Тирдра — Ступендус натыкается на пещеру и приказывает монстру покинуть её, так как она находится в пределах досягаемости Крапополиса. Она обнаруживает внутри Гидру по имени Камилла и предлагает уйти, поскольку в каждом направлении находятся города. Ступендус останавливает её от самоубийства, когда Камилла отказывается сражаться с другими воинами. Остальные члены семьи Ступендус узнают, что она привела Камиллу домой, и Тираннис разрешает ей оставить её, заявляя, что она не будет за ней убирать. После того, как Камиллу видит городской глашатай, Тираннис и Ступендус помогают распространять сообщения, отрубая всё новые головы, чтобы создать новые. Вскоре Шлуб использует Камиллу для отправки анонимных сообщений, что вскоре погружает Крапополис в хаос.

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Тирдра

Tyrdra

Сезон: 01Серия: 11

Описание

Ступендус натыкается на пещеру и приказывает монстру покинуть её, так как она находится в пределах досягаемости Крапополиса. Она обнаруживает внутри Гидру по имени Камилла и предлагает уйти, поскольку в каждом направлении находятся города. Ступендус останавливает её от самоубийства, когда Камилла отказывается сражаться с другими воинами. Остальные члены семьи Ступендус узнают, что она привела Камиллу домой, и Тираннис разрешает ей оставить её, заявляя, что она не будет за ней убирать. После того, как Камиллу видит городской глашатай, Тираннис и Ступендус помогают распространять сообщения, отрубая всё новые головы, чтобы создать новые. Вскоре Шлуб использует Камиллу для отправки анонимных сообщений, что вскоре погружает Крапополис в хаос.

Субтитры

00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:09,500 Внимание, кто бы там ни был.
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:14,340 Эта пещера теперь в границах цивилизации и в ней больше нет места чудовищам.
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:18,640 Пожалуйста, выйдите из темноты, держа копыта, когти или щупальца на виду.
00:00:21,270 --> 00:00:23,850 Ну здорово. Гидра.
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:26,650 Слушай, я знаю, что ты отращиваешь головы.
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,310 Просто скажи, где у тебя сердце.
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,990 Или я начну с задницы, что будет хуже для нас обеих.
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,190 Не волнуйся, я просто уйду.
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,070 Погоди, что? В чём проблема?
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,570 Ты беременная или раненая?
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:39,410 - Я не хочу драться. - Уверена?
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:43,080 Я никогда не говорю это противникам, но знай, что у тебя есть приличный шанс.
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,370 Не, я понимаю. Люди не хотят видеть чудовищ рядом с городом.
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,000 - Я пойду на юг. - В той стороне еще больше городов.
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,050 Тогда на восток?
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:52,300 Города повсюду, да?
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,010 Да вот, понастроили мы их.
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,840 Ладно, полностью понимаю.
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,840 Спасибо за профессионализм.
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:00,010 Эй, тебе тоже.
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,180 И я это серьёзно.
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:04,060 Уверена, ты могла бы меня убить.
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,020 Хм, всё бывает в первый раз.
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,480 Классная гидра.
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,360 Эй, гидра, я не спросила твое имя.
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,610 Эй, эй, эй, какого чёрта ты творишь?
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,950 Клянусь, это не был крик о помощи.
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,410 Я думала, ты уже ушла.
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:24,160 Я предлагала убить тебя, а ты мне отказала.
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:25,200 О чём ты думала?
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,620 У нас так не принято.
00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:29,210 - У нас? - Слушай, мы обе старой закалки.
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,130 Мне тоже не нравится, к чему всё идёт.
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:33,460 Но это... Так не делается.
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,840 Это трусливо. Это не... круто.
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,300 Я не хочу быть крутой.
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:42,930 Я хочу, чтобы меня перестали ненавидеть.
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:46,350 Ладно. Ну, не плачь. Не будь слабачкой.
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,310 Ты не дала мне убить себя, только чтобы сделать мне еще хуже?
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,150 Нет, но дай мне поблажку.
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:53,230 Я впервые стала причиной чьей-то жизни.
00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,800 Помните гидру, которой мы все так боялись?
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:25,890 Я поговорил с сестрой, и ее больше нет.
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,310 Что вы на это скажете?
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:29,270 Теперь можно сделать что-то с рекой?
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,640 - Она воняет. - Конечно.
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:33,150 Но я имел в виду, что вы скажете про гидру?
00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:34,940 - Ее же больше нет? - Да.
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,480 Ваш царь всё уладил.
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,110 Тогда что насчёт вонючей реки?
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,160 Что делать, чтобы мебель не оставляла заноз?
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,370 - Поговорить с плотником. - Как скоро вы это сделаете?
00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:45,780 - Как быть отцом? - Как быть отцом?
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:46,790 Я-то тут при чём?
00:02:46,870 --> 00:02:49,580 До городов многие дети умирали раньше.
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:51,540 Теперь они вырастают и могут дать сдачи.
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,170 Вы что, не хотите жить в мире,
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:58,670 где у каждого человека есть свобода и власть над своей жизнью?
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,350 - А он прав. - Вот и хорошо.
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,640 И как нам это сделать?
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:05,600 Я дождусь благодарности?
00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:06,480 Я сделал дело!
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,560 Вам мешала гидра.
00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:10,530 Ее больше нет! Скажите, что я хороший царь.
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,990 Никто не может?
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:15,160 Я вижу руку. Давай.
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:19,530 Я не думаю, что хороший царь так сильно гнался бы за одобрением.
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:20,830 Отличное собрание, ребята.
00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:23,120 Надеюсь, дети выбьют из вас всю дурь.
00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:25,370 Может, нам всё бросить?
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,540 Я за. А что мы бросаем?
00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:28,420 - Цивилизацию. - Сейчас нельзя.
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,760 Нужно осовременивать общество, пока женщины не перестанут выбирать по физической силе.
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,050 - Ти, мы это обсуждали. - Между собой.
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,380 Мне затопить город?
00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:37,970 Нет, река воняет.
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:39,180 О, пчёлы!
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,970 Всегда хотела попробовать.
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,390 Пчёёёёлы! - Мама, стой.
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,390 Я ничего не брошу.
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,310 Просто меня не ценят.
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,980 Ну, всего парочку пчёл, можно?
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,480 Парочку пчёёёёл.
00:03:48,570 --> 00:03:50,520 Колосса, ты в порядке?
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:52,650 Ты стыдливо пихаешь еду в карманы,
00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,360 вместо того чтобы бесстыдно пихать ее в глотку.
