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Великие
The Majors
Сезон: 01Серия: 17
Описание
Посейдон уличает Ареса в желании получить порку от солдат, поклоняющихся ему, после победы в войне. На суде над Аресом, проходившем на горе Олимп перед Аполлоном, Гермесом, Посейдоном, Афиной, Герой, Афродитой, Дионисом и Паном, Аполлон приговаривает Ареса к лишению титула и понижению до статуса второстепенного бога. Делирия встречает Соль, второстепенного бога, который вызывает у океана рвоту. На прослушивании на замену олимпийцу, проводимом Аполлоном (что не является поводом для насмешек над второстепенными богами), среди претендентов были, помимо прочих, Метикул: бог группировок и порядка, Ноктурн: бог ночных миссий, Джинкс: бог сглаза, безымянная богиня чаш и сосудов, безымянная богиня апельсиновой кожуры и безымянный бог предчихания и оргазмов, которые происходят в это время. Делирия помогает Солту в его соревновании с Афиной и её протеже Маккензус: Богиней Аксессуаров. Тем временем жители Крапополиса ушли в леса из-за увеличения количества экскрементов. Гиппокамп пытается найти способ справиться с этим, что приводит к изобретению туалета, который Тираннис не может сделать на глазах у всех, а также из-за опасений, что змеи могут заползти в него и укусить людей за задницу.
Субтитры
- 00:00:05,477 --> 00:00:07,849 Aah!
- 00:00:07,849 --> 00:00:10,387 O Ares, great god of war,
- 00:00:10,387 --> 00:00:13,962 we thank you for this glorious victory and--
- 00:00:13,962 --> 00:00:15,699 Ares, you're here!
- 00:00:15,699 --> 00:00:16,734 Of course!
- 00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:17,936 You fought bravely.
- 00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:19,305 I wanted to come congratulate you.
- 00:00:19,305 --> 00:00:21,343 army: All hail Ares!
- 00:00:21,343 --> 00:00:22,545 Yes, yes, I'll take your praise
- 00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,215 and whatever sacrifices you want to make.
- 00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:25,283 Just put them over there.
- 00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:29,993 But first, form a circle and take turns spanking me.
- 00:00:29,993 --> 00:00:31,429 I'm sorry. What?
- 00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:35,204 Form a circle and take turns swatting my behind.
- 00:00:35,204 --> 00:00:38,109 Is this, like, a ceremony?
- 00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:39,378 You can call it whatever you want,
- 00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:41,015 but it's definitely happening.
- 00:00:41,015 --> 00:00:42,118 Don't look away.
- 00:00:42,218 --> 00:00:44,055 Your disgust is part of this.
- 00:00:44,055 --> 00:00:45,090 OK.
- 00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:47,027 Uh, all hail--
- 00:00:47,128 --> 00:00:48,262 Just get to it!
- 00:00:48,262 --> 00:00:50,000 If anyone asks, I didn't do this.
- 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,837 I did something normal.
- 00:00:51,837 --> 00:00:53,273 Ares!
- 00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:56,312 What the hell are you doing?
- 00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:57,749 What?
- 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,224 Ares, son of Zeus, god of war, civic order, and--
- 00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:04,996 this I did not know--uncles,
- 00:01:04,996 --> 00:01:07,034 we find you guilty of conduct
- 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,905 unbecoming of an Olympian.
- 00:01:08,905 --> 00:01:10,541 Oh, this is bullcrap!
- 00:01:10,541 --> 00:01:13,446 Since when are we supposed to be ashamed of what we're into?
- 00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:16,085 Didn't sound like your worshippers were into it.
- 00:01:16,085 --> 00:01:17,722 That's what I'm into!
- 00:01:17,722 --> 00:01:19,025 You all have your kinks.
- 00:01:19,025 --> 00:01:20,695 You had sex with your brother.
- 00:01:20,695 --> 00:01:24,135 You fell in love with a baby and locked him in a box.
- 00:01:24,235 --> 00:01:27,274 You turned a woman into that flute you blow.
- 00:01:30,181 --> 00:01:32,853 The fact remains, your thing is weird.
- 00:01:32,853 --> 00:01:34,222 Says the squid diddler.
- 00:01:34,222 --> 00:01:36,426 Darlene is an octopus!
- 00:01:36,426 --> 00:01:37,595 Enough.
- 00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:39,934 You are to be stripped of your titles,
- 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,870 removed from Mount Olympus,
- 00:01:41,870 --> 00:01:44,743 and downgraded to a minor god.
- 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:45,912 Get him out of here.
- 00:01:45,912 --> 00:01:47,014 Oh, we're stripping titles?
- 00:01:47,014 --> 00:01:48,217 I'll take battle lust.
- 00:01:48,217 --> 00:01:49,853 I'll take courage if no one wants it.
- 00:01:49,853 --> 00:01:51,122 Oh, I love that for you.
- 00:01:51,122 --> 00:01:52,224 Could I take war?
- 00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:53,728 I'm war too!
- 00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:54,663 both: War buddies!
- 00:01:54,663 --> 00:01:58,838 Ugh, I hate that I'm enjoying this.
- 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,423 Did you guys hear that-- all: We heard.
- 00:02:25,423 --> 00:02:27,194 It's on every vase in town.
- 00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:29,398 They finally got the old bastard for spanking.
- 00:02:29,398 --> 00:02:31,369 - You knew? - It was an open secret.
- 00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,508 Every soldier I know has a story about Ares.
- 00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:35,077 Where do you think we got the expression
- 00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:36,947 "swat the butt of victory"?
- 00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:37,916 That's where that came from.
- 00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,753 I thought it was just one of your gibberish war cries,
- 00:02:39,753 --> 00:02:42,090 like the other one, "Let's bum slap the old man"--
- 00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:43,226 Oh, yeah, I'm hearing it.
- 00:02:43,326 --> 00:02:44,495 I'm putting it together now.
- 00:02:44,495 --> 00:02:46,933 So, Mom, there's an opening on Olympus.
- 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,103 You gonna try to get back in?
- 00:02:48,103 --> 00:02:49,606 Why? Because they kicked me out?
- 00:02:49,606 --> 00:02:51,243 I don't care that they kicked me out.
- 00:02:51,243 --> 00:02:52,746 Maybe I kicked them out.
- 00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:55,852 Did you ever bother to ask me who kicked out whom?
- 00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:57,254 Shlub, subject change.
- 00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:58,891 All right, I'm starving.
- 00:02:58,891 --> 00:03:00,027 Where is our food?
- 00:03:00,027 --> 00:03:01,229 And as a follow-up question,
- 00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:02,699 did our food kill our staff again?
- 00:03:02,799 --> 00:03:05,004 And as another follow-up, may I eat them?
- 00:03:05,004 --> 00:03:06,272 No, the staff isn't dead.
- 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:07,308 People are just leaving the city.
- 00:03:07,308 --> 00:03:10,180 Yesterday three families went back to the wilderness.
- 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,248 Back to the wilderness?
- 00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:12,518 Why would anyone do that?
- 00:03:12,518 --> 00:03:14,121 They said it's because of the poop.
- 00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:16,026 There's poop piling up everywhere.
- 00:03:16,026 --> 00:03:17,294 Makes sense to me.
- 00:03:17,294 --> 00:03:19,298 There's no better way to mark your territory.
- 00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:21,436 Yeah, by the way, I noticed your territory
- 00:03:21,436 --> 00:03:24,375 has expanded to the hallway outside my lab.
- 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:27,281 And if you want it back, you know how to get it.
- 00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,416 I don't understand why people aren't
- 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,953 just taking care of their poo.
- 00:03:29,953 --> 00:03:31,422 Do you take care of your poo?
- 00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:34,161 Yes, I poo in a little box, and Kyle deals with it
- 00:03:34,161 --> 00:03:35,731 so I don't have to touch it.
- 00:03:35,731 --> 00:03:36,533 Thank you, Kyle.
- 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,003 I could make people stop pooing.
- 00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,172 Mom, no.
- 00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:40,608 Remember, it makes them explode?
- 00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:43,346 Don't ask for pitches and then poke holes in them.
- 00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:45,184 Hole pokers receive no pitches.
- 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,419 Tell that to Ares.
- 00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:52,097 Supercool--
- 00:03:55,037 --> 00:03:56,238 Supercool entrance.
- 00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:57,407 Oh, dear God.
- 00:03:57,508 --> 00:03:58,644 Oh, that's so nice.
- 00:03:58,644 --> 00:04:00,280 I didn't know if you'd remember me.
