Покупайте дешево, продавайте дорого
Описание
Пока Тираннис работает над улучшением Крапополиса, он встречает афинянина по имени Григорий, который изобрел отпуск и деньги. Гиппокамп изобретает первую монету Крапополиса, чтобы жители не использовали кур и коз для получения желаемого. Это настолько впечатляет мирных жителей, что они соглашаются с идеей использования монет. Когда куры начинают стоить дороже, Тираннис и Гиппокамп отправляются в Афины, чтобы попросить совета у Григория, но с удивлением обнаруживают, что произошло с Афинами, где деньги заставили их жителей вести себя как дикари. Теперь Тираннису, Гиппокампу и Григорию нужно найти способ исправить оба города, прежде чем ситуация ухудшится. Тем временем бармен сообщает Шлубу о счете, предлагая ему работу: рассказывать свои истории в обмен на бесплатные напитки. В то же время Ступендоус помогает Делирии убирать останки принесенных в жертву животных и принимает монеты и другие сокровища в качестве дани, пока не узнает, что Шлуб делает со своими поклонниками в баре.
Субтитры
- 00:00:01,530 --> 00:00:05,530 Я собрал вас обсудить будущее города. Полагаю, оно будет светлым.
- 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,200 - Исходя из чего? - Точно не из вашего настроя, ребята.
- 00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:10,540 Вы воротилы Крапополиса, которые устроят ему встряску.
- 00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:14,310 Я ворочаю только навозом, который выношу из конюшен.
- 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,810 А меня самого трясёт от опасного недоедания.
- 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,550 И всё же лучше вас никого нет.
- 00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:21,550 Поверьте, я об этом жалею сильнее всех.
- 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,820 Разве вы не хотите оставить наследие? Внести свой вклад?
- 00:00:28,290 --> 00:00:31,730 Согласитесь, в последнее время город вышел на плато.
- 00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:34,160 Что в этом плохого? Плато это стабильность.
- 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,700 Может, вы не заметили, но мы живём в опасное время. Он только что умер.
- 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,840 Так наделим его жизнь смыслом, сделав это собрание значимым.
- 00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:43,270 Цивилизации нужен пинок под зад.
- 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,510 Кто протянет ногу помощи?
- 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:47,210 Ясно, ты тоже мёртв.
- 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,680 Но разве это не наполняет оставшихся чувством срочности?
- 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,750 Мы вышли из леса десять лет назад. По-моему мы молодцы.
- 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,320 Как можно довольствоваться этой посредственностью?
- 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,620 Мы можем лучше. И мы сделаем лучше.
- 00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:01,916 Похоже, вы со всем разобрались. Прервёмся на полдня?
- 00:01:01,916 --> 00:01:04,660 Хоть на весь. Вы все уволены.
- 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:07,560 И вы тоже шли бы.
- 00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:34,920 Доброе утро, семья.
- 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:37,360 Сейчас ночь, и тебя не было несколько дней.
- 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:41,230 Странно. Последнее, что я помню, это как я напивался в баре.
- 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,330 Очнулся я уже дома.
- 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,750 Я нашла тебя под кучей очень вымотанно выглядящих лошадей.
- 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:53,380 Не припоминаю, но раз я дотянул до ужина трезвым, то вознагражу себя за самоконтроль большим количеством выпивки.
- 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,580 Если понадоблюсь, вы знаете, где меня найти и откуда притащить домой.
- 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,450 - Куда ваш отец? - Напиваться.
- 00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:01,650 Весело, весело. Надеюсь, вы оставили место.
- 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,350 Мы не едим рога и копыта. Ну, не нарочно.
- 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:08,690 Но кто-то должен. Мой храм ими забит, и мне они не нужны.
- 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,730 Просто проси у людей то, что тебе нужно.
- 00:02:10,790 --> 00:02:16,100 Богам не нужно ничего. Я была ненадолго заинтригована возможностью какать,
- 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:19,230 но моя задница слишком для этого хороша.
- 00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:22,770 Достаточно, что люди отдают вещи, которые им нужны.
- 00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:24,740 Они страдают, значит им не всё равно.
- 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,340 А ты не должна отвечать на их молитвы?
- 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,380 Обычно, когда у меня доходят руки, они уже мертвы.
- 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,380 Не моя вина, что вы такие хрупкие создания.
- 00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:37,290 Можно прийти в твой храм и взять вещи, на которые тебе явно плевать?
- 00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:39,190 Нет, но можешь помочь прибраться.
- 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:44,830 И если хорошо справишься, может быть, я позволю тебе оторвать голову животного для второго плеча.
- 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:46,730 Класс!
- 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,570 Какать задницей, как заурядно.
- 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,770 Я хотел, чтобы город был необычайный.
- 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,040 Ну извините, что пытаюсь улучшить ваши жизни.
- 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,810 Труд всей моей жизни!
- 00:03:00,910 --> 00:03:02,328 Тебя что-то беспокоит?
- 00:03:02,328 --> 00:03:05,850 Уже нет. Я понял, что продолжать беспокоиться будет безумием.
- 00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:08,280 Всё равно ничего не изменится.
- 00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:11,390 - Присоединишься? - Не, я наслаждаюсь отпуском.
- 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:16,160 От-пуск? Звучит глупо. Откуда ты, из какого-то глупого места?
- 00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:17,330 - Из Афин. - Афины?
- 00:03:17,390 --> 00:03:19,290 Серьёзно? Те самые?
- 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,730 - Ты слышал о них? - Слышал ли я о величайшем городе? Э, да.
- 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,770 Мы начали использовать монеты, и наша цивилизация тут же взлетела.
- 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,770 Я вдруг разбогател, и у меня появилось свободное время.
- 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,840 Гениальное нововведение. Только в Афинах.
- 00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:35,680 Крапополис ни к чему такому не готов.
- 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:41,350 Этот город восстал, когда я предложил барьер между питьевой водой и лужей с какашками.
- 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:42,380 Как это работает?
- 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,750 Мы покупаем и продаём за них товары и услуги.
- 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:47,860 Я ношу сумму, равноценную пятидесяти курицам,
- 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,760 и ничто не пытается постоянно склевать мои яйца.
- 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,260 Это называется деньги. Возьму одну.
- 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,000 Я ГрегОриос из Афин.
- 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:58,200 Тиран из Крап... Ну, неважно откуда.
- 00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,500 Просто Тиран.
- 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:09,880 В общем, они основаны на стандарте с супер взаимозаменяемыми токенами, или монетами, которые обозначают собой условленную сумму.
- 00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:11,880 Что ты дал за нее афинцу?
- 00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:16,120 Почти ничего. пару коров, коз, куриц и большую часть нашего оружия.
- 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:18,290 Но я уверен, что остался в выигрыше.
- 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:19,920 Подумай насколько это эффективнее.
- 00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:23,860 И мы живём почти в начале времён, у большинства людей одинаково вещей,
- 00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:26,430 так что они начинают в совершенно равных условиях.
- 00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:29,130 Одна проблемка. На кой нам афинские деньги?
- 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,500 Мы не живём в Афинах.
- 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,570 Знаю. Увы.
- 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,870 С другой стороны, да и пошли они!
- 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,910 Что если мы сделаем свои деньги?
- 00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:41,540 Что достойно Афин, то достойно того, чтобы мы украли это у Афин.
- 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,940 Это дало Афинам толчок.
- 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:47,020 И я не хочу, чтобы наш город развивался, обмениваясь частями животных.
- 00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:47,820 Ладно, я за.