00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:58,320 Какими мы стали внимательными, косички на бороде.
00:03:58,410 --> 00:03:59,620 А вот грубить незачем.
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:03,010 И что ни говори про косички на бороде, они всегда в моде.
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,500 Берегитесь, пара пчёл.
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:05,330 Я это сделала!
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:06,580 Убери их отсюда!
00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:08,460 Не маши руками, и они от тебя отстанут.
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,090 Ай, ай, это худший день в моей жизни.
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,590 - Ой, перестань. - Ты перестань.
00:04:12,630 --> 00:04:14,840 Мое лицо распухнет, как дыня.
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,010 От отёка поможет уксус и ивовая кора.
00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:18,390 Правда? О боже мой!
00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:19,470 - Гидра! Убей ее! - Какого?..
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,550 - Убей! - Успокойся.
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,260 Ты говорила то же о пчеле.
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:24,310 - Я разберусь. - В смысле?
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,930 - Надо отрубить голову. - Нет!
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:28,100 - Этого делать нельзя. - Не делай этого.
00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,100 Прошу прощения.
00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:30,440 Мы обе просим.
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,190 А, гидры, точно. Я это знала.
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,530 Надо отрубить все головы.
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,070 Нет, это КамИлла. Моя подруга.
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,280 О, ты дала мне имя.
00:04:38,370 --> 00:04:39,780 Ты привела гидру домой?
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:43,160 Единственное чего я достиг, и ты даже этого не сделала.
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,620 Где она?
00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:46,750 Внизу.
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,590 Как ты протащила ее сюда незаметно для всех?
00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:53,750 - Я глава безопасности. - Похоже, это не твое.
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,170 У тебя из каждой отрубленной головы вырастают две новые.
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:58,470 Это ведь неудобно?
00:04:58,510 --> 00:04:59,840 Когда их много.
00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:03,510 Но можно убирать целые ветви шей, отрубая их ближе к стволу.
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,520 О, очень любопытно.
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,640 Ты хочешь жениться на гидре?
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:12,150 Нет, но если ты ни с кем не встречаешься...
00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:13,480 Хватит. Избавься от нее.
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,360 Если город узнает, что гидра живёт здесь,
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,280 они достигнут невозможного, став еще неблагодарнее.
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,450 - Твоему папе нужны оливки. - Не лезь.
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:23,300 - Так, что? - Твои родители со мной в обеденном зале,
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:25,490 и твой папа просит принеси бочку оливок.
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:26,580 Оливки в кладовой.
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,000 Их там нет. Но постой.
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,460 Твоя мама отрезала больше голов, чтобы я осмотрелась.
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,750 Оливки на восточном балконе.
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,010 Твой папа говорит спасибо, и просто к сведению, пшеница и рис заканчиваются.
00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:39,300 А от нее есть польза.
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,090 Мы можем ее оставить?
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,430 Пожалуйста, пожалуйста, пожалуйста, пожалуйста.
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,010 Я не стану за ней убирать.
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:46,680 Ура!
00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:49,810 - Эй, КамИлла. - Да?
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,190 Спроси у сестры, что убьёт гарпию.
00:05:52,230 --> 00:05:53,650 Она говорит, лава.
00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:57,280 Хорошо, пошли кого-нибудь за ведром лавы и отмени обед с папой.
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,360 Без проблем.
00:05:58,450 --> 00:05:59,610 Назначим другое время?
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,650 Он говорит "позже".
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,660 Она и правда полезна.
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:05,530 - Для некоторых. - Она избавляет меня от многих хлопот.
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,120 Смотри. Мой сын уже женился?
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,620 - Нет. - Можешь напомнить, что я родила его не веселья ради?
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,750 - Да. - И как я без этого жила?
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,580 Она говорит, что родила тебя не...
00:06:14,630 --> 00:06:16,750 Можно проигнорировать ее так, чтобы она не узнала?
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,760 - Безусловно. - И как я без этого жил?
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,630 Кто-то стучится в ворота дворца.
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,260 Что? Кто пришёл в такую рань?
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,340 - Сейчас узнаю. - Хорошо.
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:25,970 Стой, что? Нет, КамИлла, нет!
00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:27,350 Гидра!
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,470 Он не назвался.
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,140 Я вполне уверен, что это городской глашатай.
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:33,810 Гидра! Гидра!
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,610 Гидра живёт во дворце!
00:06:35,690 --> 00:06:40,320 На площади собирается напуганная толпа. И сегодня местами облачно.
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,740 Спасибо.
00:06:44,450 --> 00:06:46,480 Успокойтесь все, пожалуйста.
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,540 Гидру не просто незачем бояться.
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:50,580 Вам понравится то, что она даёт городу.
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:53,960 Я подготовил демонстрацию с двумя головами гидры.
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,750 Гидра!
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,420 Можно нам менее паникёрского глашатая?
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,380 И можно мне добровольца?
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,260 Давр, ты наш старейшина.
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,630 Эй, меня не трожь! Мне сорок!
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,800 Просто подойди к моему брату.
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:11,270 Прошепчи мне что угодно в ту голову гидры вдали.
00:07:11,270 --> 00:07:14,020 Спасибо.
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,440 Не спеши.
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,060 Давр, это был сарказм.
00:07:18,110 --> 00:07:19,270 Ускорься.
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,450 Что?
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:28,410 О, очень умно.
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:31,620 Он сказал, "Плохой царь спрашивает "что?"
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,540 Будь я проклят, сработало!
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,870 Эту систему можно внедрить по всему городу.
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:41,210 Конечно, потребуется много планирования и координации, или...
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,460 Вжик-вжик.
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:44,550 Еще!
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,720 Или можно просто...
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,390 Я потеряла тебя. Ты меня слышишь?
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,060 Как понять, что она работает?
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,150 Говорит, я постоянно вишу на своей гидре. А я такая...
00:07:57,230 --> 00:07:58,480 Я просил три пучка...
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,610 Можете заменить?
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:03,570 - Спасибо. - Спасибо. Лучше?
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,700 Ти, я не уверена в этой идее.
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:10,410 Я уверен. Что может быть умнее, чем соединить всех глупых людей друг с другом?
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,620 Меня беспокоят не они.
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,410 Я беспокоюсь за Камиллу.
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,250 Нет, всё нормально, Колосса.
00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,370 Меня перестали ненавидеть.
00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:17,750 Быть полезной здорово.
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:19,630 Камиллу можно использовать для свиданий?
