07:58,155 --> 00:07:58,957 Mind if I take a look?
- 00:07:59,057 --> 00:08:00,828 - Of course not! - Of course, yes!
- 00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:03,767 This is top-secret information, and you don't have clearance!
- 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:06,974 Now, get outta here, dentist!
- 00:08:07,074 --> 00:08:09,646 Stealing my job may have been weirdly easy,
- 00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:12,852 but invading frickin' Persia is complicated!
- 00:08:12,986 --> 00:08:13,787 And what's this?
- 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,323 [Bees buzzing] Yogurt? Bees?
- 00:08:15,456 --> 00:08:17,026 This is all for your breakfast, isn't it?
- 00:08:17,126 --> 00:08:19,231 Tyrannis: It's a very important meal, which I've had.
- 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:20,634 Delicious!
- 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,574 So, I'd say let's pack it up and get moving.
- 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,310 Let's go, troops! We wouldn't want Persia
- 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:26,946 to come to us first, would we?
- 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,216 [Sheep bleating]
- 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:29,752 Stupendous: Do you even have a plan?
- 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,623 Tyrannis: I was thinking I'd impose some of our superior
- 00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:33,593 Krapopolian culture on the Persians.
- 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:35,564 Not necessarily impose, just, you know,
- 00:08:35,664 --> 00:08:37,635 in case anyone didn't get it at first.
- 00:08:37,735 --> 00:08:39,138 Stupendous: The invasion part, Ty.
- 00:08:39,205 --> 00:08:40,674 Tyrannis: Oh. Well, you said you had some plans.
- 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,077 Why don't we use a couple of those?
- 00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:43,680 Stupendous: Do you even know if we're walking
- 00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:44,983 in the right direction?
- 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:45,951 Tyrannis: I...am
- 00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:48,289 going to roll the dice and say yes.
- 00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,894 - Ugh! You're right. - Yes!
- 00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:52,565 ♪
- 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,035 Stupendous: This is the only way to Persia.
- 00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:55,738 How are you gonna get through when it feels like
- 00:08:55,805 --> 00:08:57,440 2 mountains are hugging you to death?
- 00:08:57,541 --> 00:08:59,779 Tyrannis: Fellas, let's get in formation.
- 00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:02,986 Stupendous: What the-- How did that work?
- 00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:04,656 Tyrannis: Exactly the shape I was thinking of!
- 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:06,092 And I'll be the pointy point.
- 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,829 Stupendous: You can't be the pointy point!
- 00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:09,365 You'll be a sitting duck!
- 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,537 Tyrannis: I'll hold a shield!
- 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,305 [Shield thuds] You took me by surprise,
- 00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:15,176 which is exactly what we're going to do
- 00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:16,980 to the Persian army.
- 00:09:17,114 --> 00:09:18,917 [Soldiers cheering]
- 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:23,860 Deliria: A turtle drinking piping-hot red wine?
- 00:09:23,994 --> 00:09:26,432 Like I wouldn't recognize your signature drink.
- 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,106 [Laughing] Oh, that is very funny, Shlub!
- 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:31,375 Deliria: Hello.
- 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,580 I'm in town for an insurance convention.
- 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:36,318 I don't know anyone. Do you come here often?
- 00:09:36,418 --> 00:09:37,889 Turtle: I have a feeling I will.
- 00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:41,630 Deliria: I think it's time for a random animal entrance.
- 00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:44,969 Stupendous: [Humming]
- 00:09:45,069 --> 00:09:48,610 This is gonna be legendary. [Pounding on door]
- 00:09:53,018 --> 00:09:54,956 [Growls]
- 00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:59,465 - Wow! - I know, right?
- 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,567 Get a load of this!
- 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,105 [Screeching]
- 00:10:05,577 --> 00:10:07,247 Scott: You're a friggin' genius!
- 00:10:07,347 --> 00:10:08,517 Hippocampus: I Know!
- 00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:09,819 Stupendous: I'm tellin' ya,
- 00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,556 you're not taking adequate precautions.