- 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,350 Что будет на наших монетах?
- 00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:53,390 У афинцев Афина, что слишком незатейливо на мой вкус.
- 00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:56,890 Это должен быть кто-то важный, кого уважает весь город.
- 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,760 Кто-то вызывающий доверие и энтузиазм.
- 00:04:59,790 --> 00:05:01,630 - Царь! - Торговец травой!
- 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,900 Мы все любим Дилана, но я всё равно остановлюсь на своей идее.
- 00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:08,100 Люблю быть пьяным.
- 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,440 Поэтому и занялся сидением в баре и распитием алкоголя.
- 00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:15,710 Выпьем еще по одной в честь выбранной нами жизни.
- 00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,510 Сколько это уже за сегодня?
- 00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,810 Навскидку скажу шесть бочек.
- 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,350 Но если в глазах не двоится, то двенадцать.
- 00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,490 Эта тринадцатая!
- 00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:26,790 Ты многовато выпил, не заплатив.
- 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,560 Теперь ты следишь за тем, сколько я пью?
- 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,890 Я думал, ты бармен, а не моя мама.
- 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,100 Все остальные платят.
- 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,630 Курицами. Я даю кое-что более ценное - атмосферу.
- 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,870 Думаешь, все эти люди пили бы здесь, если бы не я?
- 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:44,370 Люди любят меня, я люблю людей. Мы все любим выпить. Комментарии излишни.
- 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,866 Алкоголь и так вызывает зависимость.
- 00:05:45,950 --> 00:05:48,610 Я не позволю тебе плохо говорить про алкоголь.
- 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,450 Извинись перед выпивкой.
- 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,310 Давай. Поцелуй ее. С языком.
- 00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:54,680 - Нет. - Долей мне.
- 00:05:54,780 --> 00:06:00,190 А пока ты это делаешь, я расскажу всем историю о моей очень чувственной встрече с грифоном.
- 00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:01,720 И ее близняшкой.
- 00:06:03,590 --> 00:06:06,260 Это официальная монета Крапополиса.
- 00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:07,630 Почему на ней ваше лицо?
- 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,630 Я самый важный человек в городе.
- 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,630 - А не торговец травой? - И я то же сказал!
- 00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:12,730 Неважно кто на ней.
- 00:06:12,770 --> 00:06:14,800 Важно что она олицетворяет.
- 00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:18,190 Неужели вы не хотите возможности создать мир мечты?
- 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:22,910 Вы можете хранить деньги. Увеличивать богатство, вместо того чтобы съедать весь заработок.
- 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:26,410 - Как это устроено? - Рад, что вы спросили, а не сразу восстали.
- 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,480 Всё не будет стоить некое число куриц или коз.
- 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,620 Все договорятся о сумме в монетах, честной для обеих сторон,
- 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:38,660 и эту сумму монет можно будет обменять на равноценные товары и услуги.
- 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,000 А что будет с парнем, который делал мелочь?
- 00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:43,530 Не сказать, что я женат на этой карьере.
- 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,670 - На карьере можно жениться? - Что такое карьера?
- 00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:47,800 Знаю, вы настроены недоверчиво, но...
- 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,200 - Нам это нравится. - Правда?
- 00:06:50,270 --> 00:06:54,510 Вы говорите это не просто чтобы обнадёжить меня, а затем раздавить остатки моего духа?
- 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,880 - Давайте делать деньги! - Ладно.
- 00:06:55,940 --> 00:07:00,580 Все выстройтесь со своими пожитками, и мы начнём выдавать Тиранов.
- 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,420 Я не соглашался на это название.
- 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,750 Извините, я поторопил события.
- 00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,650 - Зовите их как хотите. - Крап-монеты.
- 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,060 Сколько крап-монет я получу за это?
- 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,190 Я только сейчас осознал, насколько это мерзко.
- 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,700 Фу, храм больше напоминает зоопарк.
- 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,970 Люди не держат животных в зоопарке мёртвых животных.
- 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,340 Да, вы их съедаете, как будто это лучше.
- 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,810 - Что это? - Деньги.
- 00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,870 Их используют для обмена вместо куриц.
- 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:29,140 Эти металлические диски ценны для вас, смертных?
- 00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,710 Люди сходят по ним с ума.
- 00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:33,550 Когда накоплю денег, сделаю себе третий хвостик.
- 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:38,150 У меня наконец может быть полный храм подношений без вони куриного помёта.
- 00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:40,890 Мне это нравится. Распространи весть.
- 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,490 С этого момента Делирия принимает только деньги.
- 00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:47,630 Разве не захватывающе?
- 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:49,930 Нет. Это очень, очень скучно.
- 00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:51,900 Значит, всё получилось.
- 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:54,440 Не верится, что мы делаем то же, что и Афины.
- 00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:59,310 Возможно, деньги - первый шаг к тому, чтобы Крапополис стал чем-то большим, чем жирное пятно от пальца на карте.
- 00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:04,350 Кто знает, возможно, еще при моей жизни мы дорастём до целой точки.
- 00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:09,080 Начнём с пары бочек, а там увидим, куда нас заведёт день.
- 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,120 Нам нужно обсудить твой счёт.
- 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:15,960 Мы уже согласились, что это была глупая идея. А теперь я продолжу напиваться.
- 00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,090 Тогда твой сын еще не изобрёл деньги.
- 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,830 Кто придумал, что после секса бывают дети?
- 00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:24,070 У такой хорошей вещи не должно быть такого огромного недостатка.
- 00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:26,940 Твое чрезмерное пьянство создаёт очевидную проблему.
- 00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:29,370 - Не прогоняй его. - Да!
- 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:34,110 Его шумное, буйное поведение отвлекает меня от моих мрачных мыслей.
- 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,840 Видишь? Я жизнь и душа этого места.
- 00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:38,980 Что если я буду тебе за это платить?
- 00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:41,580 То есть моей работой будет пить?
- 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:43,850 Пить, травить байки, быть собой.
- 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,950 И будучи собой, можешь пить сколько хочешь.
- 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:52,830 Это идёт вразрез со всем, во что я верю, но быть трезвым звучит как настоящий ад.
- 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:54,930 Подходите, выпивохи.
- 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,730 Пора напиться так, словно это моя работа.
- 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,200 А теперь это так и есть.
- 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:06,010 Тиран, у нас небольшая проблема. - Какая?
- 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:07,610 Я пошёл в город перекусить.
- 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,880 - Кебаб ВУзи? - А что же еще?
- 00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,610 - Точно. - Бум!
- 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,580 Но Вузи ничего мне не дал, потому что у меня нет денег.
- 00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:17,550 Это легко исправить. Наделаем больше монет.
- 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:22,060 Но если у денег не будет конкретной стоимости, это же по определению сделает их ничего не стоящими.
- 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,790 Ставлю десять монет, что это сработает.
- 00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:26,190 Не вижу в этом минусов.
- 00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,000 - Где ты был? - Пил.
- 00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,970 Тогда почему ты не довольный и не возбуждённый?
- 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,570 Теперь это моя работа, и я это ненавижу.
- 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,770 Деньги отняли у меня то, что я люблю больше всего на свете.
- 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,440 После тебя, секса и жаркОго, конечно же.
- 00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:41,410 А по-моему они чудесны.
- 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,640 Я, как говорят люди, с достатком.
- 00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:45,350 Я бы с ними такого наворотил.
- 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:46,310 Так возьми их.
- 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,920 Но они твои. Ты заработала их своей потрясностью.