00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,840 Она скроет твой голос, лицо и тело.
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,050 Так что это твой лучший шанс.
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,510 Я о том же подумал!
00:08:25,550 --> 00:08:26,880 Я говорю с тобой по ней прямо сейчас.
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:29,720 Подожди, у меня тут разговор по другой голове.
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,390 - Камилла? - Да?
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,350 - Как там мои люди? - Они очень довольны.
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,270 - Благодаря мне? - Благодаря тебе, мне и друг другу.
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,650 Мы улучшили их жизнь.
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,230 Им нравлюсь я. И ты за то, что дал им меня.
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,440 Я им нравлюсь? Они правда так и говорят?
00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:46,950 - Постоянно. - Как часто?
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,070 Можно спросить?
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,610 Как часто я им нравлюсь?
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,240 Только сегодня утром ты нравился 331 раз.
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:57,460 О, меня ценят, такое незнакомое чувство.
00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,370 И не говори. Что еще я могу сделать?
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:01,420 Просто говори, кому я нравлюсь.
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:04,090 Ты успел понравиться еще двенадцати людям.
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,760 - А сейчас? - Девяти.
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,680 Почему он нравится людям чаще, чем я?
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,180 Он улучшил их жизнь, представив меня городу.
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,060 Да, несколько дней назад.
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,600 А я только сегодня утром показала новый ободок.
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:21,060 - Людям нравится ваш ободок. - Но меньше, чем мой сын.
00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:22,900 Они знают, что я его создала?
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,730 Он по сути ободок, который я не могу носить.
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,700 Дорогая, может быть, отпустим головы гидры
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:32,410 и повзаимодействуем по старинке, с участием пениса?
00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,580 Я хочу сделать объявление по всей гидре.
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,620 - Говорите. - Я Делирия.
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,960 Я... Стой, не отправляй это.
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,160 Чего ты хочешь?
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,830 Любви, заняться ею.
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,630 Или займись ей где-нибудь еще.
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:45,340 У меня тут кризис в разгаре.
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:49,510 Начнём божественное объявление заново. Не отправляй, пока не скажу.
00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:52,470 Делирия обращается к вам через гидру.
00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:56,220 Ох. Слишком отчаянно.
00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:02,270 Всё в порядке? Ты редко мной пользуешься.
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,940 Потому что, назойливый ты кошмар,
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:07,780 смысл жизни не в том, чтобы нравиться на словах воображаемым незнакомцам.
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,610 А в том, чтобы тебя физически ублажали настоящие незнакомцы.
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,530 Мне сказать об этом людям?
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:17,950 Нет, я не хочу, чтобы ты что-то кому-то обо мне говорила, и я не люблю конфликты.
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,200 Они помеха сексу.
00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,500 Им незачем знать, что это ты.
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:25,340 Что-что? Говоришь, я могу отправлять через тебя анонимные сообщения?
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:26,500 Да.
00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:29,300 Необычайно возбуждающая перспектива.
00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:34,310 Извини, не знала, что ты не один.
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,650 Это эксперимент.
00:10:35,690 --> 00:10:37,190 Я не осуждаю.
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,940 Я нашла кое-кого подходящего тебе.
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,150 Ее привлекает интеллект.
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,240 Так бывает?
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,690 Внешность для нее не важна.
00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:45,860 Даже самую малость?
00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:48,070 Потому что я не хочу обмануть ожидания.
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:52,200 У вас общие три цели в отношениях, но в разном порядке.
00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:55,960 - Что она говорит? - Безопасность, контроль, азатем готовность.
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,880 Странно. Что хорошего в контроле без готовности?
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,590 Думаю, в целом вы хорошая пара.
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:02,000 Ты права. Я придираюсь.
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:03,670 - Где мы встретимся? - Она живёт в лесу.
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,680 Ну здорово. Ты сводишь меня с уродливым чудовищем?
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:07,840 Она спросила о том же.
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,800 Да, я уродливое чудовище!
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:11,060 Вы сказали, внешность не важна.
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,720 Конечно, мы не могли этого не сказать.
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,230 Мы оба отвратительны.
00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:17,281 Но внешность важна для всех.
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,860 Это будет просто встреча двух мерзких чудовищ в лесу.
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,820 И мы оба скажем: Оу, ты тоже.
00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:24,280 Это будет ужасно, я не могу этого сделать.
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,280 Скажи ей забыть об этом.
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,360 Он говорит забыть.
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:27,410 Что? Что произошло?
00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,530 Он не хочет, чтобы я говорила.
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:32,540 Ясно, ладно. А вот то, что ты обязательно должна сказать ему.
00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,580 Что? Что ее так разозлило?
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:37,330 Какая мелочная реакция на то, что ее бросили.
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:38,750 Скажи, что она двойне брошена.
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,840 Она говорит, это невозможно, потому что ты ее не бросал.
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,460 И ей жаль, что ты стыдишься своего уродства.
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:45,920 Неважно. В игнор.
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:47,680 Не хочу больше ее слышать.
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,090 А что бы ты хотел услышать?
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:50,550 Так, хм...
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:55,680 Что популярно у одиноких мужчин, которые хотят быть одинокими, потому что они независимые?
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:58,980 Людям нравится слушать объявления от анонимного чудовища.
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,770 Звучит великолепно. Давай послушаем.
00:12:00,860 --> 00:12:04,900 Система гидры превратила всех в этом городе...
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:10,030 ...в капризных, эгоистичных детей, присосавшихся к ядовитой груди популярности,
00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:13,910 пока наши реальные отношения в реальной жизни в дерьме...
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,000 Как наша вонючая река. Которая, кстати, воняет, потому что все в нее испражняются.
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,750 И никто ничего с этим не сделает,
00:12:19,790 --> 00:12:24,960 потому что ваша богиня и ваш царь лучше будут слушать, как они всем нравятся, чем выполнять свою работу.
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,800 Стоп, стоп! Я не хочу это слышать.
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,670 Почему стало популярным нас ненавидеть?
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,050 Не знаю. Только не увольняй меня.
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:35,930 Думаю, люди ненавидят меня, потому что со мной им стало проще ненавидеть друг друга.
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,680 Так перестань им это позволять!
00:12:37,730 --> 00:12:39,230 Я не могу им запретить.
00:12:39,270 --> 00:12:41,520 Я стану бесполезной, и меня возненавидят сильнее.
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,940 Тебе не нужно запрещать.
00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:45,110 Просто научись оценивать ситуацию.
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:46,440 - Оценивать ситуацию? - Да.