- 00:04:01,483 --> 00:04:02,953 You don't remember me.
- 00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:04,489 I'm Salt, your cousin.
- 00:04:04,489 --> 00:04:06,392 We talked a couple of thousand years ago
- 00:04:06,392 --> 00:04:08,463 at Orpheus and Eurydice's wedding.
- 00:04:08,463 --> 00:04:10,568 I was the one who-- - Smelled of seaweed.
- 00:04:10,568 --> 00:04:12,839 I'm afraid I do remember you after all.
- 00:04:12,839 --> 00:04:13,674 Salt?
- 00:04:13,807 --> 00:04:15,811 He's the god who makes seawater pukey.
- 00:04:15,811 --> 00:04:19,218 Mm-hmm, I serve a crucial role in the ocean biome.
- 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,188 You give sailors diarrhea.
- 00:04:21,188 --> 00:04:22,525 That's my main power, yeah.
- 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:25,363 Anyway, I'm just on the way up to Olympus.
- 00:04:25,363 --> 00:04:28,202 They're having a contest to find the next Olympian.
- 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,606 Maybe you could help me win it,
- 00:04:29,706 --> 00:04:31,677 give me some pointers and advice.
- 00:04:31,677 --> 00:04:34,448 Mm, my advice is, don't embarrass yourself.
- 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,085 It's a cool kids club.
- 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:37,421 Do you understand what that means?
- 00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:39,192 Of course you don't. I rescind the question.
- 00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:40,493 I know what it means,
- 00:04:40,493 --> 00:04:42,966 but shouldn't Olympus be better than that,
- 00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:44,135 more inclusive?
- 00:04:44,135 --> 00:04:45,938 I have a lot to offer.
- 00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:47,074 No one agrees.
- 00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:48,210 Well, we'll just see.
- 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,980 And supercool exit!
- 00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:51,517 Whoa!
- 00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:54,388 That guy wants to take Ares' place?
- 00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:56,392 Who even prays to him, algae?
- 00:04:56,392 --> 00:04:57,528 And krill.
- 00:04:57,528 --> 00:04:59,632 Lovely creatures, jewels of the ocean.
- 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,803 Not so lovely if you're a krill woman.
- 00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:04,409 Their whole society is built on sexism.
- 00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:06,913 Why do you have to bring gender into it?
- 00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:08,383 You kids ruin everything.
- 00:05:08,383 --> 00:05:10,621 You were stoked when Ares got canceled.
- 00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:13,292 It's called virtue signaling.
- 00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:16,332 Welcome, gods, both major and minor.
- 00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:18,369 Minors suck.
- 00:05:18,369 --> 00:05:20,641 Yeah, OK, OK, let's try to keep it godly.
- 00:05:20,641 --> 00:05:22,679 I don't really have a cough.
- 00:05:22,679 --> 00:05:24,950 Today we begin the process of selecting
- 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:25,818 the next Olympian.
- 00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:27,655 And I want you all to know that this
- 00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:29,926 is an entirely real contest.
- 00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:33,232 We are definitely not staging this whole thing just to...
- 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,903 Laugh at minor gods.
- 00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:37,407 So let's meet our contestants.
- 00:05:37,407 --> 00:05:39,646 I am Meticulus, god of getting
- 00:05:39,646 --> 00:05:43,353 little things lined up in the correct order or groupings.
- 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:45,424 Groupings and order? Hmm.
- 00:05:45,424 --> 00:05:47,160 Order or groupings.
- 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,365 - Oh, my. - OK, next.
- 00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:52,304 I am Nocturnus, god of nocturnal emissions.
- 00:05:52,304 --> 00:05:53,406 Mm.
- 00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,477 And how does one become god of that?
- 00:05:55,477 --> 00:05:57,181 Honestly, it just happens.
- 00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,117 I'm Jinx.
- 00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:01,856 I'm the god of that thing where two people
- 00:06:01,856 --> 00:06:04,596 say the same thing at the same time.
- 00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:05,998 I'm pretty fun.
- 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,200 Humans love me.
- 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,573 Goddess of cups and containers.
- 00:06:09,573 --> 00:06:12,712 Goddess of oranges but just the rind.
- 00:06:12,712 --> 00:06:15,117 God of that thing where you feel like you have a sneeze
- 00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:16,786 but you never get there.
- 00:06:16,786 --> 00:06:20,661 And I'm also the god of when orgasms do that too.
- 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:23,266 Now, you, what's your minor deal?
- 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:24,334 Uh, hi.
- 00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,506 Uh, I'm Salt, god of salt.
- 00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:28,443 And I'm here because I believe
- 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,447 Olympians can be better.
- 00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:33,955 Yeah, we can set the standard for all the gods
- 00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:37,962 as beacons of light, wisdom, and harmony.
- 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,335 Deliria, I'm glad to see you made it
- 00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,839 to this god replacement competition
- 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:44,877 since you couldn't make it to your own.
- 00:06:44,877 --> 00:06:47,414 You're not here to try to get back in, are you?
- 00:06:47,414 --> 00:06:48,851 No, I would never want back in
- 00:06:48,851 --> 00:06:51,488 because I have self-respect and a brain.
- 00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:53,860 I love how you're making yourself the hero of it.
- 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:56,499 Anyway, it doesn't matter because we already know
- 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,936 who we're going to choose.
- 00:06:57,936 --> 00:06:59,205 Hi, y'all.
- 00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:00,507 I'm Makenzus.
- 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,512 I'm goddess of hats and accessories,
- 00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:04,783 and I love jewelry and going on boats
- 00:07:04,783 --> 00:07:06,419 and horseback riding with Athena,
- 00:07:06,419 --> 00:07:08,155 who's, like, my best friend.
- 00:07:08,155 --> 00:07:10,595 Hi, Thenie!
- 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,105 - Hippo, where are you on the-- - Shh, shh! Not now.
- 00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:18,243 It's almost done.
- 00:07:18,243 --> 00:07:20,313 I call it mass media.
- 00:07:20,313 --> 00:07:22,518 This could revolutionize journalism.
- 00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:24,087 You should be revolutionizing poo!
- 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:26,894 Oh, so the guy who has his own personal poo handler
- 00:07:26,894 --> 00:07:31,135 is ordering me to be everyone else's personal poo handler.
- 00:07:31,135 --> 00:07:32,037 I'm the king.
- 00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:33,774 If that doesn't get me out of handling poo,
- 00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:35,745 then why did I even buy this crown and call myself king?
- 00:07:35,745 --> 00:07:37,414 Well, I'm a supergenius.
- 00:07:37,414 --> 00:07:39,252 This problem is beneath me.
- 00:07:39,252 --> 00:07:40,420 It's beneath everyone.
- 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,890 And I need it to stop being that.
- 00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:44,295 both: You're so annoying! Jinx!
- 00:07:44,295 --> 00:07:45,531 Hey, yo.
- 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:46,800 Oh, Jinx, you got us.
- 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,504 Why do I love when that happens?
- 00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:50,139 Thanks. Yeah, it's just fun, right?
- 00:07:50,139 --> 00:07:52,645 It really is, even in the middle of an argument.
- 00:07:52,645 --> 00:07:55,083 It just reminds you not to take everything so seriously.
- 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,622 Thanks. Yeah, that's what I was going for.
- 00:07:57,622 --> 00:07:59,157 both: Well, you nailed it.
- 00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:02,932 It's just always good.
- 00:08:02,932 --> 00:08:05,705 Anyway, can you please deal with the poo?
- 00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:06,807 Yeah, I'll take a look at it.
- 00:08:06,807 --> 00:08:11,917 OK, so you rolled a Pegasus, so your guy's dead.
- 00:08:11,917 --> 00:08:14,755 - Salt, I'm getting you in. - You're gonna help me?
- 00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:17,695 Was it because of my speech about making things better?
- 00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:18,764 Did you give a speech?
- 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,601 No, it's because those people
- 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,103 shouldn't get everything they want.
- 00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:22,905 That's right.
- 00:08:23,039 --> 00:08:24,843 Why shouldn't one of the good guys get in?
- 00:08:24,843 --> 00:08:27,447 Wrong takeaway, but we're on the same side here.
- 00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:28,951 I can't wait to see Athena's face
- 00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:31,657 when one of you losers moves in next door.
- 00:08:31,657 --> 00:08:33,293 To change things.
- 00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:34,495 Aw.
- 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:35,964 Now, stand up straight and tall,
- 00:08:35,964 --> 00:08:39,105 shoulders back, chin out, and ditch your friends.
- 00:08:39,105 --> 00:08:40,608 - Huh? - I'm taking Salt.