- 00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:53,960 Верно, но смысл в том, что люди отдают что-то важное для них, чтобы доказать свою любовь ко мне.
- 00:09:53,990 --> 00:09:56,520 После этого они мне больше не нужны.
- 00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:01,560 А я думал, величайший подарок, который ты можешь мне сделать, это тысячи лет сногсшибательных оргазмом.
- 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,860 Почему бы не то и то?
- 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:05,500 День явно изменился к лучшему.
- 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:11,590 - Две курицы, пожалуйста. - Извини, закончились.
- 00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,370 - Ноу меня есть деньги. - А куриц нет.
- 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,580 Что если я дам больше денег за тех?
- 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,010 - Это можно. - Эй!
- 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,780 Извини, курицы подорожали.
- 00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,650 Ладно, заплачу больше. Мне нужны курицы.
- 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,150 Нет, если я заплачу еще больше.
- 00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:31,590 - Ты опоздал. - Как я могу опоздать?
- 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,030 - Я владею баром. - Я владею баром.
- 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,900 Извини, забыл сперва сделать так.
- 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,300 До сих пор привыкаю ко всей этой идее.
- 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:40,700 Как много денег.
- 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,440 Ну, счастье нельзя купить за деньги.
- 00:10:42,470 --> 00:10:45,540 Но я это делаю. За вот такую сумму.
- 00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,040 Бар столько не стоит.
- 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,880 Для меня он стоит вдвое больше. Держи.
- 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,850 - Ты серьёзно? - О, очень серьёзно.
- 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:58,420 Я серьёзен, как трезвое чудовище, которому не терпится закончить этот разговор и перестать быть трезвым.
- 00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,620 По рукам.
- 00:10:59,690 --> 00:11:03,090 Друзья-пьяницы, с сегодняшнего дня это бар Шлаба.
- 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,660 И в баре Шлаба все пьют бесплатно.
- 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,400 Так баром не управляют.
- 00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:12,470 Ты не управляешь. А я буду делать это именно так.
- 00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:15,500 Если хочешь сесть и выпить бесплатно, то пожалуйста.
- 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,310 Если нет, убирайся.
- 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,510 Я всегда думал, что стать царём это лучшее, на что можно надеяться, но я ошибался.
- 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:24,780 Быть богатым намного лучше.
- 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:30,220 Кажется, некоторые женщины смотрели на мои след слизи с противоположностью отвращения.
- 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,950 Что делать, если нам больше нечего покупать,
- 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:35,160 но у людей по-прежнему есть куча денег?
- 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:37,990 Заплатим кому-то, чтобы они об этом думали.
- 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,830 Вот почему хорошо быть богатыми.
- 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,600 - Ваша курица. - Превосходно. Я был голоден.
- 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,700 Вообще-то, курицы немного подорожали.
- 00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:46,800 - Насколько? - Сто Тиранов.
- 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:48,100 Как эт возможно?
- 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,470 Монет много, а куриц не слишком.
- 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:53,310 - Гиппо, ты гений. Что с этим делать? - Всё просто.
- 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,680 Сделаем еще монет.
- 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:58,150 Если монет станет больше, разве куры не подорожают еще сильнее?
- 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,580 Ты осознаёшь, что я могу тебя убить, да?
- 00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:01,580 Как будете платить?
- 00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:02,980 Проваливай!
- 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,950 Мы можем сделать больше куриц?
- 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:08,760 Как показали эксперименты, куриц могут делать только курицы.
- 00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:12,630 Но я готов попытаться снова. Это весёлый эксперимент.
- 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,660 Нельзя, чтобы новая система рухнула. Мы слишком богаты.
- 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:18,800 У кого можно спросить, как работает денежная система?
- 00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:20,740 Человек из Афин, он знает.
- 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:22,740 Ты предлагаешь то, о чём я думаю?
- 00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:23,840 Всё верно, Гиппо.
- 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,040 Мы проведём отпуск в Афинах!
- 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:29,610 Колосса, почему мой алтарь пуст?
- 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,510 Где все почитатели?
- 00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:32,180 Наверно в баре.
- 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,250 Шлаб раздаёт бесплатную выпивку, и все сбежались туда.
- 00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,820 - Они выглядели счастливыми. - Счастливые люди не молятся богам.
- 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:41,420 Несчастные люди всегда молят о том и этом.
- 00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:44,130 Жену получше, ребёнка, жену для ребёнка.
- 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:47,030 Их несчастье подпитывает меня.
- 00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,330 Видишь? Вот вид человека, которому нужна молитва.
- 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,200 Великая Делирия, я пришёл за ответами, ибо я пропащая душа.
- 00:12:54,270 --> 00:12:56,570 Если хочешь от нее помощи, ближе к сути.
- 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,810 У нее много сил, но долгое внимание не одна из них.
- 00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:00,880 У меня был смысл жизни.
- 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:05,010 По утрам я просыпался, зная, что я должен делать - помогать людям напиться.
- 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,780 Я потерял всё.
- 00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:08,120 Я хочу вернуть бар.
- 00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,020 Бар, который продал Шлабу?
- 00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:13,520 Бар, где все твои почитатели проводят все дни и ночи.
- 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:14,820 Я скучаю по поклонению.
- 00:13:14,890 --> 00:13:17,690 Когда привыкнешь, от него тяжело отказаться.
- 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,760 Ладно, я помогу тебе.
- 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,670 Судя по карте мы пришли.
- 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:31,740 Это не могут быть Афины.
- 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,710 На наших картах всего три точки.
- 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:38,050 Если что-то не нравится, мог бы сам изобрести первый в мире компас, чтобы ориентироваться!
- 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,850 Но где мрамор, сенат, демократия?
- 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,780 Эй, отвалите.
- 00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:43,920 Это мое!
- 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,290 Отпуск получился так себе.
- 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,630 Тут очень расслабляюще.
- 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,000 Твой сарказм не помогает.
- 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,870 Ну, я мало что могу с этим сделать, не так ли?
- 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:05,070 Не знаю, что происходит, но я сильно разочарован.
- 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:06,910 Здесь небезопасно.
- 00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:09,180 - Где здесь? - Это Афины.
- 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:11,680 - То есть были. - Грегориос?
- 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,050 Что тут творится?
- 00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:17,390 Когда я уходил, Афины процветали. Но вернувшись, я увидел это.
- 00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:22,020 Всё из-за денег. Когда у афинцев кончились монеты, они начали делать новые.
- 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:28,060 Это казалось идеальным решением, но от этого стало только хуже, намного хуже.
- 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:31,700 Как говорится, больше денег - больше проблем.
- 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,230 О боже мой. Мы влипли.
- 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,740 Да брось, не может быть, что это всё из-за лишних монет.
- 00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:39,670 Деньги потеряли цену, и люди обратились друг против друга.
- 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:41,280 Плохо дело.
- 00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:44,580 Думаешь? Вся наша цивилизация рухнула за трёхдневный уикэнд.
- 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:45,380 Что такое уикэнд?
- 00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:46,750 Еще одно наше изобретение.
- 00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:52,850 Не время для новых идей. Надо исправить проблемы с предыдущим.
- 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,320 А от меня вы чего хотите?
- 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,790 Боже мой!
- 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:58,730 Пока не знаю, но мы уходим прямо сейчас.
- 00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:00,560 Слезь с меня!
- 00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:03,900 О боже!
- 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,470 О боже!
- 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,840 Если ты не хочешь остаться.
- 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:19,110 И кракен говорит: "Женщина, я живу на дне океана.