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:51,070 Когда кто-то что-то спросит, ты спроси у себя: Зачем они это спрашивают?
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,620 И дай им ответ, который, ну, ты поняла...
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,790 - Ты хочешь, чтобы я врала? - Я так не говорил.
00:12:55,870 --> 00:12:57,040 Никто не хочет, чтоб им врали.
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,790 Все приходят к тебе из-за твоей полезности.
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:01,920 - Ты хочешь полезной? - Это всё, чего я хочу.
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,000 А люди не пользуются тем, из-за чего чувствую себя неправыми.
00:13:05,130 --> 00:13:07,300 Они хотят быть правыми. Улавливаешь?
00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:09,550 Кажется, да. Я приму твои корректировки.
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:11,550 Это верняк.
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:12,970 Мой зад не слишком большой?
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,140 Нет. Если это не именно то, чего ты хочешь.
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,140 Ты должна быть просто довольна собой.
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,180 Почему я много чего не понимаю?
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:21,770 Потому что люди слишком всё усложняют.
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:23,532 Почему у меня нет еды?
00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:26,820 Из-за тайного сговора людей у власти, которые всем управляют.
00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:28,940 Это всё объясняет.
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,080 Ты прекрасный лидер.
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,500 Ты никогда случайно не заправлял свой плащ в трусы.
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:43,790 Эта причёска тебе идёт.
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,090 - Что ты делаешь? - Наслаждаюсь популярностью.
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:50,090 - Скажи ей, Камилла. - Всем нравится он и всё, что он делает.
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,790 - Всем, включая меня? - Да.
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,680 Ты явно врёшь. Мне это не нравится.
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:55,970 Камилла, это правда?
00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:57,890 Нет, согласно моим источникам.
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,220 Мои источники - мои глаза. Выгляни с балкона.
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:03,810 Мне незачем. Для этого у меня есть Камилла.
00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:07,110 Я всегда могу вывернуть тебе голову и заставить посмотреть.
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,110 Ладно.
00:14:12,330 --> 00:14:14,290 Почему город вечно горит?
00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:16,540 Разве всё не сделано из камней?
00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:22,590 Почему никто не тушит пожары?
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:24,920 Зачем нам тушить то, что мы не поджигали.
00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:27,090 Потому что огонь - плохо.
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:29,340 - Тащите вёдра воды! - Ну нет.
00:14:29,430 --> 00:14:31,310 Это вина западного Крапополиса.
00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:33,270 В этом городе одна улица.
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:36,020 У нас не может быть восточного и западного Крапополиса.
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,690 Камилла сказала, это их вина.
00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:40,150 - Да. - Она сказала, пожар начали западные.
00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,110 - И это правда. - Камилла, ты не помогаешь.
00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:45,070 Все перестаньте вести себя как безумцы и несите воду.
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:48,280 Из реки, испорченной грязными восточными Крапополисцами?
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,450 Я не знаю, в чём дело, но это надо исправлять.
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:54,370 - Идеи, Камилла? - Что бы ты ни счёл нужным сделать, мне это подходит.
00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:58,120 Гиппо, помоги нам спасти город от Камиллы.
00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:00,000 - Без обид Камилла. - Я просто рада, что я здесь.
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:04,590 Познакомьтесь. Они разделяют мое желание положить конец издевательствам женщин над мужчинами.
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:05,880 Давай к нам.
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:08,180 - Надо мной не издеваются женщины. - Колосса.
00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:10,390 Признай, что я издеваюсь, или надеру тебе зад.
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:12,810 Ладно. Так ты поможешь нам или как?
00:15:12,890 --> 00:15:16,560 Нет. Без Камиллы мы бы ни за что не нашли анонимное чудовище.
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,020 А что в нём такого? У него большая висюлька?
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:21,980 Он раскрыл нам глаза на то, как устроен мир.
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:25,320 Оказывается, во всех наших проблемах были виноваты другие.
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,320 В основном женщины.
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,400 Не всегда.
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:30,070 - Но в основном. - Камилла, покажи ему.
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,200 Это полностью изменит твой мир.
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,580 Не знаю, зачем мы встаём с постели по утрам.
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:37,200 Мир утратил краски.
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:41,880 Мы все лишь пустые сосуды, бредущие навстречу бессмысленной смерти.
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,250 Но мы не обязаны так жить.
00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:44,920 Камилла, помолчи секунду.
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,670 Нет, если мы восстанем и убьём их всех.
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,090 Кажется, я понял, что происходит.
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:51,010 Вернём то, что было у нас украдено.
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,600 Наш смысл жизни, наш... О, привет, дети.
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,340 - Ты анонимное чудовище? - Ага. Вы меня раскусили.
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,310 С тех пор как город стал одержим гидрой,
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,230 он совсем забыл про самую важную вещь, мой пенис.
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:06,780 Меня воспитывал мой родной отец?
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:09,110 Мерзость! Не слушайте его.
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:11,030 Он не девственный мессия.
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,700 Он скорее святой покровитель оргий.
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,660 Если честно, я обязан почти всем косичкам на бороде.
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,040 Косички на бороде, конечно.
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,330 Тиран, ты устроил пожар, чтобы нравиться людям больше меня?
00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:26,590 Нет. Люди перессорились друг с другом, потому что я сказал Камилле оценивать ситуацию.
00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:27,960 Ты сказал ей врать?
00:16:28,050 --> 00:16:30,920 Нет. Ну, ладно, да.
00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:33,760 Но теперь надо сделать так, чтобы все расхотели друг друга убивать.
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:38,640 Если хочешь примирить людей, дай им то, с чем могут согласиться все.
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,890 Ты - громадное разочарование.
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,480 Сыграй на этом.
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,730 Хмм.
00:16:43,810 --> 00:16:46,570 Камилла, мне нужно, чтобы ты разнесла одну весть.
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:47,730 Пусть все услышат.
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,070 Очищал грязную воду для себя.
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,910 Вы слышали? В пожаре был виноват царь.
00:16:55,990 --> 00:17:00,540 Каждое ведро грязной воды олицетворяет то, какой царь Тиран вонючка.
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:02,160 За его скорую и мучительную смерть.
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:03,710 Смерть Тирану!
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,130 - После вас. - Спасибо.
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:08,090 Камилла, извини.
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:11,920 Если бы я так не жаждал одобрения, мы могли избежать этого бардака.
00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:13,130 Это не только твоя вина.
00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:16,220 Так тебе я еще нравлюсь? Насколько мои дела плохи?