- 00:08:40,608 --> 00:08:42,778 You'll never see him again. Minors suck.
- 00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:49,826 And hair and toga and armor.
- 00:08:49,826 --> 00:08:52,131 There, you're looking more Olympian already.
- 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,199 Now let me see you walk.
- 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,335 The walk is important.
- 00:08:54,335 --> 00:08:55,638 Chin up.
- 00:08:55,638 --> 00:08:57,040 Oop, I'm sorry.
- 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:57,876 You're what?
- 00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,612 I'm not sorry.
- 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:00,815 Grow a pair!
- 00:09:00,815 --> 00:09:02,652 And watch where you're going, mortal!
- 00:09:02,652 --> 00:09:03,787 Now, who are you?
- 00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:05,724 - I'm Salt-- - Saltus.
- 00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:09,331 I am Saltus, god of ocean battles.
- 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,634 Yes.
- 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,239 Born from the briny depths of the darkest sea.
- 00:09:13,239 --> 00:09:14,642 Sailors fear me,
- 00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:17,515 for I give life or I bring death.
- 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,753 Forgive me, O great Salt.
- 00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:21,455 Now turn him into something.
- 00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,727 - Huh? - Zap him, like this.
- 00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,497 Flavius? Flavius?
- 00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:26,734 I'm down here.
- 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,704 This is our reality now.
- 00:09:28,704 --> 00:09:30,641 Well, that seems so mean and pointless.
- 00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:31,910 No argument here.
- 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,346 The gods you're trying to impress
- 00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:34,783 are mean and pointless.
- 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,154 They'll never respect you if you're nice.
- 00:09:37,154 --> 00:09:37,922 But I am nice.
- 00:09:38,056 --> 00:09:39,660 I want to be the nice guy on Olympus.
- 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:40,728 I would love that.
- 00:09:40,728 --> 00:09:41,763 Once I get you in there,
- 00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:43,534 you can be as nice as you want.
- 00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:45,137 Now ruin this man's life.
- 00:09:45,137 --> 00:09:48,176 So this is like a training thing or--
- 00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:49,278 Keep going.
- 00:09:49,278 --> 00:09:50,514 Get freaky with it.
- 00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:52,552 Because we could do it as role-play
- 00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:54,221 if that makes it easier.
- 00:09:54,221 --> 00:09:55,456 It's easier for me.
- 00:09:55,456 --> 00:09:56,760 Well, now it's just a giraffe.
- 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,164 Put some snake back in.
- 00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:00,200 Perfect.
- 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:00,935 Is it, though?
- 00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,972 Flavius, I can't do this.
- 00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:05,578 I can't make it work with you looking like that.
- 00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:08,751 OK, she left me.
- 00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:11,355 She only liked me for my body,
- 00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:13,527 which, you know, is good to know.
- 00:10:13,627 --> 00:10:15,531 Got to say, I surprised myself.
- 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,033 I ended up loving this assignment.
- 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,071 - Really? - It's cutting-edge science.
- 00:10:19,071 --> 00:10:20,975 Let me take you on a little journey.
- 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:23,880 These are my early attempts, all variations on a theme.
- 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,721 The idea was to attack the problem inside the body.
- 00:10:27,721 --> 00:10:29,825 This is a standard suction device.
- 00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,763 This one goes in through the throat.
- 00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:33,365 This one was interesting.
- 00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:36,372 I asked myself, what if you could turn poop into gold?
- 00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:37,575 The answer was no.
- 00:10:37,575 --> 00:10:39,278 I pooped gold once...
- 00:10:39,278 --> 00:10:40,948 'cause I ate gold.
- 00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:43,553 Then I started working on moving the pooper
- 00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:44,989 instead of the poop.
- 00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:47,293 You'll see right away what the problem is.
- 00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:48,530 Now! Now!
- 00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,167 Now, now, now!
- 00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,536 Now!
- 00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:52,705 Sorry, boss.
- 00:10:52,705 --> 00:10:54,509 I couldn't get there in time.
- 00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:56,613 You did your best, soldier.
- 00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:58,015 Then I started focusing on holes.
- 00:10:58,015 --> 00:11:01,389 Poop and holes have a long-standing relationship.
- 00:11:01,389 --> 00:11:05,664 I was getting closer, but testers keep falling in.
- 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,568 All sorts of problems with this one.
- 00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:08,937 This one, we had to modify to--
- 00:11:08,937 --> 00:11:10,941 OK, well, that's user error.
- 00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:12,712 But then it finally hit me.
- 00:11:12,712 --> 00:11:14,582 This is the poo chair.
- 00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:16,152 It's just like your personal poo chair,
- 00:11:16,152 --> 00:11:18,724 but this one has a tube that goes right out to the ocean.
- 00:11:18,724 --> 00:11:19,993 That's genius.
- 00:11:19,993 --> 00:11:22,631 The water becomes everyone's Kyle.
- 00:11:22,631 --> 00:11:23,867 You want to take it for a spin?
- 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:25,604 Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible.
- 00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:26,740 I'm a shy pooer.
- 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:27,942 Do you poop in front of Kyle?
- 00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:30,748 Yes, but only because I've dehumanized him in my mind.
- 00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:33,319 But if there's one thing I can do, I can sell.
- 00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:35,991 You get this thing ready, and I will push the crap out
- 00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:38,664 of pushing the crap into it.
- 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,701 Do I have to go to this party?
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,103 The party is the most important part.
- 00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,775 They have to like you but not be jealous of you
- 00:11:44,775 --> 00:11:46,345 but be slightly jealous of you
- 00:11:46,345 --> 00:11:48,750 but just enough that they want to keep you close.
- 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,186 I don't know how to do that.
- 00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:52,224 Well, just remember the catchphrases I taught you.
- 00:11:52,224 --> 00:11:54,896 Shallow people really latch on to catchphrases.
- 00:11:54,896 --> 00:11:56,633 They're conversational training wheels.
- 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,102 Yeah, I got them.
- 00:11:58,102 --> 00:12:00,675 "This guy gets it," "man after my own heart,"
- 00:12:00,675 --> 00:12:02,143 and "marry me already."
- 00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:04,916 Oh, look at my perfect little douchebag.
- 00:12:04,916 --> 00:12:06,786 Do you really think you could make Olympus better?
- 00:12:06,786 --> 00:12:08,924 - I do. - I think you just might.
- 00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:12,397 Now, get in there and wow them but not too much.
- 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,675 Well, well, well, look who decided to show.
- 00:12:17,675 --> 00:12:19,946 This guy gets it.
- 00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:20,848 What?
- 00:12:20,848 --> 00:12:23,019 Man after my own heart.
- 00:12:23,019 --> 00:12:24,956 He's clever.
- 00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:26,593 Without being threatening.
- 00:12:26,593 --> 00:12:28,798 Let me get you a drink.
- 00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:30,500 Marry me already.
- 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,703 Oh, yeah.
- 00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:33,373 This guy gets it!
- 00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:36,546 You see that? You see that?
- 00:12:37,581 --> 00:12:39,084 This guy gets it.
- 00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:42,357 Aphrodite, I'm Salt, god of sea battles,
- 00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:45,998 sailors, sustenance, and making women happy.
- 00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,537 Well, I'm the goddess of love,
- 00:12:48,537 --> 00:12:49,706 sometimes marriage.
- 00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:51,108 Well, then marry me already.
- 00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:53,781 Oh.
- 00:12:53,781 --> 00:12:55,952 Oh, that's wonderful.
- 00:12:55,952 --> 00:12:57,522 We like this one.
- 00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:58,691 Can we keep this one?
- 00:12:58,691 --> 00:13:00,694 - Where's Salt? - Where's Salt?
- 00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:02,430 I think I saw him with Athena.
- 00:13:05,904 --> 00:13:07,107 And then you pull this chain,
- 00:13:07,107 --> 00:13:09,746 releasing water that washes the poo away,
- 00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,349 never to be seen again.
- 00:13:11,449 --> 00:13:12,618 Any questions?
- 00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:14,421 Yeah, I have a question.
- 00:13:14,421 --> 00:13:15,356 What about snakes?
- 00:13:15,356 --> 00:13:17,059 What do you mean, what about snakes?
- 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,130 Well, how are you gonna keep snakes
- 00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:20,868 from crawling up through that thing
- 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,170 and biting me in the butt?
- 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,874 Why would a snake even want to do that?
- 00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:24,975 Why would you build a tunnel
- 00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,546 right from the river to my butt?
- 00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:29,685 Do you think snakes go around looking for butts to bite?