- 00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:22,320 И теперь это не самое склизкое место, в котором я побывал".
- 00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,190 Внимание, смертные.
- 00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:30,850 Отныне молящиеся в моем храме могут пить бесплатно.
- 00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:33,560 И я даже заплачу вам по пять монет.
- 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,840 - Что ты делаешь? - Возвращаю почитателей.
- 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,670 Но твои почитатели это мои пьяницы.
- 00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:44,840 Они мне нужны.
- 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,310 Что мне делать в пустом баре?
- 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:48,510 Ты можешь прийти в мой храм.
- 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:51,280 Там будет абсолютный отрыв.
- 00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:54,780 Я так и не понял, в чём тут моя выгода.
- 00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:57,150 Ты снова стал барменом.
- 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,420 - Разве ты не этого хотел? - Я хотел вернуть бар.
- 00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:03,220 Я богиня, а не джин. Бери, что предлагают.
- 00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:06,230 Спасибо, что взяли меня с собой.
- 00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:07,960 Пока рано радоваться.
- 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,470 Мои люди убьют нас, когда узнают, что их деньги ничего не стоят.
- 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:15,040 Я пообещал им, что мы станем великим городом.
- 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:19,170 Они были довольны жизнью, а я подтолкнул их желать большего.
- 00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:21,080 Я не знаю, что мне делать.
- 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:26,050 Предложение: обвиним во всём Грегориоса. Пусть вместо этого убьют его.
- 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,820 Ничего личного. Я просто не хочу умирать.
- 00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,050 Или используем его...
- 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:34,190 Как живой щит, да. Мы говорим об одном и том же.
- 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,260 Нет, Грегориос из Афин.
- 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,630 Все считают Афины городом, на который хотят быть похожи все города.
- 00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:42,400 Они не знают, что это апокалиптический ад.
- 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,270 Но я ничего не понимаю в деньгах.
- 00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:47,430 К счастью, мой народ понимает еще меньше.
- 00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,940 Это неправильно.
- 00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:51,170 Потому что это кощунство?
- 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,240 Нет, потому что это не бар.
- 00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:56,710 Это место, где люди выпивают. То есть бар, нет?
- 00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:59,310 Иногда я забываю, какая ты дура.
- 00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,180 Бар это нечто совсем другое.
- 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:06,890 В них есть нечто неописуемое, отчего нажираться с незнакомцами становится особенно весело.
- 00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:08,360 Налить еще, Шлаб?
- 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,390 - Теперь ты работаешь здесь? - Вроде того.
- 00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:12,260 Я не уверен, что это такое.
- 00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,960 Ну, чем бы ни было, это не бар.
- 00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,130 Это правда.
- 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,770 Шлаб, было неправильно требовать у тебя платить.
- 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,740 Я был слишком поглощён деловой частью управления баром.
- 00:17:22,770 --> 00:17:25,470 - Это было мерзко с твоей стороны. - Верни мне бар.
- 00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,340 Сделаем всё как было.
- 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,780 - Я люблю тебя, Шлаб. - Я тебя тоже.
- 00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:32,480 Ну, не тебя лично. Я даже не знаю твоего имени.
- 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:38,120 Но я люблю тот факт, что ты владеешь местом, куда я могу пойти и наклюкаться.
- 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:40,120 Отныне ты всегда можешь пить бесплатно.
- 00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,190 Это всё, чего я хотел.
- 00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:46,590 Не жди меня, Колосса. Папочка идёт на попойку всей жизни.
- 00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:50,270 Народ Крапополиса, за деньгами будущее.
- 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:53,200 Я знаю, что монет больше, чем куриц.
- 00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:56,040 Это может казаться проблемой, но это не так.
- 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,014 Почему?
- 00:17:57,014 --> 00:18:02,080 Я привёл настоящего афинца, чтобы убедиться, что система надёжна. И он говорит, что это так.
- 00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:05,380 - Разве? - Да. Ты денежный гений.
- 00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:09,450 И ты посчитал всех куриц и все монеты.
- 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,050 И теперь можешь сказать, что одна монета стоит...
- 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,160 Если ты хотел, чтобы я что-то сказал, надо было отрепетировать.
- 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,430 Не время для замечаний, Грегориос. Ты хотел сказать "одну курицу".
- 00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:21,130 Разве не с этого всё началось?
- 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:26,030 Да, но теперь Грегориос будет официально заведовать курицами и монетами.
- 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,030 Повезло мне.
- 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,600 Он определяет, сколько что стоит.
- 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,870 И когда он говорит, что цена чего-то изменилась, мы не задаём вопросов.
- 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:39,180 Потому что у него сложная работа. И чтобы оспорить ее, нам тоже придётся проделать много лишней работы.
- 00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:42,450 И тогда у нас не останется времени на отпуск.
- 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:48,360 - Что такое отпуск? - О, приготовьтесь, сейчас я взорву вам мозг.
- 00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:51,290 Что будет, если люди засомневаются в системе?
- 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:54,030 Она не выдержит даже простейшей критики.
- 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,760 Люди для этого слишком ленивые.
- 00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,300 А если и засомневаются, мы к тому времени будем мертвы, и это станет проблемой для кого-то другого.
- 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,470 Но люди так и не потеряли веру.
- 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:06,510 Вместо того чтобы сомневаться в деньгах, они просто пользовались ими.
- 00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:11,250 Потому что им нравилось покупать вещи, а для этого нужно было больше денег.
- 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:15,480 Поэтому все нашли работу и вкалывали до потери пульса.
- 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:22,090 Вся эта работа отнимала столько времени, что они начали забывать, что делает жизнь особенной.
- 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,260 Но постепенно система так разрослась,
- 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:31,000 что попытка оспорить ее стала бы означать конец всего, поэтому никто этого не делал.
- 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,270 Так у нас и появился уОлмарт.
- 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,540 Ребята, я такая плохая.
- 00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:41,410 - Я снюхала спорынью Диониса. - О нет.
- 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,610 Да, от этой штуки крыша едет.
- 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,810 Я видела звуки и слышала цвета.
- 00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:53,820 Умирающее дерево рассказало мне секрет о монетной платёжной системе, от которой люди впадают в неистовство.
- 00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:58,990 Я увидела будущее, в котором идиотская семейка Делирии использовала эти деньги в своем идиотском городе.
- 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:04,130 Возможно, это отходняк от спорыньи, но они вели себя страннее и тупее обычного.
- 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,430 И что они с ними делали?
- 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,270 Платили за нужные им вещи.
- 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,940 Но зачем? У них уже был обмен.
- 00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:12,610 - Деньги делали их счастливыми? - Наоборот.
- 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,480 Они стали еще несчастнее.
- 00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:16,540 Какой урок мы из этого извлечём?
- 00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:19,550 Не нюхать спорынью Диониса?
- 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:22,280 Нет, всегда слушать умирающие деревья.
- 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,220 Может, нам следует дать людям деньги?
- 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,990 Если мои галлюцинации верны - и будем честны, наверно так и есть, -
- 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:32,330 деньги могут заставить смертных творить ужасные вещи.
- 00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:35,260 Они будут готовы на всё, чтобы получить больше денег.
- 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:40,570 И они неизбежно будут повергнуты в уныние. Даже те, у кого денег много.
- 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,400 И тогда они приползут к нам.
- 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,310 И это ценнее всех мёртвых куриц на свете!
- 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,480 Желаете чего-нибудь еще?
- 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,410 Нет, всё было великолепно.