- 00:10:11,689 --> 00:10:12,958 Watch out for falling goats.
- 00:10:13,058 --> 00:10:14,696 It sounds weird, but it happens.
- 00:10:14,796 --> 00:10:16,265 [Goat bleating] See?
- 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,602 Barfus: I'm on it!
- 00:10:18,303 --> 00:10:20,473 Tyrannis: Everyone, thank Barfus for dinner!
- 00:10:20,574 --> 00:10:22,945 [Cheering] Joshua: I've got the marinade!
- 00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:23,981 [Laughter]
- 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,551 [Growls]
- 00:10:25,651 --> 00:10:27,755 Uhhhh!
- 00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:29,125 Tyrannis: Nobody freak out.
- 00:10:29,225 --> 00:10:31,362 Think of this like being sat on by a servant
- 00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:32,632 during a thunderstorm.
- 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,100 Stupendous: Why do you think anyone
- 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,336 would get that but you?
- 00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:37,241 Joshua: I can wrap my head around the concept.
- 00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:38,577 Shlub: There she is!
- 00:10:38,677 --> 00:10:40,681 I miss the real you, although the other one
- 00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:42,451 did leave quite the impression.
- 00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:45,122 You were a tiger. Rrrowwwr!
- 00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,762 Shlub: And you were a chair! [Grunts]
- 00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:49,464 Turtle: Another hot red, barman!
- 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,904 - Oh, that's odd. - A turtle in a bar?
- 00:10:52,004 --> 00:10:53,540 Seems perfectly normal to me.
- 00:10:53,673 --> 00:10:55,745 Deliria: That's not the form you took earlier?
- 00:10:55,845 --> 00:10:58,550 Shlub: It is not. I was a sort of tiger man,
- 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,419 which I thought we were just discussing.
- 00:11:00,554 --> 00:11:02,090 - Does this mean-- - Deliria, darling,
- 00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,929 you fooled around with a turtle. Ha ha!
- 00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:06,767 Deliria: Well, that means you did, too!
- 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:10,541 Not a turtle, but--Wait a minute. Did you say "chair"?
- 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:12,512 Shlub: Now, don't take this the wrong way.
- 00:11:12,612 --> 00:11:14,414 Deliria: Did you sleep with a chair, Shlub?
- 00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:15,751 Shlub: I thought you were a chair,
- 00:11:15,851 --> 00:11:17,487 so I humped that chair. Deliria: A chair?!
- 00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:18,957 Shlub: Well, now, hold on.
- 00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:21,194 Deliria: How on Earth could you think I was a chair?
- 00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:24,869 Shlub, this is a new low, and not one of the good ones.
- 00:11:25,036 --> 00:11:25,971 A chair?
- 00:11:26,071 --> 00:11:28,409 Shlub: Of all this world's perversities,
- 00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:30,615 there is only one I cannot abide:
- 00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:32,752 the kink-shame. I'm off!
- 00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:36,793 Deliria: You can't walk out! I'm walking out!
- 00:11:36,893 --> 00:11:40,601 Humiliating animal exit!
- 00:11:40,735 --> 00:11:43,039 Turtle: Well, that was a cheap shot.
- 00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:45,811 Scott: Wow, these moths just keep showing up!
- 00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:48,382 They're relentless.
- 00:11:50,755 --> 00:11:51,757 [Striking]
- 00:11:51,857 --> 00:11:53,292 Scott: What are you doing?
- 00:11:53,392 --> 00:11:54,963 Hippocampus: Uh, just making sure we can see the moths
- 00:11:55,097 --> 00:11:56,766 when they attack? Scott: Wait. Are you
- 00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:58,269 deliberately bringing the moths here?
- 00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:01,710 Hippocampus: What? No, you crazy! That's--What?
- 00:12:01,843 --> 00:12:03,781 Scott: Blow out the candle, then!
- 00:12:03,914 --> 00:12:05,517 [Fluttering noise fades]
- 00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,824 Hippocampus: I really didn't expect you to know
- 00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:10,159 that light attracts moths.