00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:19,470 Если на то пошло, я предпочитала, когда меня любили за правдивость.
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,810 Пожалуй, в этом люди и гидры похожи.
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,810 И из-за этого ты уволена.
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,060 Но ты не обязана уходить.
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,810 Ты не просто инструмент для города.
00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:28,980 Ты моя подруга.
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:30,280 У меня никогда не было друзей.
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,280 Я могу быть тебе больше, чем другом.
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,110 Чел. Камилла, чего ты хочешь?
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,660 Думаю... Наверно...
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,740 Побыть наедине с собой.
00:17:37,830 --> 00:17:40,120 Если ты уйдёшь, ты не станешь, ну?..
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,960 Нет, я всего пару дней говорила вам то, что вы хотели услышать, и вам захотелось поубивать друг друга.
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,960 Я думала, это я ненормальная. Но вам, людям, надо серьёзно над собой поработать.
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,510 Колосса, ты знаешь, что делать.
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,550 Подрежь ее.
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:05,270 Я рад, что эта ерунда с гидрой закончилась.
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,310 Я скучал по тебе. - И я по тебе.
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,270 Тебе я всегда буду нравиться, да?
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,610 Всё так. И если позволишь, я покажу как сильно.
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,740 Можешь почаще говорить это вслух?
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:16,950 Как пожелаешь, любимая.
00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:19,450 То есть нравящаяся.
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,080 Я помогу тебе найти новый дом.
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:27,580 Я слышала, месопотамцы никак не могут взяться за ум и до сих пор бегают по лесам, как животные.
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:29,880 Везучие ублюдки.
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:36,970 Итак, гидра покинула Крапополис, и жители стали достаточно разъединёнными, чтобы быть умеренно счастливыми.
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:45,480 Через какое-то время они заметили, что отрубленные разлагающиеся головы гидры опасны для их здоровья и пугают детей.
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,770 Поэтому они собрали головы и подожгли их в центре города.
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:54,990 Дым от этого костра поднялся до небес и стал известен как рак.
00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:57,400 Не болезнь, а созвездие.
00:18:57,490 --> 00:19:02,660 Скопление звёзд в форме краба, больше похожего на лобковую вшу.
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:09,330 Оттого и случилось так, что когда царевна Аргоса дала царевичу ЛЕрны указания, как до нее добраться,
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:15,550 сказав ему следовать за очертаниями краба, царевич заблудился и был съеден плотоядными птицами.
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:18,510 Это заставило внимательнее присмотреться к созвездиям.
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:23,260 Оказалось, ни одно из них не похоже на то, в честь чего оно было названо.
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:28,480 И тогда люди воззвали к богам: "Что это за халтура с созвездиями?"
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,900 А боги ответили: "Заткнитесь, они идеальны.
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:36,150 У вас пригорает, потому что вы не видели настоящий пояс Ориона или действительно качественный ковш".
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,860 И люди сказали: "Вы ведёте себя оскорбительно.
00:19:38,950 --> 00:19:42,620 И нам кажется, любое скопление звёзд может быть в форме пояса или квадратной ложки".
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:47,000 На что боги саркастично заметили: "Тогда как по-вашему нам надо организовать звёзды?"
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,620 Тогда люди сказали: "В виде сетки с понятными обозначениями".
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:53,500 И боги сказали: "Ладно, сейчас займёмся".
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:58,380 Но так и не занялись, Потому что звёзды это солнца на расстоянии миллиардов миль.
00:19:58,470 --> 00:20:00,840 И боги их не создавали и не управляют ими.
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:04,300 И когда люди это обнаружили, они изобрели кучу вещей.
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:07,930 И со временем боги перестали властвовать над планетой.
00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:09,600 Но затем люди изобрели смартфоны.
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:12,480 Телефоны стали такими умными, что люди отупели.
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:17,110 А затем Кэрри Фишер умерла, и в тот момент всё стало просто...
00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:19,240 Извините, дайте мне минутку.
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,530 Короче, поэтому после лета идёт осень.
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,630 Я не знала, что ты ешь, и принесла по одному всего.
00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:32,260 У, это мужик?
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:35,890 Я так давно не ела мужиков.
00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:37,850 Мм, мм, мм.
00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:40,430 Я знаю, что это вредно, но как же вкусно.
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,890 - Попробуй. - Не, спасибо. Я его знала. Это будет странно.
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:47,440 Знаешь, мы так и не выяснил, кто из нас победил бы в драке.
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,820 - Тебе любопытно? - Еще бы нет.
00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:52,070 - Ты здоровенная. - Тогда сделаем это.
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,280 Я не собираюсь тебя убивать.
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,030 Но хотелось бы знать, смогла бы я при желании.
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,910 Бей в колокол.
00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:00,160 Динь, динь.
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,250 Отлично.
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:04,250 Ну держись, сейчас тебе прилетит.
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,170 Давай, давай.

00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:04,671 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,141 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,343 Attention whatever's in there.
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,279 This cave is now within the boundaries of civilization
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,381 and is no longer available to monsters.
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,183 Please emerge from the darkness
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,719 with hooves, claws, or tentacles visible.
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,155 <i>[ominous music]</i>
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,891 [groans] Oh, great. A hydra.
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,125 Look, I know all about
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,693 the whole regrowing heads thing,
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,262 so just tell me where your heart's located,
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:30,998 or I gotta go in through the butt,
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,033 and then we both lose.
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,268 Don't worry about me. I'll just go.
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,137 Wait, what? What's the problem?
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,471 You pregnant or wounded?
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,440 - I just don't wanna fight. - You sure?
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,141 I never say this to an opponent,
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,377 but you should know you've got a decent shot here.
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,478 Nah, I get it.
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,447 People don't want a monster outside their city.
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,082 I'll just head south. - There's more cities that way.
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,118 Oh, east then?
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,352 There's cities everywhere, aren't there?
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,987 It's just a thing we've been doing.
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,922 Yeah, okay, I totally get it.
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:58,892 Thanks for being so professional.
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,094 Hey, you too.
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,228 And I really mean it.
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:04,130 I bet you could've killed me.
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,033 Huh, first time for everything.
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,535 Pretty cool hydra.
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:11,405 Hey, hydra, I never got your name.
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,674 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell are you doing?
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,542 [grunts]
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,178 [both groan] - [coughs]
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:19,980 I promise, this wasn't a cry for help.
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,448 I really thought you left.
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,017 I totally offered to kill you,
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,218 and you turned me down.