- 00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:54,480 Держи, за твои услуги.
- 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,380 Она стоит одну целую курицу.
- 00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,090 Итак, началось.
- 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,200 Корабль всей моей жизни!
- 00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,770 - Боже, обожаю это место. - Оно просто лучшее.
- 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,870 <i>I've gathered you all here to discuss the city's future,</i>
- 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,239 which I believe is bright.
- 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,406 - Based on what? - Not the energy
- 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:07,908 I'm picking up from you guys.
- 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:08,976 You're supposed to be the movers
- 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,243 and shakers of Krapopolis.
- 00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:12,913 I move horse crap from inside the stalls
- 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,014 to outside the stalls.
- 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,182 And I only shake
- 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,517 because I'm dangerously malnourished.
- 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,252 And yet, you're still the best we've got.
- 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,254 Nobody wishes that wasn't the case more than me.
- 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,424 Don't you want a legacy,
- 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,527 a way to know you made a difference?
- 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,961 Mmm.
- 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,930 You've got to agree that lately,
- 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,432 the city's kind of hit a plateau.
- 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,867 Why is that a bad thing? A plateau is stable.
- 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:34,768 Not sure you noticed,
- 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,637 but pretty dangerous time to be alive.
- 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,405 This guy just died.
- 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,106 Then let's give his life meaning
- 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,540 by making this meeting matter.
- 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,977 Civilization needs a swift kick in the ass.
- 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,212 Who's ready to lend a foot?
- 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,914 Okay, you're dead now too,
- 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:50,384 but doesn't that fill the rest of you with a sense of urgency?
- 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,653 We just left the woods, like, ten years ago.
- 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,453 I think we're killing it.
- 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,088 How can you be so content with this?
- 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,024 It's so mediocre.
- 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,326 We can do better, and we will do better.
- 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,561 Sounds like you got this figured out.
- 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,696 Can we take a half day? - Take the whole day.
- 00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:04,364 You're all fired.
- 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,267 Oh, screw you too.
- 00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,628 <i>Good morning, family.</i>
- 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,064 It's night, and nobody's seen you for days.
- 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,065 Well, that is odd.
- 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,199 Last thing I remember,
- 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,935 I was drinking heavily at the bar.
- 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,036 Then I woke up at home.
- 00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:44,905 Because I found you passed out underneath a pile
- 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,040 of very exhausted-looking horses.
- 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,275 Doesn't ring a bell, but since I made it
- 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,977 all the way to dinner sober,
- 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,046 I'm going to reward my self-control
- 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,080 with a lot of drinks.
- 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,147 If anyone needs me,
- 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,182 you know where to find me
- 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,284 and where to drag me home to.
- 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,152 - Where's your father going? - To get drunk.
- 00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,355 Fun, fun. Hope you've all saved room.
- 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,890 We don't eat the horns and hooves,
- 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,058 at least not on purpose.
- 00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:05,158 Well, someone has to.
- 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,960 My temple is filled with this stuff,
- 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,395 and it's useless to me.
- 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,430 Why not just ask the people for stuff you need?
- 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:13,267 Because gods don't need anything.
- 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,301 I mean, I was briefly interested
- 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,971 in that whole pooping thing, but it would be criminal
- 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,939 to waste my perfect ass on that.
- 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,373 So the only thing that matters
- 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,475 is that people give me things that they want.
- 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,444 The suffering is how I know they care.
- 00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:27,047 Shouldn't you also be answering their prayers?
- 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,849 Usually by the time I get 'round to it,
- 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,084 they're already dead.
- 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:33,087 It's not my fault you things are so fragile.
- 00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:34,988 Can I come to your temple and take some
- 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,990 of the things you clearly don't care about?
- 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,892 No, but you can help me tidy up.
- 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,527 And if you do a good job,
- 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,529 maybe I'll let you rip off an animal head
- 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,531 for you to wear on your other shoulder.
- 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,433 Sweet!
- 00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:51,271 Using the butt to poop, how pedestrian.
- 00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:54,474 I wanted this city to be extraordinary.
- 00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:57,745 Well, sorry for trying to make your lives better.
- 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,513 <i>My life's work!</i>
- 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,149 - Something bothering you? - Something did bother me,
- 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,552 but then I realized to keep caring would be insane
- 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,988 because nothing is ever gonna change.
- 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,823 Wanna join me? - Nah, I'm good.
- 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,091 I'm just enjoying my vacation.
- 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,961 "Vay-cay-tion"? Sounds stupid.
- 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,862 Where are you from, someplace stupid?
- 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,030 - Athens. - Athens?
- 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,999 Seriously? <i>The</i> Athens?
- 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,534 - You've heard of it? - Have I heard
- 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,435 of the greatest city in the world? Uh, yeah.
- 00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,271 Well, we started using these coins,
- 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,473 and our civilization really took off.
- 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,477 Suddenly, I was rich and had something called "free time."
- 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:32,546 Such a brilliant innovation. Only in Athens.
- 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,382 Krapopolis isn't ready for anything like that.
- 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,485 This city rioted when I suggested
- 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,853 building a barrier between our watering hole
- 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,055 and our poo puddle.
- 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,088 How does it work?
- 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:43,223 We use these to buy and sell
- 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,458 goods and services.
- 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,126 I'm currently carrying the equivalent
- 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,560 of 50 chickens,
- 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,463 and nothing is constantly trying to peck at my testicles.
- 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,967 It's called money. Here, take one.
- 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,702 I'm Gregorios, of Athens.
- 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,904 Tyrannis, of Krap--well, the name isn't important.
- 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,207 Just Tyrannis.
- 00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:03,577 Apparently, it's based on a standard of exchange
- 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:07,147 where these super fungible tokens, or coins,
- 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,483 represent a certain amount that everyone agrees on.
- 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,484 What did you give this Athenian for it?
- 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:14,221 Nothing really, just a couple of cows, goats,
- 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,722 chickens, most of our weapons.
- 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,891 But I'm pretty sure I got the better end of the deal.
- 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,526 Think of how much more efficient this will be.
- 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,029 And since we're basically at the beginning of time,
- 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,463 most people have the same amount of stuff,
- 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:26,033 so they'll be starting on a totally equal playing field.
- 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,100 There's only one problem.
- 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,736 What do we do with Athenian money?
- 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,104 We don't live in Athens.
- 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,172 I know. I wish.
- 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,475 Counterpoint, screw Athens!
- 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,510 What if we made our own money? - Mm...
- 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,112 If it's good enough for Athens,
- 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,148 it's good enough for us to steal from Athens.
- 00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,549 It did give Athens a jump start.
- 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,351 And I would like to see this city evolve
- 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,620 from just trading random animal parts.
- 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,421 Okay, I'm in.
- 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,956 What should we put on our coins?
- 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,391 The Athenians used Athena,
- 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,993 which is a little on the nose for my taste.
- 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,395 It should be someone important,
- 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,497 someone the whole city respects.
- 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,366 Someone who inspires trust and enthusiasm.
- 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,235 - The king! - The weed dealer!
- 00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:03,069 We all love Dylan,
- 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,506 but I still think I'm gonna go with my idea.
- 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,708 I love being drunk,
- 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:08,642 which is why I got into
- 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,045 the sitting-at-a-bar- and-drinking business.
- 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:13,213 Let us celebrate our life choices
- 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,315 with another round.
- 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,118 How many is that for today?
- 00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:19,419 If I had to guess, I'd say six barrels,
- 00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,956 but if I'm not seeing double, 12.