- 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,021 They're not looking for butts.
- 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,490 They're just looking to get out of the box.
- 00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:35,597 And if there's a butt in the way, it's getting bit.
- 00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,238 How is it a given that the snake is even in the box?
- 00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:41,576 Because you led them right to it!
- 00:13:41,576 --> 00:13:44,481 It sounds to me like you guys are coming up with excuses
- 00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:45,784 to avoid progress.
- 00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,020 Why don't you use it?
- 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,890 I'm not doing that. It wouldn't be kingly.
- 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,293 I have to respect the office.
- 00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:51,763 Come on! Poop!
- 00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:53,867 crowd: Poop! Poop! Poop! Poop!
- 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,436 No, absolutely not.
- 00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:58,175 If you saw me do that, you would never respect me again.
- 00:13:58,175 --> 00:14:00,080 If we saw you do it, at least it would clear up
- 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,950 the snake controversy.
- 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,154 You guys created the snake controversy.
- 00:14:04,154 --> 00:14:08,496 You created what can only be described as a snake highway.
- 00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:09,498 What's a highway?
- 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:10,634 For snakes?
- 00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,036 This!
- 00:14:12,036 --> 00:14:14,274 No, come on, she's great.
- 00:14:14,274 --> 00:14:16,913 All right, I'll see you at the contest.
- 00:14:18,884 --> 00:14:20,955 Mwah! This gal can get it.
- 00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:23,694 Oh, my God, you played with the expression.
- 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,031 Did you sleep with her?
- 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,568 Salt saw an opening,
- 00:14:27,568 --> 00:14:29,137 and Salt went for it.
- 00:14:29,137 --> 00:14:30,774 This is us. You can drop the act.
- 00:14:30,774 --> 00:14:32,712 Don't do your Deliria thing.
- 00:14:32,712 --> 00:14:33,814 What's that supposed to mean?
- 00:14:33,814 --> 00:14:35,316 Well, they told me all about you,
- 00:14:35,316 --> 00:14:37,888 how you get all worked up over dumb stuff
- 00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:39,892 and then make them the bad guys?
- 00:14:39,892 --> 00:14:42,632 You know Athena has a nickname for you?
- 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,102 She calls you Hysteria.
- 00:14:45,102 --> 00:14:47,340 Never call me Hysteria.
- 00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:49,545 We were trying to change Olympus.
- 00:14:49,545 --> 00:14:51,014 Mm, were we?
- 00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:54,889 Or were you trying to piss off Athena, Hysteria?
- 00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,103 Not now.
- 00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:05,242 I agree, but I don't see
- 00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:07,515 why you have to bring gender into it.
- 00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:11,354 Well, at least I have virtue to signal.
- 00:15:15,731 --> 00:15:17,969 Uh, supercool entrance?
- 00:15:17,969 --> 00:15:19,572 I don't want your apology.
- 00:15:19,572 --> 00:15:21,843 You know, I was actually starting to believe in you.
- 00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:23,112 No, you weren't.
- 00:15:23,112 --> 00:15:25,183 No, I really was.
- 00:15:25,183 --> 00:15:26,987 At first, I just wanted to hurt Athena,
- 00:15:27,087 --> 00:15:29,191 but then along came this wide-eyed boy
- 00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:31,529 who wanted to do some good.
- 00:15:31,529 --> 00:15:32,564 What can I say?
- 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,034 You grew on me.
- 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,238 I'm sorry I called you Hysteria.
- 00:15:36,238 --> 00:15:40,113 I guess I just got caught up in all the glitz and glamor
- 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,050 of being with the Olympians.
- 00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:43,385 Well, I can't blame you for that.
- 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:46,459 I got caught up in it, too, when they liked me.
- 00:15:46,459 --> 00:15:47,127 You did?
- 00:15:47,127 --> 00:15:48,162 I felt important,
- 00:15:48,162 --> 00:15:49,632 better than the rabble.
- 00:15:49,632 --> 00:15:50,768 Were we cruel and vapid?
- 00:15:50,768 --> 00:15:52,605 Yes, but we were the cool kids.
- 00:15:52,605 --> 00:15:55,511 And when they kicked me out, I cried like a baby.
- 00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:56,445 You?
- 00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:58,282 And instead of admitting that they hurt me,
- 00:15:58,282 --> 00:16:00,419 I just vowed to hurt them worse.
- 00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:03,025 But if I'm being honest, maybe on some level,
- 00:16:03,025 --> 00:16:05,062 I always did want to change the world.
- 00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,668 Well, maybe we can still do both.
- 00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:09,070 Friends?
- 00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:11,241 Not looking like that, we aren't.
- 00:16:12,945 --> 00:16:14,047 What? That's it?
- 00:16:14,047 --> 00:16:15,750 You're just gonna pop my collar?
- 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:16,753 You can do the rest yourself.
- 00:16:16,753 --> 00:16:18,590 I don't like touching you.
- 00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:19,959 Hmm, what a shame.
- 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,194 There should be tons of human waste
- 00:16:21,194 --> 00:16:22,430 pouring out of this pipe.
- 00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,602 They're just not ready to modernize.
- 00:16:24,602 --> 00:16:25,436 But they never are.
- 00:16:25,436 --> 00:16:27,073 We always have to drag these people
- 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,044 kicking and screaming into the future.
- 00:16:29,044 --> 00:16:30,246 Should we be standing here?
- 00:16:30,246 --> 00:16:32,751 Oh, I thought I could, like, tempt fate.
- 00:16:32,751 --> 00:16:35,456 Oh, yeah, yeah, like when I finally change my water
- 00:16:35,456 --> 00:16:37,862 and then, bam, that's when it rains.
- 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:39,632 Exactly.
- 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,740 Ty, sometimes being a king means being a leader,
- 00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:47,046 and sometimes being a leader means overcoming your fears.
- 00:16:47,147 --> 00:16:49,819 And sometimes overcoming your fears--
- 00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:50,954 I see where you're going.
- 00:16:51,055 --> 00:16:52,223 It was a pretty good build, though.
- 00:16:52,223 --> 00:16:54,227 It had a great rhythm, no question about it.
- 00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:55,964 I have to poo in front of them, don't I?
- 00:16:55,964 --> 00:16:57,835 Your city needs you.
- 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,972 Poop for them.
- 00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:19,077 Hippo, a word.
- 00:17:19,077 --> 00:17:20,480 What's up, little brother?
- 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,450 You need to listen to me very carefully
- 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:25,056 because I need to say it very quietly.
- 00:17:25,056 --> 00:17:27,862 There is currently a snake biting my ass.
- 00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:29,532 Are you serious? Get up!
- 00:17:29,532 --> 00:17:31,268 No, no, if I do that,
- 00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:33,039 we'll lose everything we've worked for.
- 00:17:33,039 --> 00:17:34,642 I can't believe this happened.
- 00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:35,644 What are the odds?
- 00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:39,050 It may be the least likely event in poo history.
- 00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,788 Or maybe someone put one in there
- 00:17:40,888 --> 00:17:42,390 just to sabotage progress.
- 00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:45,396 Whatever the case, we can't let chaos win.
- 00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:47,500 Dude, I've never said or meant this before,
- 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,139 but I truly admire you right now.
- 00:17:50,139 --> 00:17:52,010 I can't believe how stoic you're being.
- 00:17:52,010 --> 00:17:53,245 I thank you for that,
- 00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:54,581 but I think most of what you're seeing
- 00:17:54,581 --> 00:17:56,920 is symptomatic of paralyzing venom.
- 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,790 OK, OK, don't panic.
- 00:17:58,790 --> 00:18:00,560 Um, show's over, citizens.
- 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:04,401 Everyone go home and commemorate this moment.
- 00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:06,706 I'll be back with pliers and a mongoose.
- 00:18:06,706 --> 00:18:08,409 Thank you.
- 00:18:27,179 --> 00:18:29,852 Meticulus, Nocturnus, Jinx,
- 00:18:29,852 --> 00:18:30,988 you three are out.
- 00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:32,792 I didn't even want to come.
- 00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:34,128 What a mess.
- 00:18:34,128 --> 00:18:35,931 Screw you, majors!
- 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,068 From now on, jinxes are bad.
- 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:40,372 This is how that happened.
- 00:18:40,372 --> 00:18:42,911 Yeah, all right, we're down to our final two contestants,
- 00:18:42,911 --> 00:18:44,348 Makenzus and Salt.
- 00:18:44,348 --> 00:18:46,418 We know how strong you are, how aloof you are,
- 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,288 and how bang-able you are,
- 00:18:48,288 --> 00:18:50,359 but what we don't yet know is who you're willing
- 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,363 to step on in order to get here.