- 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:14,434 Scott: I told you, I'm a big bug guy!
- 00:12:15,971 --> 00:12:17,941 Tyrannis: Uhhhh! Aah!
- 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:18,943 Uhh!
- 00:12:19,077 --> 00:12:20,413 Ah!
- 00:12:21,048 --> 00:12:23,820 Do you see this over there? That's friggin' Persia!
- 00:12:23,887 --> 00:12:25,156 Stupendous: I get it! This whole day
- 00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:26,926 has been a luck-filled tickle party,
- 00:12:27,026 --> 00:12:28,797 but it's about to get real.
- 00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:30,868 You're gonna see blood comin' out of places
- 00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:32,772 you didn't know blood was from.
- 00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:34,307 Tyrannis: Stupe, you're freaking them out.
- 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,946 Stupendous: I should freak them out! That's war!
- 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,220 And all due respect to your suit, I think I should be
- 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,556 at the front lines.
- 00:12:41,657 --> 00:12:43,359 I'm a master of hand-to-hand combat.
- 00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:46,398 I feel like some time over the course of today,
- 00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,634 we all forgot that.
- 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:48,971 Tyrannis: If it's so important to you
- 00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,142 to be at the front, go ahead.
- 00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:53,011 [Tyrannis and Stupendous yell]
- 00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:55,049 King of the Valley: Ah, hello, hello!
- 00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:56,919 Sorry, I was just washing my hair.
- 00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,857 I didn't expect anyone at this hour.
- 00:12:58,957 --> 00:13:00,994 Invaders usually wait until sundown.
- 00:13:01,095 --> 00:13:02,765 Tyrannis: See? Element of surprise.
- 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,467 Stupendous: Don't let your guard down.
- 00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:05,704 King of the Valley: Let me guess--
- 00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:07,173 you're here to conquer us.
- 00:13:07,306 --> 00:13:08,910 Tyrannis: It's the suit that gave it away, isn't it?
- 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,446 King of the Valley: I mean, it's a great suit.
- 00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:13,419 But seriously, we're the first city on the outskirts
- 00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:14,789 of the Persian empire.
- 00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:16,559 This kind of thing happens all the time.
- 00:13:16,659 --> 00:13:18,196 Stupendous: Where's your army?
- 00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:19,933 King of the Valley: Hmm, at this time of day? Probably napping,
- 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,603 but they wouldn't get involved with this anyway.
- 00:13:21,703 --> 00:13:24,074 Stupendous: They wouldn't get involved with an invasion?
- 00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,611 King of the Valley: Oh, if they did,
- 00:13:25,711 --> 00:13:27,013 they'd have no time for their families!
- 00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:30,186 No, I'm serious. This happens all the time.
- 00:13:30,253 --> 00:13:33,059 We don't really care who's in charge.
- 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,196 So, feel free to introduce a new religion.
- 00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:37,100 And, of course, we expect some kind of tax,
- 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,637 so don't worry about that.
- 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:40,708 Oh, and some conquerors like to impose
- 00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:42,712 their architectural style,
- 00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:45,283 which I think makes the city pretty eclectic,
- 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:46,653 so, yeah, go for it.
- 00:13:46,753 --> 00:13:48,156 We just ask that you don't kill us.
- 00:13:48,256 --> 00:13:49,592 Tyrannis: I'm down for that. Look at that, Stupe.
- 00:13:49,726 --> 00:13:50,861 It was that easy.
- 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,097 Stupendous: Are you frickin' kidding me?
- 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,534 You know there's gotta be a catch.
- 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,236 Tyrannis: Or maybe my instincts were just right,
- 00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:56,640 like they have been this whole time.
- 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:57,942 Is that so hard to believe?
- 00:13:58,042 --> 00:13:59,678 Stupendous: Yes! It's impossible to believe!
- 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,683 Tyrannis: What are you so upset about?
- 00:14:01,783 --> 00:14:03,252 Stupendous: What am I so upset about?