- 00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:24,091 Make that 13!
- 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,393 That seems like a lot to drink without payin'.
- 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,163 So now you're gonna keep tabs on how much I drink?
- 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,498 I thought you were a bartender, not my mother.
- 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,700 crowd: Ooh. - Everyone else pays.
- 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,634 With chickens.
- 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,237 I provide something more valuable--atmosphere.
- 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,639 You think all these people would be drinking here
- 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:40,474 if not for me?
- 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,142 The people love me. I love the people.
- 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,977 We all love drinking. No notes.
- 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,145 Alcohol is pretty addictive.
- 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:48,215 I will not stand here and let you speak ill of alcohol.
- 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,050 Apologize to the drinks.
- 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,619 Do it. Kiss them.
- 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,919 Tongue that booze.
- 00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,288 - No. - Top me off.
- 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:57,023 And while you do that, I'll tell everyone the story
- 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,793 of my very sensual encounter with a griffin...
- 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,328 And her twin.
- 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,866 This is Krapopolis' official coin.
- 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,234 Why does it have your face on it?
- 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,236 Because I'm the most important person in the city.
- 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,237 - Isn't that the weed dealer? - That's what I said!
- 00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,339 It doesn't matter who's on it.
- 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,408 What matters is what it represents.
- 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,343 Don't you want an opportunity to dream,
- 00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,112 to create a world where, eventually,
- 00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:19,879 money is something you can hold onto?
- 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,248 Grow your wealth instead of having
- 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,516 to eat everything you earn?
- 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,151 - How does that work? - I'm really glad
- 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,019 you asked that before rioting.
- 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,321 Instead of something being worth
- 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,089 a certain number of chickens or goats,
- 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,958 everyone will agree on a coin amount
- 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,227 that is fair to both parties,
- 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,229 and that amount of coins can then be exchanged
- 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,265 for the equivalent in goods and services.
- 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,600 What about the guy in town who used to make change?
- 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,137 I am so not married to this career.
- 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:45,272 - You can marry careers? - What's a career?
- 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,408 I know you're gonna be skeptical, but--
- 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,809 - It feels right. - You're really into it?
- 00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,446 You're not just saying you are so you can get my hopes up
- 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:54,115 and crush whatever spirit I have left?
- 00:06:54,115 --> 00:06:55,482 - Let's do money! - Okay.
- 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,351 Everyone line up with your possessions,
- 00:06:57,351 --> 00:07:00,187 and we'll start handing out the Tyrannises.
- 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,022 I don't remember agreeing on that name.
- 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,357 Sorry, got a little ahead of myself.
- 00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:05,258 Call them whatever you want. - Krap coins.
- 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,660 How many Krap coins do I get for this?
- 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,796 Ugh, I never realized how gross this was until now.
- 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,303 Ugh, this temple feels more like a petting zoo.
- 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,572 People don't pet the animals after they're dead.
- 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,942 Oh, right, you just eat them, like that's better.
- 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,410 What is this? - It's called money.
- 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,478 The city's using it instead of trading chickens.
- 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:28,749 So these metal disks are valuable to you mortals?
- 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,317 People are nuts for 'em.
- 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:33,153 When I get enough money, I'm gonna get a third pigtail.
- 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,355 I could finally have a temple full of sacrifices
- 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,758 that don't stink like chicken crap.
- 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,093 Oh, I like it.
- 00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:40,493 I'm in. Spread the word.
- 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:44,097 From now on, Deliria only accepts cold hard money.
- 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:47,034 Isn't this exciting?
- 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,336 No, it's actually very, very boring.
- 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,305 I think that means it's working.
- 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,841 I can't believe we're doing something that Athens would do.
- 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,544 Maybe money is the first step to Krapopolis being more than
- 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,712 just a greasy finger smudge on the map.
- 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,380 Who knows? Maybe in my lifetime,
- 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:03,750 I'll get to see us make it all the way to a dot.
- 00:08:05,119 --> 00:08:06,486 Let's start with a couple of barrels
- 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,489 and see where this day takes us.
- 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,524 We're gonna need to discuss your tab.
- 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,027 We already agreed that that was a stupid idea.
- 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,362 Now I'm back to get drunk.
- 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,497 That was before your son invented money.
- 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,233 Whose idea was it for sex to lead to children?
- 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,969 Something so good should never have
- 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,470 such a substantial downside.
- 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,340 I see your excessive drinking is an obvious liability.
- 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,775 Don't make him go. all: Yeah!
- 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:32,079 His loud boisterous behavior keeps me from dealing
- 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,514 with my own dark thoughts.
- 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,249 See? I'm the life and soul of this place.
- 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,385 What if I paid you to keep being that?
- 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,987 You want me to drink as a job?
- 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:43,257 Drink, tell stories, just be you.
- 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,391 And while you're being you,
- 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,358 you can drink as much as you like.
- 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,362 Working goes against everything I believe in,
- 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:52,232 but being sober sounds like genuine hell.
- 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,334 Gather round, fellow drunks.
- 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,138 It's time to get wasted like it's my job,
- 00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:59,606 which I guess it now is.
- 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,543 Tyrannis,
- 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,412 we have a slight problem. - What's that?
- 00:09:05,513 --> 00:09:07,014 I went into town to get some lunch.
- 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,282 - Woozie's Kebabs? - Is there any other?
- 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,018 - You know it. - Boom!
- 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,453 But Woozie wouldn't give me any
- 00:09:12,453 --> 00:09:13,988 because I don't have any more money.
- 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,089 That's an easy fix.
- 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:16,957 We can just make a lot more coins.
- 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,092 But if the money isn't worth
- 00:09:18,092 --> 00:09:19,826 the value of something specific,
- 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,461 isn't it by definition worthless?
- 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,197 I bet you ten coins this works.
- 00:09:23,197 --> 00:09:25,599 Can't see a downside to that.
- 00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,402 - Where have you been? - Drinking.
- 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,370 Then why aren't you happy and horny?
- 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,973 Because it's my job now, and I hate it.
- 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,674 Money has robbed me of the thing
- 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,176 I love most in the world,
- 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,846 other than you, sex, and stir fry, of course.
- 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,814 Oh, I think it's wonderful.
- 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,049 I'm what people call "loaded."
- 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:44,751 The things I could do with all that.
- 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:45,719 Then take it.
- 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,321 But it's yours. You earned it by being amazing.
- 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,157 True, but the point is for the people
- 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,992 to give up something that matters to them
- 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,360 to prove how much they love me.
- 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,929 Once they do that, I don't need it anymore.
- 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,231 And I thought the greatest gift
- 00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:59,166 you could ever give me was thousands of years
- 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,968 of mind-blowing orgasms.
- 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,269 Why not have both?
- 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,905 This day has really turned around.
- 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,807 both: Mmm.
- 00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:10,210 - Two chickens, please. - Sorry.
- 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,478 I'm all out. - But I have money.
- 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,779 That doesn't make more chickens.
- 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,981 What if I give you more money for those chickens?
- 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,417 - Mm, that could work. - Hey!
- 00:10:16,417 --> 00:10:18,185 Sorry, chickens cost more now.
- 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,053 Fine, I'll pay more. I want these chickens.
- 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,555 Not if I pay more than you.
- 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,998 - You're late. - How can I be late?
- 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,434 I own this bar. - I own the bar.
- 00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,302 Sorry, I forgot to do this first.
- 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,706 Still getting used to this whole concept.
- 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,107 That's a lot of money.