- 00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:54,467 Makenzus, for your final challenge,
- 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,339 you have to be cruel to Athena.
- 00:18:57,339 --> 00:19:00,045 - What? - Insult her. Backstab her.
- 00:19:00,045 --> 00:19:01,883 Say something you can never take back.
- 00:19:01,883 --> 00:19:02,985 Go ahead.
- 00:19:02,985 --> 00:19:04,154 We'll only have to do this once,
- 00:19:04,154 --> 00:19:06,091 and then we can be besties on Olympus.
- 00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:08,161 Um, well, I, um--
- 00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:10,366 I just want to say that sometimes--
- 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,969 sometimes your shoes aren't always the best choice
- 00:19:11,969 --> 00:19:13,105 for your outfit.
- 00:19:13,105 --> 00:19:15,075 - You bitch! - Athena, I'm so sorry!
- 00:19:15,075 --> 00:19:16,779 Don't talk to me, whore!
- 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,854 Was that--yeah?
- 00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:22,390 Oh, yeah.
- 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:26,733 Now, Salt, you have to mercilessly cut down Deliria.
- 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,603 crowd: Ooh!
- 00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,339 Oh, come on, Salt. You're in the lead.
- 00:19:30,339 --> 00:19:31,910 All you have to do is eviscerate
- 00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:32,979 your new best friend.
- 00:19:32,979 --> 00:19:34,280 - Yeah! - Come on!
- 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,449 Destroy her!
- 00:19:35,449 --> 00:19:37,019 - Do it! - Get her out!
- 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:38,322 No!
- 00:19:38,322 --> 00:19:41,128 This woman is better than everybody here.
- 00:19:41,128 --> 00:19:42,330 You want to know why?
- 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:45,169 Because she cares, because she feels.
- 00:19:45,169 --> 00:19:47,541 Sure, you see the cold exterior,
- 00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,146 but deep inside, she's got more heart
- 00:19:50,146 --> 00:19:51,616 than you'll ever have.
- 00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:54,021 Just last night, she told me she cried
- 00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,256 when you kicked her out.
- 00:19:55,256 --> 00:19:57,561 She feels emotional pain.
- 00:19:57,561 --> 00:20:00,333 And she's not too scared to admit it.
- 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,437 Destroy her?
- 00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:06,311 I can't, because she's too good of a god.
- 00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:09,585 No, too good of a person.
- 00:20:10,854 --> 00:20:11,990 Oh, my God.
- 00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:14,661 Dude, you destroyed her!
- 00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:17,834 That is the cruelest thing he could have said!
- 00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:19,872 This is deicide!
- 00:20:19,872 --> 00:20:21,407 She is such a loser!
- 00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:24,314 crowd: Salt! Salt! Salt! Salt! Salt!
- 00:20:24,314 --> 00:20:26,886 Salt! Salt! Salt! Salt! Salt!
- 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,029 OK, so how does this game work?
- 00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:33,365 Your character is a wizard.
- 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,169 Right now, he's trapped by this dragon.
- 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:36,438 So I kill the dragon?
- 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,209 Well, let's find out if you do.
- 00:20:38,209 --> 00:20:39,578 What do you mean? Of course I do.
- 00:20:39,578 --> 00:20:41,181 No, you see, the Dungeon Master
- 00:20:41,181 --> 00:20:42,985 is like a god in this game.
- 00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:44,321 Thin ice, gentlemen!
- 00:20:45,657 --> 00:20:48,796 Hmm, you swing at the dragon and miss.
- 00:20:49,865 --> 00:20:50,466 Ow, ow, ow!
- 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,970 OK, you kill the dragon.
- 00:20:51,970 --> 00:20:53,172 Ooh, this game is fun.
- 00:20:54,474 --> 00:20:56,478 Got room for one more?
- 00:20:56,478 --> 00:20:57,548 Shouldn't you be on Olympus?
- 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:58,850 Yeah, they kicked me out.
- 00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,587 Ooh, that was fast. What were the charges?
- 00:21:00,587 --> 00:21:03,492 Well, apparently, I'm really bad at sex.
- 00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:05,362 It's all sex up there.
- 00:21:05,362 --> 00:21:06,833 But I thought you slept with Athena at the party.
- 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,337 Yeah, but I guess she has a rule.
- 00:21:09,337 --> 00:21:12,076 Like, you get one warm-up. Then you got to deliver.
- 00:21:12,076 --> 00:21:13,211 Huh, that's fair.
- 00:21:13,211 --> 00:21:15,149 Also, I didn't compliment her enough.
- 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,653 You know, she's really insecure.
- 00:21:16,653 --> 00:21:19,625 - Is she? - Yeah, I was surprised.
- 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,063 It was actually kind of a little bit sad.
- 00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,867 Was it? Tell me everything.
- 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:24,669 About the sex?
- 00:21:24,669 --> 00:21:25,804 God, no, about the insecurity.
- 00:21:25,804 --> 00:21:28,509 Unless the sex was sad. - It wasn't.
- 00:21:28,509 --> 00:21:30,647 Then no. About the insecurity.
- 00:21:30,647 --> 00:21:32,517 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
- 00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:35,990 <i>Bento.</i>
- 00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:14,180 О, Арес, великий бог войны, благодарим тебя за эту славную победу, и...
- 00:00:14,270 --> 00:00:15,930 Арес, ты здесь!
- 00:00:16,020 --> 00:00:18,150 Конечно! Вы храбро сражались.
- 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:19,520 Я хотел вас поздравить.
- 00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:21,730 Слава Аресу!
- 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:24,320 Да, да, я приму восхваление и любые жертвоприношения.
- 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,650 Положите их туда.
- 00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:30,200 Но сперва встаньте в круг и по очереди шлёпните меня.
- 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,620 Извини, что?
- 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:35,410 Встаньте в круг и по очереди хлопните меня по заду.
- 00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:38,330 Это такая церемония?
- 00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:41,290 Зовите это как хотите, но вы это сделаете.
- 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:44,250 Не отворачивайтесь. Я должен видеть ваше отвращение.
- 00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,300 Ладно.
- 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,220 Слава...
- 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:48,470 Просто приступай!
- 00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:50,180 Если спросят, я этого не делал.
- 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,010 Я делал что-то нормальное.
- 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,430 Арес!
- 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,520 Что ты вытворяешь?
- 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:57,980 Чего?
- 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:04,502 Арес, сын Зевса, бог войны, гражданского порядка и, этого я не знал, дядь.
- 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:08,971 Мы признаём тебя виновным в поведении, недостойном олимпийца.
- 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,620 Это чушь собачья! С каких пор мы должны стыдиться того, что нам нравится?
- 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:16,240 Не похоже, что почитателям это нравилось.
- 00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:17,910 И мне это нравится!
- 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,210 У вас всех свои причуды.
- 00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:20,870 У тебя был секс с братом.
- 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,290 Ты влюбилась в ребёнка и заперла его в ящике.
- 00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:27,420 Ты превратил женщину в эту флейту.
- 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,944 Убейте меня.
- 00:01:30,430 --> 00:01:33,010 Всё равно ты вёл себя странно.
- 00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,350 Говорит любитель кальмаров.
- 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,560 ДарлИн осьминог!
- 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:37,720 Хватит.
- 00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:44,900 Ты будешь лишён всех титулов, изгнан с горы Олимп и разжалован в низшие боги.
- 00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:46,070 Уберите его отсюда.
- 00:01:46,150 --> 00:01:47,280 Мы лишаем титулов?
- 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,400 Я возьму жажду битвы.
- 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:49,990 Я храбрость, если никто не хочет.
- 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,360 О, тебе это подойдёт.
- 00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,360 Можно мне войну?
- 00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:53,700 Я тоже война!
- 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,780 Дружище!
- 00:01:54,870 --> 00:01:58,910 Что самое худшее, я этим наслаждаюсь.
- 00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:25,520 - Вы слышали?.. - Слышали.
- 00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:27,320 Это на всех вазах в городе.
- 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,480 Стервец наконец попался на шлёпании.
- 00:02:29,570 --> 00:02:31,450 - Ты знал? - Это был не секрет.
- 00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:33,570 У всех солдат есть история об Аресе.
- 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,740 Думаешь, откуда взялось выражение "шлёпнуть зад победы?"
- 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,950 Так вот откуда.
- 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,933 Я думал, это один из твоих бредовых боевых кличей, вроде того "отшлёпаем старика".