- 00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:05,457 You ruined conquering Persia for me!
- 00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:06,860 Tyrannis: What? But we did it!
- 00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:09,364 Stupendous: No, you did it. This was my dream.
- 00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:10,968 King of the Valley: We get invaded every day,
- 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:12,504 but we don't see this every day.
- 00:14:12,671 --> 00:14:14,809 Tyrannis: Maybe it was your dream, but you never did it.
- 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:16,245 That dream was up for grabs.
- 00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:18,216 I think you're just mad because you lost your groove
- 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,588 when your army left you to make birdhouses.
- 00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,323 Stupendous: I hate you in that suit!
- 00:14:22,456 --> 00:14:25,129 King of the Valley: Hoo-hoo! That seemed pretty messy,
- 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:29,104 but we've got a dynamite tub if you want to clean yourself up.
- 00:14:29,238 --> 00:14:31,475 OK, that didn't make much sense,
- 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:33,045 but you can take a bath.
- 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,416 [Sniffs] Please take a bath.
- 00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:39,257 Barkeep: So, you're new around here, huh?
- 00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,461 Stupendous: Yeah. I heard this was a soldiers' bar.
- 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,332 Wanted to come be around my people.
- 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:45,638 Ohh, look who's up from their naps!
- 00:14:45,771 --> 00:14:47,908 Cheers. You got a new goof-off king.
- 00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,377 Persian soldier: Hey! You're General Stupendous
- 00:14:49,477 --> 00:14:51,182 of Krapopolis, aren't you? Stupendous: Uh-huh.
- 00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:53,452 I wish we could have met under different circumstances
- 00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:55,090 because you look like good strong guys
- 00:14:55,223 --> 00:14:57,461 who would put up a fight.
- 00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:58,564 [Slurps]
- 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,600 A net? Are you kidding me?
- 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,370 Aah! [Thud]
- 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:05,911 King of the Valley: King Ty? Your sister is back.
- 00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,080 Tyrannis: I don't want to talk to her
- 00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,684 unless she's here to apologize.
- 00:15:08,817 --> 00:15:10,252 Does she look sheepish?
- 00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,858 King of the Valley: I guess I've seen a sheep in a cage before,
- 00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:14,194 so, yeah, kind of.
- 00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:15,664 Stupendous: I told you there'd be a catch!
- 00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:16,867 I told you it wouldn't be easy!
- 00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,369 Tyrannis: What is happening here?
- 00:15:18,504 --> 00:15:20,006 We had a gentleman's agreement about my takeover.
- 00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:21,510 I thought you were conquered all the time.
- 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,045 King of the Valley: If you don't learn something
- 00:15:23,179 --> 00:15:24,448 every time you get conquered,
- 00:15:24,516 --> 00:15:26,284 what are you even doing being the guy
- 00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:29,592 who runs the city on the far reaches of the Persian empire?
- 00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:30,961 It's not personal.
- 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,464 Tyrannis: I'm coming, Stupe!
- 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,533 Deliria: Shlub!
- 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,871 I half-expected you to be off on one of your
- 00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:37,240 lost centuries.
- 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,877 Shlub: I owe you an apology.
- 00:15:38,977 --> 00:15:40,847 I wasn't mad about the kink-shame,
- 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,052 which is, of course, the ultimate kink.
- 00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:45,957 I was mad about the turtle and ashamed to admit it.
- 00:15:46,024 --> 00:15:48,129 Deliria: Oh, the turtle meant nothing.
- 00:15:48,229 --> 00:15:50,767 Honestly, it only appealed to me because I thought it was you.
- 00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:54,108 Turtles don't normally talk, and this one really talked like you.
- 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,410 Shlub: Well, that's peculiar.
- 00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:56,847 Deliria: You know, it makes me wonder
- 00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:58,048 if that turtle was someone else
- 00:15:58,148 --> 00:15:59,384 who had visited your wizard.
- 00:15:59,484 --> 00:16:01,757 Ha! Shagging a chair is quite odd.