- 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,842 Well, you can't put a price on happiness.
- 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,945 I mean, you obviously should, and it should be this amount.
- 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,447 This place isn't worth that much.
- 00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:49,282 It's worth double to me. In fact, here.
- 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:52,252 - You're serious? - Oh, I am very serious,
- 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,354 as serious as a sober monster desperate
- 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,825 to end this conversation and stop being sober.
- 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,026 Then you got a deal.
- 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,128 Fellow drunks, as of today,
- 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,496 this is Shlub's Bar,
- 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,065 and everyone drinks for free at Shlub's Bar.
- 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,801 That's not how you run a bar.
- 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,070 No, that's not how <i>you</i> run a bar.
- 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,872 This is exactly how I do it.
- 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,140 Now if you wanna sit down
- 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,908 and drink for free, you're welcome.
- 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,710 If not, get out.
- 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,513 I always thought becoming a king was the best
- 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,916 you could hope for in life, but I was wrong.
- 00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:24,184 Being rich is way better.
- 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,886 I think that some of the women in the city
- 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,488 were checking out my slime trails
- 00:11:27,488 --> 00:11:29,623 with whatever the opposite of disgust is.
- 00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:32,359 So what do we do if we run out of stuff to buy,
- 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,562 but the people still have a bunch of money?
- 00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:37,397 We can pay someone to figure that out for us.
- 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,232 That's the benefit of being rich.
- 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,002 - Sir, here is your chicken. - Excellent. I'm starving.
- 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,104 Actually, chickens cost a bit more now.
- 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,206 - How much more? - 100 Tyrannises.
- 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,507 How is that possible?
- 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,877 There's a lot of coins and not a lot of chickens.
- 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:50,977 Hippo, you're the genius.
- 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,713 What do we do about this? - Easy.
- 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,081 We make more coins.
- 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,382 If you make more coins,
- 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,551 won't chickens just end up costing even more?
- 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,987 You do realize I can have you killed, right?
- 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:00,987 How are you gonna pay for that?
- 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,389 Get out!
- 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,357 Can we somehow make more chickens?
- 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,126 According to my experiments,
- 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,162 only chickens can make more chickens,
- 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,397 but I am willing to try again.
- 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,032 It's a pretty fun experiment.
- 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,834 We can't let this new system collapse.
- 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,068 We're too rich.
- 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,303 Is there anyone we can ask
- 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,205 about how this money system works?
- 00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,140 The man from Athens, he would know.
- 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,142 Are you proposing what I think you are?
- 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,243 That's right, Hippo.
- 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,446 We're taking a vacation to Athens!
- 00:12:25,446 --> 00:12:28,815 Stupendous, why is my altar empty?
- 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,718 Where are all my worshippers?
- 00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:31,385 Probably at the bar.
- 00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,086 Shlub's giving away free booze,
- 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,454 and people were packing in.
- 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:35,489 They looked real happy.
- 00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:38,025 Happy people don't pray to their gods.
- 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,794 Miserable people are the ones always
- 00:12:39,794 --> 00:12:40,628 begging for this or that--
- 00:12:40,628 --> 00:12:43,330 a better wife, a child, a child wife.
- 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,233 Their misery is what fuels me.
- 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,536 See? That's the look of a guy in need of a prayer.
- 00:12:48,536 --> 00:12:51,972 Great Deliria, I come to you for answers,
- 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,407 for I am a lost soul.
- 00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:55,776 If you really want her help, get to the point.
- 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,043 She's got lots of powers,
- 00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,013 but a long attention span ain't one of 'em.
- 00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:00,080 I used to have a purpose.
- 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,917 I'd wake up every morning knowing what I had to do--
- 00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:04,218 help people get drunk.
- 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,986 I've got nothing left.
- 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,321 I want my bar back.
- 00:13:07,321 --> 00:13:09,222 The bar you sold to Shlub?
- 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,057 The bar where all your worshippers
- 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,727 are spending every day and night.
- 00:13:12,727 --> 00:13:14,028 I do miss the worship.
- 00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:15,162 I mean, once you get a taste for it,
- 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,897 it's really hard to give up.
- 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,965 Fine. I'll help you.
- 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,875 The map says we're here.
- 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,944 This can't be <i>the</i> Athens.
- 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,913 Our maps only have three dots.
- 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,114 And if you wanted to navigate,
- 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:37,250 maybe you should have invented the world's first compass!
- 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,053 But where is the marble, the senate, the democracy?
- 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,988 Hey. Back off.
- 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,123 Those are mine!
- 00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,493 Some vacation this turned out to be.
- 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,834 I'm feeling very relaxed.
- 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,202 The sarcasm isn't helping.
- 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,971 Well, not much I can do about that,
- 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,073 is there?
- 00:14:00,474 --> 00:14:02,343 I don't know what is going on,
- 00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:04,278 but this is a major disappointment.
- 00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,113 both: Aah! - You're not safe here.
- 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:08,381 - Where is here? - This is Athens.
- 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,884 Or at least it was. - Gregorios?
- 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,252 What the hell is going on?
- 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,622 When I left, Athens was thriving,
- 00:14:14,622 --> 00:14:16,590 but I came back to this.
- 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,391 It was the money.
- 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,993 When the other Athenians got low on coins,
- 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,227 they just started making more.
- 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,163 It seemed like the perfect solution,
- 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:27,268 but it made everything worse, so much worse.
- 00:14:27,268 --> 00:14:30,904 Like they say, "Mo' money, mo' problems."
- 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,439 Oh, my God. We are so screwed.
- 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,241 Oh, come on, it couldn't have all been
- 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:35,943 because they made more coins.
- 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,177 The money became worthless,
- 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,879 and people began to turn on each other.
- 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,480 - This is bad. - You think?
- 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,216 Our entire civilization collapsed
- 00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,784 over a three-day weekend.
- 00:14:43,784 --> 00:14:44,584 What's a weekend?
- 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,953 It's another thing we invented--
- 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,020 Aah!
- 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,457 Not the time for new ideas. We still need to fix
- 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,059 the problems your last one caused.
- 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,526 What do you want me to do about it?
- 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,995 Aah! Oh, my God.
- 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,163 I don't know yet,
- 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:57,931 but it involves us leaving right now.
- 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,766 Get off of me.
- 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,602 Aah!
- 00:15:01,602 --> 00:15:03,104 Oh, my God!
- 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,674 Oh, my God!
- 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,048 Unless you want to stay.
- 00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:16,216 <i>So the kraken says,</i>
- 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,318 "Lady, I live in the bottom of the ocean,
- 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,521 and that's still the slimiest thing I've ever been inside."
- 00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:26,394 Attention, mortals.
- 00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:28,562 From now on, if you pray at my temple,
- 00:15:28,562 --> 00:15:30,865 you can drink for free, and I'll even pay you
- 00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:32,766 five coins to be there.
- 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,040 - What are you doing? - Getting my worshipers back.
- 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,876 But your worshippers are my drunks.
- 00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,044 I need them.
- 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,512 What am I meant to do in an empty bar?
- 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,714 You're more than welcome to come to my temple.
- 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,484 It's gonna be an absolute rager.
- 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,987 I'm still not sure what I got out of this deal.
- 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,357 You get to be a bartender again.
- 00:15:56,357 --> 00:15:58,625 Isn't that what you wanted? - I wanted my bar back.
- 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,429 Well, I'm a god, not a genie. You get what you get.
- 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,231 I really appreciate you guys taking me with you.
- 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,967 I wouldn't start celebrating yet.