- 00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,670 А, теперь я понял. Теперь дошло.
- 00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:47,000 Мам, на Олимпе освободилось место.
- 00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:48,170 Попробуешь вернуться?
- 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:51,340 Зачем? Потому что меня выгнали? Мне всё равно.
- 00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:52,970 Может быть, это я выгнала их.
- 00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,930 Вы даже не спрашивали меня, кто выгнал кого.
- 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,350 Шлаб, меняй тему.
- 00:02:57,390 --> 00:02:58,970 Ладно. Я голоден.
- 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,100 Где наша еда?
- 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,770 И вопрос вдогонку: наша еда опять убила прислугу?
- 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,190 И еще вопрос: можно я их съем?
- 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,520 Нет, они не мертвы. Просто люди покидают город.
- 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:10,230 Вчера три семьи вернулись в дикую природу.
- 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,570 В дикую природу? Зачем им это?
- 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,150 Говорят, из-за какашек.
- 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,070 Их повсюду целые горы.
- 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,330 Логично же, это лучший способ пометить территорию.
- 00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:24,410 Да, кстати, я заметил, что твоя территория дошла до коридора у моей лаборатории.
- 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:27,330 Если хочешь его вернуть, ты знаешь как.
- 00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:30,000 Я не понимаю, почему люди просто не уберут за собой.
- 00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,460 А ты убираешь за собой?
- 00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:35,550 Да, я какаю в коробку, а Кайл ее убирает, чтобы мне не пришлось.
- 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:36,550 Спасибо, Кайл.
- 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,180 - Могу сделать так, чтобы люди не какали. - Мама, нет.
- 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,640 Они от этого взрываются, забыла?
- 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,350 Не проси идей, чтобы потом искать в них дыры.
- 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,190 За свои дыры ты ничего не получишь.
- 00:03:45,230 --> 00:03:46,440 Скажи это Аресу.
- 00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:52,110 Суперкрутое...
- 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,280 Суперкрутое появление.
- 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,410 О господи.
- 00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,780 О, здорово.
- 00:03:58,870 --> 00:04:00,970 Я не был уверен, помнишь ли ты меня.
- 00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:02,950 Ты меня не помнишь.
- 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,500 Я Соль, твой кузен.
- 00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:08,460 Мы общались пару тысяч лет назад на свадьбе орфЕя и эвридИки.
- 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,670 - Это я... - Пах водорослями.
- 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:12,590 Боюсь, я всё-таки помню тебя.
- 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:13,630 Соль?
- 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,800 Бог, делающий морскую воду тошнотной.
- 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,220 Угу. Я играю важную роль в океанском биоме.
- 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,180 Из-за тебя у моряков диарея.
- 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:22,510 Это моя главная сила, да.
- 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,310 В общем, я поднимаюсь на Олимп.
- 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:28,190 Они проводят конкурс на нового олимпийца.
- 00:04:28,230 --> 00:04:31,770 Ты не поможешь мне победить? Может, дашь пару советов?
- 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:34,440 Я посоветую не позориться.
- 00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:37,400 Этот клуб для крутых ребят. Понимаешь, о чём я?
- 00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:39,240 Конечно нет. Вопрос снимается.
- 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:44,080 Я знаю, что это значит. Но разве Олимп не должен быть более инклюзивным?
- 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,910 Я могу многое предложить.
- 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,070 Никто не согласен.
- 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,160 Ну посмотрим.
- 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:51,540 И суперкрутой отход! Ой!
- 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:54,340 Этот чел хочет занять место Ареса?
- 00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,340 Кто ему молится, водоросли?
- 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,630 И криль. Милые создания, жемчужины океана.
- 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,720 Не такие милые, если ты женщина-криль.
- 00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:04,430 Их общество построено на сексизме.
- 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,520 Опять ты о гендерах. Вы, дети, всё портите.
- 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,560 Ты был рад, когда Ареса отменили.
- 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,230 Это была показная добродетель.
- 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,660 Приветствую, боги, высшие и низшие.
- 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,580 Низшие сосут.
- 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:20,870 Так, так, будем вести себя по-божески.
- 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,920 На самом деле я не кашляю.
- 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,040 Мы начинаем процесс выбора нового олимпийца.
- 00:05:26,050 --> 00:05:30,130 И я хочу, чтобы все знали, что это настоящий конкурс.
- 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:35,090 Мы не устроили всё это, только чтобы поржать над нижними богами.
- 00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:37,640 Встречаем претендентов.
- 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:43,560 Я Дотошний, бог раскладывания мелочей в правильном порядке или группами.
- 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:45,610 Группами или в порядке?
- 00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:47,360 В порядке или группами.
- 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,780 - Ой. - Ладно, дальше.
- 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:52,490 Я Ночник, бог ночных поллюций.
- 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,660 Как ты стал богом этого?
- 00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,370 Это просто случилось.
- 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,290 Я Сглаз.
- 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:04,750 Бог того, что бывает, когда двое людей говорят одно и то же одновременно.
- 00:06:04,790 --> 00:06:07,380 Я весёлый. Люди меня любят.
- 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,880 Богиня кубков и емкостей.
- 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,880 Богиня апельсиновой кожуры.
- 00:06:12,970 --> 00:06:16,970 Бог того, когда ты думаешь что чихнёшь, но всё-таки не чихаешь.
- 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,810 И по совместительству бог таких же оргазмов.
- 00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,430 Ты, что у тебя за пустячок?
- 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,650 Привет. Я Соль, бог соли.
- 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:30,820 Я здесь, потому что верю, что олимпийцы могут быть лучше.
- 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:38,120 Да, мы можем подать пример всем богам, став маяками света, мудрости и гармонии.
- 00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:45,040 Делирия, рада, что ты пришла на этот конкурс по замене бога. Свой ты пропустила.
- 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,540 Ты ведь не хочешь вернуться назад?
- 00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:51,630 Нет, я не хочу назад, потому что у меня есть уважение к себе и мозг.
- 00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:54,352 Мне нравится, как ты выставляешь себя героиней.
- 00:06:54,435 --> 00:06:58,050 Всё равно это неважно, мы уже знаем, кого выберем.
- 00:06:58,140 --> 00:06:59,300 Всем привет.
- 00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:00,640 Я МакЕнза.
- 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:08,270 Богиня головных уборов и аксессуаров. Я люблю украшения, плавания и езду верхом с Афиной, моей лучшей подругой.
- 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,720 Привет, Фини!
- 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,240 - Гиппо, как успехи с?.. - Не сейчас.
- 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,360 Я почти закончил.
- 00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:20,450 Я назвал это СМИ.
- 00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:22,620 Это революция в журнализме.
- 00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:24,200 Нужна революция с какашками!
- 00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:31,250 Парень, за которым убирают какашки, приказывает мне убрать какашки за всеми остальными.
- 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:35,920 Я царь. Если это не избавляет уборки какашек, зачем вообще покупать корону и зваться царём?
- 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:39,390 А я супергений. Эта проблема меня недостойна.
- 00:07:39,430 --> 00:07:41,970 Она не достойна никого. И это нужно исправить.
- 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,350 Как же ты достал! Сглаз!
- 00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:45,600 Приветик.
- 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:46,850 Сглаз, ты нас подловил.
- 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,600 Почему я это обожаю?
- 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,230 Спасибо. Это просто весело.
- 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,940 Это правда. Даже в разгар спора.
- 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:55,150 Напоминает не воспринимать всё так серьёзно.
- 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,700 Спасибо. Да, к этому я и стремлюсь.
- 00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:59,240 Тебе удаётся.
- 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,290 Это всегда радует.
- 00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:05,800 Короче, можешь заняться какашками?
- 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,170 Да, займусь.
- 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:12,260 У тебя выпал пегас, так что ты мёртв.
- 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:15,100 - Соль, я тебе помогу. - Ты мне поможешь?
- 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:18,020 Из-за моей речи о переменах к лучшему?
- 00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:22,230 Ты произносил речь? Нет, потому что они не должны получать всё, что хотят.
- 00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:25,310 Правильно. Пусть возьмут одного из хороших ребят.
- 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,820 Вывод неверный, но мы на одной стороне.
- 00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:31,990 Не терпится увидеть лицо Афины, когда один из вас, неудачников, поселится по-соседству.
- 00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:33,610 За перемены.
- 00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:39,410 А теперь выпрямись. Плечи назад, выпяти подбородок и брось своих друзей.
- 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,910 Я забираю Соль.
- 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,120 Вы его больше не увидите. Низшие сосут.
- 00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:50,130 Причёска, тога и доспехи.