- 00:16:01,857 --> 00:16:03,259 Shlub: Its legs were very sexy.
- 00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:05,731 And I know how you are, so I expected a challenge.
- 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,033 What did you turn into anyway?
- 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:09,137 Deliria: Oh, the dowdiest mortal woman.
- 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:10,508 You should have seen it.
- 00:16:10,608 --> 00:16:12,343 Shlub: Oh, I would have been all over that.
- 00:16:12,477 --> 00:16:13,580 Deliria: I know!
- 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,984 Shlub: Maybe we shouldn't complicate things so much.
- 00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:18,088 Deliria: Or...this was a success.
- 00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:20,527 We wanted to spice things up, and we both felt jealousy
- 00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:24,267 for the first time--me for a chair, you for a turtle--
- 00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:26,338 and I don't know what criteria you use,
- 00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:29,044 but that's pretty spicy to me.
- 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:30,781 Shlub: You're right. Now, come over here
- 00:16:30,881 --> 00:16:32,016 and let me sit on you.
- 00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:34,021 Scott: Why'd you do it, Hippo?
- 00:16:34,121 --> 00:16:35,591 Hippocampus: I needed a win, OK?
- 00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:38,362 Everyone always expects so much from me, and I keep
- 00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:40,499 churning out inventions that never get used,
- 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,704 and then the minute I can't think of a good idea,
- 00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:45,644 my stupid brother shows up in a confidence suit.
- 00:16:45,744 --> 00:16:48,315 Scott: That's gotta be tough, but I don't know the feeling.
- 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:50,352 I wish someone would expect something from me.
- 00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:53,192 My father wasn't really around growing up, and I--
- 00:16:53,292 --> 00:16:54,762 Hippocampus: I've got to stop you.
- 00:16:54,862 --> 00:16:56,533 I didn't even know you were a palace guard until today.
- 00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,537 I can't pretend we have this kind of relationship.
- 00:16:58,637 --> 00:17:00,674 We should probably just grab a couple of mops
- 00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:02,043 and clean this up.
- 00:17:02,143 --> 00:17:03,445 Scott: If you're so hard up for ideas,
- 00:17:03,546 --> 00:17:05,951 why not invent something that cleans up moth guts?
- 00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:08,388 Hippocampus: That's not a bad idea!
- 00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:10,794 Thank you...
- 00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,798 Scott: Scott! My name is Scott!
- 00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,000 I'm a palace guard!
- 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:17,073 Why do you guys never remember me?!
- 00:17:17,173 --> 00:17:18,408 Tyrannis: What is going on here?
- 00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:19,913 Stupendous: They had a strategy, Ty,
- 00:17:20,046 --> 00:17:21,482 which we should have had, which I did have.
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,219 Timon: And she was properly wary of Barfus and me.
- 00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:25,390 Tyrannis: What? Why would anyone be wary of you guys?
- 00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,795 Barfus: Because we're spies, ya nimrod.
- 00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:29,063 Stupendous: Of course they are.
- 00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:30,299 Tyrannis: But Timon is a dentist.
- 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:31,903 He talks about it all the time.
- 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:33,372 Timon: There's no such thing as a dentist!
- 00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:34,942 Why would anyone clean a tooth?
- 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:37,346 It's just gonna get more food on it the next time you eat.
- 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,518 Tyrannis: But you put your hands in all of our mouths.
- 00:17:39,619 --> 00:17:42,156 Barfus: You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you
- 00:17:42,256 --> 00:17:44,128 I thought you was right and Ty was wrong,
- 00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:45,496 but part of being a spy
- 00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:48,002 is keeping that sort of thing to yourself.
- 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,605 Stupendous: I appreciate that, Barfus.
- 00:17:49,706 --> 00:17:51,475 King of the Valley: First of all, I want to thank you guys
- 00:17:51,576 --> 00:17:53,780 for this opportunity to make some demands
- 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,085 on another kingdom for a change.
- 00:17:56,218 --> 00:17:57,555 It's super refreshing!