- 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,302 My people are gonna kill us
- 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,470 as soon as they learn that their money is worthless.
- 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,139 I promised them that we were on our way
- 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,041 to becoming a great city.
- 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,442 They were content with their lives,
- 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,178 and I'm the one who pushed them to want more.
- 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,080 I don't know if I can face that.
- 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,282 Here's a pitch: what if we blame everything
- 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,051 on Gregorios and let the people kill him instead?
- 00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,219 - Uh-- - It's not personal.
- 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,821 I just really don't wanna die.
- 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,057 Or we can use him--
- 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,959 As a human shield, yes.
- 00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:33,193 We're saying the same thing.
- 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,262 No, Gregorios is from Athens.
- 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,463 Everyone thinks of Athens
- 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,632 as the city other cities want to be like.
- 00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:41,402 They don't know it's an apocalyptic hellhole.
- 00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:43,270 But I don't know anything about money.
- 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,439 Luckily, my people know even less.
- 00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:48,942 This feels wrong.
- 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:50,177 Because it's sacrilegious?
- 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,246 No, because this isn't a bar.
- 00:16:52,246 --> 00:16:53,981 It's a place where people are drinking.
- 00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:55,716 Isn't that all a bar is?
- 00:16:55,716 --> 00:16:58,318 Oh, sometimes I forget that you're the stupid one.
- 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,187 A bar is something totally different.
- 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,222 It has this indescribable thing
- 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,892 that makes getting blacked out with strangers extra fun.
- 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,361 Need a fresh one, Shlub?
- 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,396 - You're working here now? - Kind of.
- 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,264 I'm not totally sure what this is.
- 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,866 Well, I'll tell you what it isn't,
- 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:13,968 and that's a bar.
- 00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:15,135 Ain't that the truth?
- 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,904 Shlub, I was wrong
- 00:17:16,904 --> 00:17:18,772 to ask you to pay for your drinks.
- 00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,040 I got way too caught up
- 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,742 in the business part of the bar business.
- 00:17:21,742 --> 00:17:24,478 - It was an ugly side of you. - Give me the bar back.
- 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,347 We can make things how they used to be.
- 00:17:26,347 --> 00:17:28,782 I love you, Shlub. - I love you too.
- 00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:30,250 Well, not you specifically.
- 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,485 I don't even know your name.
- 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,654 But I love the fact that you own a place
- 00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:37,124 that I can go to where I can get totally blasted.
- 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,126 From now on, you'll always drink for free.
- 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,195 That's all I ever wanted.
- 00:17:41,195 --> 00:17:42,629 Don't wait up, Stupendous.
- 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,599 Daddy's going on the bender of a lifetime.
- 00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:49,270 People of Krapopolis, money is the future.
- 00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:52,205 I know there are more coins than there are chickens,
- 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:55,041 and that might seem like a problem, but it's not.
- 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,443 - Why not? - Because I've brought
- 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:57,478 a genuine Athenian back
- 00:17:57,478 --> 00:17:59,680 to make sure that our system is solid,
- 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,081 and he says it is.
- 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:04,384 - I do? - Yes. You are a money genius.
- 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:08,455 And you've calculated all the chickens and all the coins
- 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:12,058 and can now say that the value of one coin is...
- 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,360 If you wanted me to say something,
- 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,162 we probably should have rehearsed this first.
- 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,363 Not a great time for notes, Gregorios.
- 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,431 What he meant to say is "One chicken."
- 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,133 Isn't that how this all started?
- 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,335 It is, but now Gregorios is going
- 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,038 to be the official keeper of the chickens and coins.
- 00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,039 Good for me.
- 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,607 He'll regulate how much everything is worth,
- 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,844 and when he says something is worth more or less,
- 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:31,879 we won't question it
- 00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:34,014 because his job is complicated,
- 00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,716 and to challenge him would mean
- 00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:38,185 we had to do a lot of extra work,
- 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:41,455 and that would mean no time for vacation.
- 00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:44,224 - What's a vacation? - Oh, man!
- 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,360 Get ready to have your minds blown.
- 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,297 What happens if people ever really question the system?
- 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:53,033 It will not stand up to even the most basic scrutiny.
- 00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,768 They won't because they're lazy,
- 00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:57,504 and even if one day they do, we'll be long dead by then,
- 00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,306 and it'll be someone else's problem.
- 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,475 <i>But the people never did lose faith.</i>
- 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:04,111 <i>Rather than question how currency worked,</i>
- 00:19:04,111 --> 00:19:05,512 <i>they just went along with it</i>
- 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,249 <i>because they really liked buying stuff,</i>
- 00:19:08,249 --> 00:19:10,251 <i>which meant they needed more money.</i>
- 00:19:10,251 --> 00:19:12,219 <i>So everybody got jobs</i>
- 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,488 <i>and worked themselves to the bone.</i>
- 00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:17,691 <i>All of this working ate up so much of their lives,</i>
- 00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:21,095 <i>they began to forget what made living special.</i>
- 00:19:21,095 --> 00:19:24,264 <i>But eventually, the system grew so large</i>
- 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,933 <i>that trying to challenge it would mean the end</i>
- 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:30,003 <i>of everything, so nobody did.</i>
- 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,272 <i>And that's how we got Walmart.</i>
- 00:19:35,042 --> 00:19:37,344 You guys, I'm so bad.
- 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,214 I snorted Dionysus' ergot. - Oh, no.
- 00:19:40,214 --> 00:19:42,416 Yeah, that stuff really messes you up.
- 00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:45,619 Like, I could see sounds and hear colors.
- 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,355 The last breath of a dying tree told me a secret
- 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,991 of a coin-based currency that when gifted to humans
- 00:19:50,991 --> 00:19:52,626 would make them go berserk.
- 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:55,262 It showed me a future where Deliria's stupid family
- 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,798 started using this money in their stupid city.
- 00:19:57,798 --> 00:19:59,766 Maybe it was because I was coming down from the ergot,
- 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:02,936 but they were all being weirder and dumber than usual.
- 00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:05,239 So what did they actually do with it?
- 00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:07,073 They used it to pay for things they wanted or needed.
- 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,742 But why? They already had trade.
- 00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:11,411 Did this money make them happy? - Quite the opposite.
- 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,280 It made them even more miserable.
- 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,349 Is there a lesson to be learned here?
- 00:20:15,349 --> 00:20:18,352 Uh, don't snort Dionysus' ergot?
- 00:20:18,352 --> 00:20:21,088 No, always listen to dying tree breath.
- 00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,023 Maybe we should give the humans currency.
- 00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:25,058 If my hallucinations are accurate,
- 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,794 and let's be real, they probably are,
- 00:20:26,794 --> 00:20:31,131 money could make the mortals do all sorts of horrible things.
- 00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:34,067 They might just do anything to get more of it.
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:37,871 And inevitably, it could make them all sad,
- 00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:39,372 even the ones with a lot of it.
- 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,209 Then they'll come crawling to us.
- 00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:46,113 That's more valuable than all the dead chickens!
- 00:20:47,448 --> 00:20:49,283 Is there anything else I can get for you?
- 00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,217 No, everything was terrific.
- 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,286 Here, take this for your service.
- 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:56,189 It's worth one whole chicken.
- 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:57,891 And so it begins.
- 00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,000 My life's boat.
- 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,573 - God, I love this place. - Isn't it the best?
- 00:21:12,573 --> 00:21:14,307 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
- 00:21:16,744 --> 00:21:18,311 <i>Bento.</i>
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