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,252 What are you thinking?
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,553 This is not a thing we do.
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,256 - We? - Look, we're both old-school.
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,191 I don't love the way things are heading either,
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,527 but this is not-- this is cheating.
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,930 It's cowardly. It's not... awesome.
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,365 I don't want to be awesome.
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:42,836 I just wanna stop being hated. [weeps]
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,572 All right. Well, don't cry.
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:46,406 That's also weak.
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,108 Did you stop me from killing myself
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,376 just to make me feel worse?
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,078 No, but can you cut me some slack?
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,280 It's my first time causing someone's life.
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,650 <i>[upbeat mythical music]</i>
00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:03,623 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,877 Remember that hydra we were all so scared about?
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:25,946 I just talked to my sister, and it's gone.
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,347 What do you think about that?
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,517 Can we do something about the river now?
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,717 It smells. - Sure.
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,220 But I meant what do you think about the hydra thing?
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,021 - Isn't it gone? - Yes.
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,490 Your king took care of it.
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,191 So how about that stinky river?
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:41,228 What can you do about the slivers in my furniture?
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,430 - Talk to a carpenter. - How soon can you do that?
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,866 - How do I parent? - How do you parent?
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:46,867 Why is that up to me?
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,202 Because before cities,
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,603 most kids died smaller.
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,571 Now they're getting big enough to hit back.
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:54,208 You guys, don't you want to live in a world
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:57,077 where each human has the freedom and the power
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,712 to manage their own life?
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,314 [crowd agreeing]
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,116 - He's right about that. - Okay, then.
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,383 So how do we do that?
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,352 How do I get some gratitude?
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,220 I did a thing!
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,321 You wanted the hydra gone.
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:10,257 It's gone! Now say I'm a good king.
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,761 Nobody can say it?
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:14,928 I see a hand raised. Go.
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,597 I just don't think a good king
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,299 is gonna be this motivated by validation.
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,600 Great city meeting, guys.
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,869 I hope your kids beat the crap out of you.
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,038 What if we all just quit?
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,273 Well, I'm in. What are we quitting?
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,309 - Civilization. - We can't quit now.
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,410 We have to modernize society
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,513 until women stop selecting for physical prowess.
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,815 Ty, we talked about this. - [quietly] Privately.
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,150 Shall I flood the city?
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,717 No, the river's too stinky.
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:38,953 Oh, bees!
00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:40,755 I've always wanted to try bees.
00:03:40,855 --> 00:03:42,156 Beeees! - Mom, stop.
00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:43,157 I'm not actually quitting.
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:45,058 I'm just feeling unappreciated.
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,760 Well, let me just do a couple of bees.
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,262 Just a couple of beeees.
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,130 Stupendous, are you all right?
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,433 You're shoving food shamefully into your pockets
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,102 instead of shamelessly down your throat.
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,005 So we're noticing stuff now, beard braids.
00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,372 There's no need to get nasty
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,609 and no hope of belittling the beard braids.
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,244 They're iconic. - Look out, a couple of bees.
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,212 [bees buzzing] - I did it.
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,213 Get them out of here!
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,215 Stop flailing, and they'll leave you alone.
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,818 Ow, ow, ow, this is the worst day of my life.
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,352 - Oh, stop. - You stop.
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,488 My face is gonna swell up like a melon.
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,790 You can reduce that with vinegar and willow bark.
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,158 Is that true? Oh, my God!
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,226 Hydra! Kill it! - What the?
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,327 - Kill it! - Calm down.
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,029 You said that about the bee.
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,065 - I've got this. - What do you mean?
00:04:24,065 --> 00:04:25,699 You have to cut off the head. both: No.
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,834 - That's what you don't do. - That's not what you do.
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:28,869 I am so sorry.
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,170 We're both sorry.
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,940 Ooh, hydras, right. I know this.
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,274 You have to cut off all the heads.
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,811 No, this is Camille. They're my friend.
00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:38,045 Aww, you named me.
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,413 You brought the hydra home?
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,115 The one thing I actually accomplished,
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,849 and you didn't even do it for me.
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,384 Where is it?
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,486 Downstairs.
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,622 Whoa.
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,258 How did you get this in here without anyone knowing?
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,527 - I'm head of security. - You seem bad at it.
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,296 So you grow two branching necks
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,964 out of every severed neck.
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,232 Does that not get cumbersome?
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,500 Well, after a while.
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,935 But you can prune entire subtrees of neck
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,236 by cutting closer to the trunk.
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,273 Oh, that's really interesting.
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,375 Are you going to marry the hydra?
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,778 No, but if you're not seeing anybody--
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,213 Enough. Get rid of her.
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,115 If this city finds out the hydra is living here,
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,316 they will accomplish the impossible
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,051 by becoming less grateful.
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,054 - Your dad needs olives. - Stay out of this.
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,688 And what? - Your parents are still
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,557 in the dining room with me, and your dad wants to know
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,258 if you can bring up a barrel of olives.
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,360 There's olives in the pantry.
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,629 Mm, there aren't. But hold on.
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,498 I had your mom cut off some more heads
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,165 so I can look around.
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,534 You've got olives on the east balcony.
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,268 Your dad says thank you, and just so you know,
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,770 you're low on wheat and rice.
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,039 Well, that seems useful.
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,641 Can we keep it, please?
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,176 Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,745 I'm not cleaning up her dumps.
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,413 Yay!
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,549 - Hey, Camille? - Yes?
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,952 Ask my sister what kills a harpy.
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,253 She says lava rock.
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,255 Okay, send someone for a bucket of that,
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,057 and cancel my lunch with Dad.
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,125 No problem.
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,527 Can we reschedule?
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,427 He says maybe later.
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,429 This thing really is quite useful.
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,998 - For some people. - She certainly
00:06:03,998 --> 00:06:05,165 saves me a lot of work.
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,167 Watch. Is my son married yet?
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,302 - No. - Could you remind him
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,370 that I didn't give birth to him for the fun of it?
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,505 - Yes. - How did I live without this?
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,308 She says she didn't give birth--
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:16,510 Is it possible to ignore her messages without her knowing?
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,512 Absolutely. How did I live without this?
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,047 [knock at door] - Someone's knocking
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,281 on the palace's front door.
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,017 What? Who comes here this early?
00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:24,117 - I'll find out. - Okay.
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,752 Wait, what? No, Camille, no!
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,121 <i>Hydra!</i>
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:28,255 They didn't say who they were.
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,924 I'm pretty sure it was the town crier.