- 00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,550 Вот, ты уже похож на олимпийца.
- 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,640 А теперь пройдись. Походка важна.
- 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:55,970 Подбородок.
- 00:08:56,060 --> 00:08:57,260 Извини.
- 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:58,180 Что-что?
- 00:08:58,270 --> 00:08:59,930 Не извини.
- 00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:01,350 Будь смелее!
- 00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:02,980 И смотри куда прёшь, смертный!
- 00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,100 И кто ты?
- 00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:06,020 - Я Соль. - СОлус.
- 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,650 Я Солус, бог океанских битв.
- 00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:13,530 - Да. - Рождённый в солёных глубинах темнейшего моря.
- 00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:17,780 Моряки страшатся меня, ибо я дарю жизнь и приношу смерть.
- 00:09:17,870 --> 00:09:20,040 Прости меня, о великий Соль.
- 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,750 Преврати его во что-нибудь.
- 00:09:21,790 --> 00:09:24,000 - А? - Долбани его, вот так.
- 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,750 ФлАвий? Флавий?
- 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,000 Я здесь, внизу. Это наша новая реальность.
- 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,920 Это злобно и бессмысленно.
- 00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:32,210 Не спорю.
- 00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:37,510 Боги, которых ты хочешь впечатлить, злобные и бессмысленные. Добряков они не уважают.
- 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,930 Но я добрый. Я хочу быть добрым богом Олимпа.
- 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,020 Было бы хорошо.
- 00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,810 Когда тебя примут, будь добрым сколько угодно.
- 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,390 А сейчас разрушь его жизнь.
- 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,400 Так это тренировка или что?
- 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,770 Продолжай. Оттянись по полной.
- 00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:54,450 Пусть это будут ролевые игры, если так будет проще.
- 00:09:54,530 --> 00:09:55,700 Мне будет проще.
- 00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:59,410 Теперь это просто жираф. Верни немного от змеи.
- 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:00,280 Идеально.
- 00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:01,160 Да что вы?
- 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,200 Флавий, я так не могу.
- 00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:05,860 Я не могу быть с тобой, если ты выглядишь так.
- 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:09,000 Она ушла от меня.
- 00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:13,760 Ей нравилось лишь мое тело. Приятно это осознавать.
- 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,260 Я сам удивился, но мне в итоге понравилось это задание.
- 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,300 - Правда? - Это передовая наука.
- 00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:21,180 Давай я тебе покажу.
- 00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:24,100 Это мои ранние попытки, вариации на одну тему.
- 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,940 Идея была в том, чтобы атаковать проблему внутри тела.
- 00:10:28,020 --> 00:10:30,020 Это стандартный отсос.
- 00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,940 Этот вставляется через рот.
- 00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:33,570 Этот был интересным.
- 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,570 Я спросил себя: можно ли превратить какашки в золото?
- 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:37,780 Ответом было "нет".
- 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:41,160 Я какала золотом, когда съела золото.
- 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,200 Затем я начал работать над перемещением самого какающего.
- 00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:47,500 Сейчас увидишь, в чём проблема.
- 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,750 Сейчас! Сейчас!
- 00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:51,750 Давай, давай! Сейчас!
- 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:52,910 Извини, босс.
- 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,670 Я не успел вовремя.
- 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,800 Ты старался, солдат.
- 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,180 Затем я сосредоточился на дырах.
- 00:10:58,260 --> 00:11:01,550 У какашек с дырами давние взаимоотношения.
- 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,810 Я был близок, но испытуемые проваливались внутрь.
- 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,810 С этой связано множество проблем.
- 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,140 Эта требовала доработки.
- 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:11,150 Это пользовательская ошибка.
- 00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:12,900 Но затем меня озарило.
- 00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:14,780 Это какательный стул.
- 00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:18,900 Такой же как твой личный, но в этом есть труба, уходящая в океан.
- 00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:22,780 Гениально. Вода становится Кайлом для всех.
- 00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:24,120 Хочешь опробовать?
- 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,660 Боюсь, это невозможно. Я стесняюсь.
- 00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:28,160 Но ты какаешь при Кайле.
- 00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:30,920 Да, его я перестал считать за человека.
- 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,460 Но если я что и умею, так это убеждать.
- 00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:38,800 Ты доделай эту штуку, а я на дерьмо изойдусь, чтобы дерьмо пошло в нее.
- 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,010 Мне обязательно идти на вечеринку?
- 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,340 Вечеринка - это самое важное.
- 00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:48,742 Ты должен им нравиться, и они должны тебе завидовать, но совсем немного, чтобы им хотелось, чтобы ты был рядом.
- 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:50,350 Я не умею этого делать.
- 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,400 Просто запомни фразы, которым я учила.
- 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,020 Поверхностные люди на них падки.
- 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,860 Они поддерживают разговор.
- 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,240 Да, я их помню.
- 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,240 "Этот парень шарит", "он мне по душе" и "когда уже поженимся".
- 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:06,910 О, посмотрите на моего прекрасного мерзавца. Ты веришь, что сможешь сделать Олимп лучше?
- 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,080 - Да. - У тебя может получиться.
- 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,500 А теперь иди и порази их, но не слишком сильно.
- 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,800 Так, так, так. Смотрите, кто решил прийти.
- 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,050 Этот парень шарит.
- 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,010 Что?
- 00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:23,140 Он мне по душе.
- 00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:25,100 Он умный.
- 00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:26,680 Но не угрожающий.
- 00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,890 Я принесу тебе выпить.
- 00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,600 Когда уже поженимся?
- 00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:31,810 О, да.
- 00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,520 Этот парень шарит!
- 00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:36,650 Видите? Видите?
- 00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,150 Этот парень шарит.
- 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:46,160 Афродита, я Соль, бог морских битв, моряков, пропитания и осчастливливания женщин.
- 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,790 А я богиня любви и иногда брака.
- 00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:51,210 Ну, когда уже поженимся?
- 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,040 О, чудесно.
- 00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:57,590 Он нам нравится.
- 00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:58,750 Можно его оставить?
- 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,760 - Где Соль? - Где Соль?
- 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,510 Я видела его с Афиной.
- 00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:11,390 А затем вы тянете за цепь, вода смывает какашки, и больше вы их не увидите.
- 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,640 Есть вопросы?
- 00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:14,520 Да, есть вопрос.
- 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:15,650 Что насчёт змей?
- 00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:17,060 В смысле, каких змей?
- 00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:22,190 Ну, как вы помешаете змеям проползти по этой штуке и укусить меня за зад?
- 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,900 Зачем змее это делать?
- 00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:26,620 Зачем строить тоннель от реки до моей задницы?
- 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,740 Думаете, змеи ползают и ищут задницы, чтобы покусать?
- 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,200 Они не ищут задницы.
- 00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:32,660 Они ищут выход из коробки.
- 00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:35,620 И если на пути окажется задница, они ее укусят.
- 00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:39,380 С чего вы взяли, что в коробке змея?
- 00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:41,590 Потому что вы привели их туда!
- 00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:45,760 Звучит так, будто вы выдумываете поводы, чтобы избежать прогресса.
- 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,050 Сами им воспользуйтесь.
- 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:50,310 Я не стану. Это будет не по-царски. Я должен уважать титул.
- 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:51,930 Ну же! Какайте!
- 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:53,850 Ну же! Ну же! Ну же! Ну же!
- 00:13:53,890 --> 00:13:55,480 Нет, ни в коем случае.
- 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,190 Если вы это увидите, то перестанете меня уважать.
- 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,940 По крайней мере это прояснит вопрос со змеями.
- 00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:04,360 Вы сами себе придумали про змей.
- 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:08,490 Вы придумали, иначе и не скажешь, шоссе для змей.
- 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:09,490 Что такое шоссе?
- 00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:10,620 Для змей?
- 00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:12,160 Это!
- 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,250 Нет, она классная.
- 00:14:14,290 --> 00:14:16,920 Ладно, увидимся на конкурсе.
- 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,920 Эта девчонка шарит.
- 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,670 Боже мой, ты обыграл выражение.
- 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:26,010 Ты переспал с ней?
- 00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:29,140 Соль увидел возможность и воспользовался ей.
- 00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,760 Со мной можно не прикидываться.
- 00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:32,810 Не надо мне тут, Делирия.
- 00:14:32,890 --> 00:14:33,890 Это еще как понимать?
- 00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:39,860 Мне всё про тебя рассказали. Как ты обиделась из-за какой-то глупости и выставила их виноватыми.
- 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,610 Знаешь, как тебя прозвала Афина?