- 00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,491 Tyrannis: Can't you just break out of that cage?
- 00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,529 Stupendous: Maybe, if you'd apologize.
- 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,099 Tyrannis: I'm sorry, OK? You were right.
- 00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:04,836 Stupendous: Thank you! Now, of course I can
- 00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:06,371 break out of this cage,
- 00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:08,977 but I'm not gonna just take on these guys on my own.
- 00:18:09,077 --> 00:18:10,647 I was right, but I'm not stupid.
- 00:18:10,747 --> 00:18:13,152 You got us into this, you gotta get us out.
- 00:18:13,252 --> 00:18:14,454 Tyrannis: What are the demands?
- 00:18:14,555 --> 00:18:16,058 King of the Valley: Immediate retreat,
- 00:18:16,158 --> 00:18:17,293 and we get control of the mountain pass
- 00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:18,563 you took to get in here.
- 00:18:18,663 --> 00:18:20,266 Stupendous: Make him give up that suit.
- 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,536 King of the Valley: All right, I don't care.
- 00:18:21,669 --> 00:18:23,238 Stupendous: Oh, and make him say,
- 00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:25,343 "I'm a silly king who didn't know what I was doing
- 00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:27,146 and got in over my head."
- 00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:28,482 Tyrannis: Seriously, Stupe? Why don't you tell us
- 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:30,119 how you let yourself get captured?
- 00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:31,590 I'm sure there wasn't any silliness there.
- 00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,392 Persian Soldier: She was drinking in our bar.
- 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,229 Persian Soldier 2: We were gonna go and get her after,
- 00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:37,300 but then there she was, just sitting there in our bar.
- 00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,970 Persian soldier 1: Our Persian soldier bar!
- 00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:40,273 Persian Soldier 2: So, we were like,
- 00:18:40,406 --> 00:18:41,909 "Should we just bust out the net?"
- 00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:43,680 Stupendous: OK, OK. Truce.
- 00:18:43,746 --> 00:18:45,617 King of the Valley: So...you guys good?
- 00:18:45,717 --> 00:18:48,590 - Hmm? - Um, yeah...
- 00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:51,529 King of the Valley: I love it! I'm gonna dine out on this story
- 00:18:51,629 --> 00:18:52,665 for a long time.
- 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,002 Soldier: Aah!
- 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,872 Tyrannis: Well, that was a bust.
- 00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:58,843 Stupendous: Yeah, but can I be honest?
- 00:18:58,943 --> 00:19:00,547 I kind of do like suit you.
- 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,250 I was in a rut, and you gave me something
- 00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:03,419 to be excited about again.
- 00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:05,255 Tyrannis: Thank you for saying that.
- 00:19:05,356 --> 00:19:07,828 Honestly, I got so wrapped up in finally getting respect.
- 00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,164 At least we got off easy.
- 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,834 Stupendous: Sure. What could the Persians do
- 00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:13,806 with control of the only known overland pass to Krapopolis
- 00:19:13,906 --> 00:19:16,044 and the knowledge of when and how to cross it?
- 00:19:16,177 --> 00:19:17,781 Tyrannis: Let's call that a tomorrow problem.
- 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:19,985 Bard: Ooh, what kind of song would you like for this?
- 00:19:20,085 --> 00:19:21,388 An inspirational dirge?
- 00:19:21,488 --> 00:19:23,359 - Go to hell, Bard! - Give it a rest, Bard.
- 00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:24,662 Tyrannis: You know who I miss?
- 00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:26,398 Stupendous: That guy we yell at, yeah.
- 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,503 Tyrannis: Uh, what's his name? S...
- 00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:31,207 - Scooter. - No. Scoo--Ska--Ska?
- 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:32,711 Ska! Skaa...n.
- 00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:35,216 Stupendous: Ugh! why did I think it would be a good idea
- 00:19:35,349 --> 00:19:36,519 to do this in the dark?
- 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:37,955 Tyrannis: Is that snow? Is it snowing?
- 00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:39,457 Soldier: What? Soldiers: Ohh...