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,527 <i>Hydra! Hydra!</i>
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,362 <i>The hydra is living in the palace!</i>
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,998 There's a terrified mob forming in the town square,
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,100 and it's partly cloudy.
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,468 Thank you.
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,206 If everyone would please calm down.
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,275 Not only is the hydra nothing to fear,
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,344 you're going to like what she offers the city.
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:53,714 I've prepared a demonstration using two hydra heads.
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,282 Hydra!
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:58,185 Can we please get a less alarmist town crier?
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,153 And can I also get a volunteer?
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,022 Davros, you're the town elder.
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,391 Hey, leave me out of this! I'm 40!
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,560 Just go down there by my brother.
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,998 Whisper any message for me into that remote hydra head.
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,800 Thank you.
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,170 Take your time.
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:17,804 Davros, that's sarcasm.
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:19,005 Pick up the pace.
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,176 [whispers indistinctly]
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,212 - [whispers indistinctly] - What?
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,982 - [whispers indistinctly] - Oh, that's very clever.
00:07:27,982 --> 00:07:31,351 [sighs] He said, "A bad king says what?"
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,320 I'll be damned. It works!
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,556 This is a system we could implement citywide.
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,925 Obviously, it will take a great deal of planning
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:40,994 and coordination or--
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,229 Chop, chop.
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,164 - Oh. - Again!
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,434 Or we could just-- [swords shinging]
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,437 [crowd conversing quietly]
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,039 I think I lost you. Can you hear me?
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,807 Is it on? How do I know when it's on?
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,910 Said I spend too much time on my hydra, and I'm all like--
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,244 I asked for three looms of--
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,280 - Can't you replace it? - [cries]
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,317 - Thank you. - Thanks. Better?
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,452 Ty, I don't think this is a good idea.
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,320 I do. What could be smarter
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,190 than connecting every stupid person to each other?
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,358 I'm not worried about them.
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,193 I'm worried about Camille.
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,995 No, no, it's okay, Stupendous.
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,163 People don't hate me now.
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,498 I like being useful.
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,399 You think you could use Camille for dating?
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,601 Well, it hides your voice, face, and body,
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,804 so it's the best shot you'll ever get.
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,105 That's what I was thinkin'!
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,640 I'm talking to you on it right now.
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,442 Can you hold on? I got someone on the other head.
00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:33,047 - Camille? - Yes?
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:35,115 - How are my people doing? - Very happy.
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,883 - Because of me? - Because of you,
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,018 me, and each other.
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,419 We've improved their lives.
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,755 They like me, and they like you for providing me.
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:45,159 They actually said that? They used the word "like"?
00:08:45,159 --> 00:08:46,726 - Constantly. - How often?
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:47,861 Is that a crazy question?
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,329 How often are they liking me?
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:53,033 This morning alone, you've gotten 331 likes.
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,204 Oh my, appreciation, so foreign.
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,106 Tell me about it. What else can I do for you?
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,140 Just the likes.
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,141 Hit me with the likes.
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,843 You've gotten 12 likes since the last update.
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,113 Oh, oh, ho-ho.
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,514 - Now how many? - Nine.
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,283 Why is he consistently getting more likes than me?
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,919 He improved their lives by presenting me to the city.
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,554 Yes, but that was days ago,
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,358 and I just unveiled a new headband this morning.
00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:19,660 - People like your headband. - But they like it less
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,828 than my son.
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,496 Do they know I created him?
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:25,499 He's essentially just a headband I can't wear.
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:28,435 Darling, what say we recoil the hydra heads
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,838 and do some old-fashioned interfacing,
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,139 penis-style?
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,274 I want to make a hydra-wide announcement.
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,376 - Go ahead. - I am Deliria.
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,712 I am--wait, don't send that yet.
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,913 What do you want?
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,581 Love, the making of it.
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,383 Well, go and make it somewhere else.
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,086 I'm in the middle of a crisis.
00:09:45,086 --> 00:09:47,020 All right, restart divine announcement,
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,256 but don't send until I say so.
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,226 Deliria here, coming at you on the hydra.
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:55,996 Ugh, too desperate.
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:59,332 <i>[pensive music]</i>
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,002 Everything all right? You don't use me very much.
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,503 Because, you invasive nightmare,
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,006 the point of life isn't to be verbally liked
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,408 by imaginary strangers.
00:10:07,408 --> 00:10:10,378 It's to be physically pleasured by actual strangers.
00:10:10,378 --> 00:10:12,279 Would you like me to tell people that?
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,515 No, I don't want you to tell anyone
00:10:14,515 --> 00:10:17,718 anything about me, and I don't enjoy conflict.
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,019 It results in less sex.
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,053 They don't have to know it's you.
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,823 What's that now? You're saying I can use you
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,092 to send anonymous messages?
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,259 - Yes. - Mm.
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,062 A strangely titillating prospect.
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,768 Ooh, sorry, I didn't know you had company.
00:10:33,768 --> 00:10:35,069 This is an experiment.
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:36,403 I am not judging.
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,405 I found someone that seems compatible with you.
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,607 Her biggest turn-on is intelligence.
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:41,675 That's a thing?
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,143 Looks aren't important to her.
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,312 Are they a little important?
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,547 Because I don't wanna overpromise here.
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,284 You both share the same three relationship goals
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:51,651 but not in the same order.
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,253 - What did she say? - Safety,
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,422 control, and then preparedness.
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,325 That's weird. What good is unprepared control?
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,060 I think overall, it's a match.
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,194 You're right. I'm being picky.
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,130 Where does she wanna meet? - She lives in the forest.
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,899 Oh, great. Are you hooking me up
00:11:04,899 --> 00:11:06,133 with a hideous monster?
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,300 She asked the same thing.
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,269 I am a hideous monster!
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,504 You both said looks don't matter.
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,174 Of course we did. We had to say that.
00:11:13,174 --> 00:11:14,674 We're both disgusting.
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,411 But looks matter to everyone, and this is just gonna be
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,312 two gross monsters meeting in a forest
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,148 and going, "Oh, you too."
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,718 And it's gonna be awful, and I can't do it.
00:11:23,718 --> 00:11:24,719 Tell her forget it.
00:11:24,719 --> 00:11:25,819 He says forget it.
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,087 What? What happened there?
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:27,988 He doesn't want me to tell you.
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,157 Okay, all right. Well, here's some things
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,992 you can definitely tell him.
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,027 What? Where does she get off?
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,830 What a petty way to react to being dumped.
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:37,964 Tell her she's double dumped.