- 00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:45,070 Она зовёт тебя Истерия.
- 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,280 Никогда меня так не зови.
- 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,490 Мы пытались изменить Олимп.
- 00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:54,830 Правда? Или ты пыталась позлить Афину, Истерия?
- 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:02,040 Не сейчас.
- 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,220 Я согласен, но при чём здесь гендеры?
- 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:11,300 Ну, показная лучше, чем никакой.
- 00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:17,890 Э, суперкрутое появление?
- 00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:19,480 Мне не нужно твое извинение.
- 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,770 А я ведь начала в тебя верить.
- 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,020 Не может быть.
- 00:15:23,070 --> 00:15:25,230 Нет, правда начала.
- 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:31,450 Сперва я хотела только задеть Афину, но затем появился наивный парнишка, который хотел творить добро.
- 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,950 Что сказать? Я к тебе привязалась.
- 00:15:33,990 --> 00:15:36,160 Извини, что назвал тебя Истерией.
- 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:41,920 Когда я оказался, в компании олимпийцев, меня увлекли их блеск и гламур.
- 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,380 Не могу тебя винить. Со мной было так же, когда я им нравилась.
- 00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:47,050 Правда?
- 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:50,680 Я чувствовала себя важной. Были ли мы жестокими и безвкусными?
- 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,510 Да, но мы были крутыми ребятами.
- 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,140 И когда меня выгнали, я плакала, как ребёнок.
- 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,310 Ты?
- 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:00,310 И вместо того чтобы признать, что мне больно, я поклялась сделать им еще больнее.
- 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:04,900 Но если честно, в какой-то степени я всегда хотела изменить мир.
- 00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,530 Мы еще можем сделать то и то.
- 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:08,940 Друзья?
- 00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:11,150 Не пока ты так выглядишь.
- 00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:15,620 Что? И всё? Ты просто подняла мне воротник?
- 00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:18,450 Остальное сам. Мне неприятно тебя касаться.
- 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,130 Какая жалость.
- 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:22,760 Из этой трубы должны литься тонны нечистот.
- 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,550 Они не готовы к новшествам.
- 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:25,590 Как и всегда.
- 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,220 Нам вечно приходится с визгом и криками тащить их в будущее.
- 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:30,470 Стоит ли тут стоять?
- 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,890 О, почему бы не искусить судьбу.
- 00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:37,980 Да, да, как когда я наконец меняю воду - и тут, бам, идёт дождь.
- 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,480 Именно.
- 00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,457 Ти, иногда быть царём - значит быть лидером.
- 00:16:44,450 --> 00:16:47,314 А быть лидером - значит преодолевать страхи.
- 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,950 И иногда преодолевать страхи...
- 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,200 Я понял, о чём ты.
- 00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:52,500 Это был хороший заход.
- 00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:54,370 С отличным ритмом, несомненно.
- 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:56,080 Я должен покакать при них, да?
- 00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:57,960 Ты нужен городу.
- 00:16:58,090 --> 00:17:00,090 Покакай для них.
- 00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:19,190 Гиппо, на пару слов.
- 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,610 Что такое, братишка?
- 00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:25,150 Слушай очень внимательно, потому что я скажу это очень тихо.
- 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,070 Прямо сейчас змея кусает мой зад.
- 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,620 Ты серьёзно? Вставай!
- 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:33,120 Нет, нет, тогда мы потеряем всё, над чем работали.
- 00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:35,750 Поверить не могу. Каковы шансы?
- 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,130 Это наименее вероятное событие в истории какания.
- 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:42,460 А может, кто-то засунул ее туда, чтобы затормозить прогресс.
- 00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:45,470 В любом случае, не дадим хаосу победить.
- 00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:50,220 Чувак, я никогда этого не говорил, но сейчас я искренне тобой восхищаюсь.
- 00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,100 Меня поражает твоя стойкость.
- 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:57,020 Благодарю, но думаю, в первую очередь это симптомы парализующего яда.
- 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,850 Ладно, не паникуй.
- 00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:00,730 Зрелище окончено, граждане.
- 00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:04,480 Все идите домой и отпразднуйте этот момент.
- 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:06,740 Я вернусь с клещами и мангустом.
- 00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,490 Спасибо.
- 00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:31,010 Дотошний, Ночник, Сглаз, вы выбываете.
- 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:32,800 Я даже не хотел приходить.
- 00:18:32,890 --> 00:18:34,180 Что за бардак.
- 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:35,970 Пошли вы, высшие!
- 00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:38,100 С этого дня сглаз это плохо.
- 00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:40,400 Вот как это случилось.
- 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:44,360 Ладно, остаются двое последних претендентов, Макенза и Соль.
- 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,649 Мы знаем, какие вы сильные, какие беззаботные и какие горячие.
- 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,285 Но пока не знаем, через кого вы готовы переступить, чтобы попасть сюда.
- 00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:57,370 Макенза, вот твое последнее испытание. Поступи жестоко с Афиной.
- 00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:00,080 - Что? - Оскорби ее. Ударь в спину.
- 00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,960 Скажи что-нибудь непоправимое.
- 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:06,170 Вперёд. Это нужно сделать всего раз, а потом будем лучшими подругами на Олимпе.
- 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:08,170 Ну, я...
- 00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:10,470 Я хочу сказать, что иногда...
- 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,090 Иногда ты не очень удачно подбираешь обувь.
- 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,060 - Ах ты сука! - Афина, прости меня!
- 00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:16,770 Не говори со мной, шлюха!
- 00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:20,810 Я прошла?
- 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:22,440 О да.
- 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,690 Соль, ты должен беспощадно обойтись с Делирией.
- 00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:30,360 Давай, Соль. Ты лидируешь.
- 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,950 Ты должен лишь выпотрошить свою лучшую подругу.
- 00:19:33,030 --> 00:19:34,240 - Да - Давай!
- 00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:35,450 Уничтожь ее!
- 00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:36,990 - Давай! - Сделай это!
- 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,290 Нет!
- 00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:42,290 Эта женщина лучше всех вас. Хотите знать почему?
- 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:45,130 Ей не всё равно, у нее есть чувства.
- 00:19:45,210 --> 00:19:51,760 Конечно, снаружи она холодна, но зато сердце у нее больше, чем может быть у любого из вас.
- 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,260 Только вчера она сказала, что плакала, когда вы выгнали ее.
- 00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,510 Она чувствует эмоциональную боль.
- 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,270 И не боится это признать.
- 00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:02,350 Уничтожить ее?
- 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,270 Я не могу, она слишком хороший бог.
- 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:09,530 Нет, слишком хорошая личность.
- 00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:11,900 Боже мой.
- 00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:14,610 Чувак, ты уничтожил ее!
- 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:17,780 Это самое жестокое, что он мог сказать!
- 00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:19,870 Это богоубийство!
- 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,330 Она такая неудачница!
- 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,420 Соль! Соль! Соль! Соль! Соль!
- 00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:26,790 Соль! Соль! Соль! Соль! Соль!
- 00:20:30,057 --> 00:20:32,220 Так как в это играть?
- 00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:35,350 Твой персонаж - волшебник. Сейчас он попался дракону.
- 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,730 Я убиваю дракона?
- 00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:38,440 Давай выясним, да или нет.
- 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,770 В смысле? Конечно да.
- 00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:43,190 Нет, мастер подземелий в этой игре подобен богу.
- 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,530 Ты на тонком льду!
- 00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:48,990 Ты промахиваешься мимо дракона.
- 00:20:50,030 --> 00:20:52,160 Ай, ай, ай! Ладно, ты убила дракона.
- 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,440 Весёлая игра.
- 00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,660 Есть место для еще одного?
- 00:20:56,710 --> 00:20:57,870 Почему ты не на Олимпе?
- 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,130 Они меня выгнали.
- 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,750 Быстро. По какому обвинению?
- 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,670 Я оказался очень плох в сексе.
- 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,550 Там сплошной секс.
- 00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:07,010 Но ты же переспал с Афиной.
- 00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:09,550 Да, но у нее есть правило.
- 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,260 Один разогрев, а потом нужно выложиться.
- 00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,390 Справедливо.
- 00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:16,810 И я сделал ей мало комплиментов. Она очень закомплексованная.
- 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,770 - Да ладно? - Да, я был удивлён.
- 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:22,360 Было даже немного печально.
- 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,820 Да что ты? Рассказывай.
- 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:24,820 О сексе?
- 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:25,990 Боже, нет, о комплексах.
- 00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:28,650 - Если секс не был печальным. - Не был.
- 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:30,780 Тогда нет. О комплексах.
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