- 00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,028 Tyrannis: Everybody, find your buddies and hold on.
- 00:19:41,128 --> 00:19:42,330 We can do this!
- 00:19:42,396 --> 00:19:43,767 Joshua: My buddy is a goat. Is that OK?
- 00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,937 Stupendous: When we retaliate, let's send Joshua
- 00:19:46,038 --> 00:19:47,273 to the front line.
- 00:19:47,339 --> 00:19:49,010 Tyrannis: I was thinking exactly the same thing.
- 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:52,283 Stupendous: Anybody can be Skaan!
- 00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,887 Tyrannis and Stupendous: Ha ha ha!
- 00:19:53,953 --> 00:19:57,661 Joshua: They're gonna find out nobody laughs at Joshua.
- 00:19:57,794 --> 00:20:00,499 Heh heh heh!
- 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,369 Joshua!
- 00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:07,046 Chira: So, did the suit not work out?
- 00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:08,082 Tyrannis: No, it did.
- 00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:10,787 I conquered Persia, but then I realized I didn't have
- 00:20:10,887 --> 00:20:13,292 to wear a different outfit to be myself.
- 00:20:13,392 --> 00:20:15,163 Chira: Well, if everyone has that realization,
- 00:20:15,296 --> 00:20:16,866 I'll be out of a job.
- 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,235 [Laughter]
- 00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:20,139 Also, sounds like a pretty incomplete version
- 00:20:20,239 --> 00:20:22,210 of the story, but I know what you're saying.
- 00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,549 Sometimes I feel like I can't really be myself.
- 00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:26,652 Take my dead husband. He took an arrow
- 00:20:26,786 --> 00:20:28,422 through the ear hole in Mycenae.
- 00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:32,230 I toyed with the idea of selling a hat that looked like that,
- 00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:34,201 with an arrow through your head,
- 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,970 but who's gonna buy something fun like that
- 00:20:36,071 --> 00:20:37,040 from a war widow?
- 00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:38,409 People got no sense of humor.
- 00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:39,846 Tyrannis: Well, I think it's pretty funny.
- 00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,785 Don't doubt yourself. Chira: I appreciate that.
- 00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:44,120 Scott: Turn her back!
- 00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:45,523 Wizard: I have professional integrity.
- 00:20:45,624 --> 00:20:47,794 I'm not gonna undo any spell unless--
- 00:20:47,894 --> 00:20:49,131 Scott: Turn her back!
- 00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:50,299 Miriam, as the chair: Oh, for God's sakes.
- 00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,468 Wizard, it's OK.
- 00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:53,105 Wizard: [Sighs] Zap.
- 00:20:53,239 --> 00:20:54,708 Miriam: There, Scott. Ya happy now?
- 00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:57,013 I mean, we just started sleeping together, and you're
- 00:20:57,113 --> 00:20:58,482 already pulling this?
- 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,920 Scott: Everything was going great until this wizard--
- 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:03,058 Wizard: Hey! Don't blame me for your problems.
- 00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:05,263 I'm just an immigrant from the North trying to make a living
- 00:21:05,363 --> 00:21:06,833 for my wizlands!
- 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,769 Miriam: Look, Scott, if you want to be with me, you have
- 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:12,377 to understand that sometimes I like to be a sexy chair.
- 00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:14,047 Scott: I'm fine with that!
- 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,819 But just sometimes, can you want to be
- 00:21:16,919 --> 00:21:20,059 a sexy chair with me?
- 00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,195 Miriam: Mm!
- 00:21:21,295 --> 00:21:22,664 Wizard: I hate these slip-trip...
- 00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:25,904 [Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep]
- 00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:27,040 flappers.
- 00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:28,275 Oh, hey, Paizo.
- 00:21:28,408 --> 00:21:30,948 Miriam: You taste so good.
- 00:21:31,148 --> 00:21:32,617 Man: Did you get any of that?
- 00:21:35,022 --> 00:21:36,525 - Bento. [People cheering]
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