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,268 She says that's impossible because you never dumped her.
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,904 And she's sorry you're ashamed of being ugly.
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,339 Whatever. Mute.
00:11:45,339 --> 00:11:47,107 Never wanna hear from her again.
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,542 And what would you like to hear?
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:49,876 Okay, mm.
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,245 What's popular with single men
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:55,149 who choose to be single, the independent sort?
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,850 People are enjoying announcements
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,319 from Anonymous Monster.
00:11:58,319 --> 00:12:00,220 That sounds fantastic. Let's hear it.
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556 [clears throat] This entire hydra system
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,358 has turned everyone in this city--
00:12:04,358 --> 00:12:06,426 <i>[Shlub's voice] Into whiny, selfish, children</i>
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,496 <i>slurping at Mama Popularity's poison boobies</i>
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,266 <i>while our real relationships and our real lives</i>
00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:13,400 <i>turn as crappy...</i>
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,802 [Camille's voice] As our stinky river,
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,137 which, by the way, stinks
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,438 because you all poop in it.
00:12:17,438 --> 00:12:19,206 And nothing's ever going to be done about it
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,508 because your only goddess and your only king
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,244 would rather be told they're liked
00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:24,444 than to do their jobs.
00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:26,246 Stop, stop it! I don't wanna hear that.
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,148 Why is it getting popular to hate us now?
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,484 I don't know. Please don't fire me.
00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:32,252 I think people are maybe resenting me
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,887 because I'm making it easier
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,189 for them to resent each other.
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,124 So stop doing that! Stop allowing it!
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,625 I can't disallow things.
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,995 Then I'm not useful. Then they'll hate me more!
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,395 You don't have to disallow things.
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,565 You just have to read the room, you know?
00:12:44,565 --> 00:12:46,066 - Read the room? - Yes.
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,267 When someone asks you something,
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:50,504 maybe ask yourself, "Why are they probably asking this?"
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:53,073 And give them an answer that, you know--
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,142 - You want me to lie? - I never said that.
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:56,477 Nobody wants to be lied to.
00:12:56,477 --> 00:12:59,179 Everybody's coming to you for usefulness.
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,348 Don't you like being useful? - It's all I want.
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:04,451 Well, people don't use things that make them feel wrong.
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:06,754 They want to feel right. You follow me?
00:13:06,754 --> 00:13:07,888 I think I get it.
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:08,989 I can make those adjustments.
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,991 It's foolproof.
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,326 Is my ass too big?
00:13:12,426 --> 00:13:14,628 Not at all, unless that's what you're going for.
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,596 You should just feel good about yourself.
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,666 Uh, how come I don't understand stuff?
00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:21,234 Because people make everything too complicated.
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,504 - Why don't I have any food? - There's a secret cabal
00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:26,273 of powerful people who control everything.
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,375 That makes total sense.
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,612 <i>[serene music]</i>
00:13:31,612 --> 00:13:34,581 [crows]
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,518 You're a wonderful leader.
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,888 You've never accidentally tucked your cape
00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:41,989 into your underpants.
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,257 That haircut looks great on you.
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,527 - What are you doing? - Enjoying my popularity.
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,262 Tell her, Camille. - Everyone likes him
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,563 and everything that he does.
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,199 - Doesn't everyone include me? - Yep.
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:54,168 Then you know that's BS, because I don't.
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,402 Camille, is that true?
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,104 Not according to my sources.
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,673 My sources are my eye. Look out the balcony.
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:03,243 I don't need to. That's what I have Camille for.
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,547 I can always twist your head around and make ya look.
00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:07,547 Fine.
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,150 [gasps, yelps]
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,418 [people screaming]
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,286 Why is this place always on fire?
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,689 Isn't everything made out of rocks?
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,661 Why is nobody putting out the fire?
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,098 Why would we put out a fire we didn't start?
00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:26,267 Because fire, bad.
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,468 Go get buckets of water! - No way.
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,470 This is all West Krapopolis' fault.
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,406 The city barely has one street.
00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:35,176 We literally cannot have an East or West Krapopolis.
00:14:35,176 --> 00:14:36,844 Camille told us this was their fault.
00:14:36,844 --> 00:14:37,978 - It is. - She told us
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,279 the Westerners started it.
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,281 - Also true. - Camille, you're not helping.
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,017 Everyone, you need to stop being insane
00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:44,218 and go get some water.
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,454 From the river those filthy East Krapopolites ruined?
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,623 I don't know what this is, but we need to fix it.
00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,625 Any ideas, Camille? - Whatever you think
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,627 we should do sounds good to me.
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:54,662 [groans]
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:57,264 Hippo, we need your help to save the city from Camille.
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,166 No offense, Camille. - Just glad to be here.
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,168 Meet the people who share my interest
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:04,004 in putting an end to women bullying men.
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,038 You should join us. - [scoffs]
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,274 I don't get bullied by women. - Stupendous.
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,543 Admit I bully you or I kick your ass.
00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:11,979 Okay, fine. So are you gonna help us or what?
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,280 No. Without Camille,
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,649 we never would have found Anonymous Monster.
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:18,185 What's so great about him? Got a big ding-dong?
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,353 He's opened our eyes
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,122 to how the world really works.
00:15:21,122 --> 00:15:22,989 Turns out all our problems
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,457 were someone else's fault.
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:25,726 Mostly women.
00:15:25,726 --> 00:15:26,594 Not always.
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:29,230 - But mostly. - Camille, show him, bro.
00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:32,366 This is gonna totally change your world.
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,735 I don't know why we even get out of bed in the morning.
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:36,336 <i>[Shlub echoing]</i> The world has lost its color.
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,539 We are all merely empty vessels
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,008 trudging our way towards a meaningless death.
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,409 But we don't have to accept this.
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,911 Camille, be quiet for a second.
00:15:43,911 --> 00:15:45,813 <i>Not if we rise up and kill them all.</i>
00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:48,015 I think I might know what this is.
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,150 Take back what was stolen from us,
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,753 our purpose, our--oh, hey kids.
00:15:52,753 --> 00:15:55,456 - You're Anonymous Monster? - Yep. You caught me.
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:58,459 Ever since this city became obsessed with the hydra,
00:15:58,459 --> 00:16:02,396 it's completely forgotten what matters most, my penis.
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:05,933 I've been parented by my actual father?
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:08,135 Gross! Don't listen to him.
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,171 He's not a virgin messiah.
00:16:10,171 --> 00:16:12,639 He's more like the patron saint of orgies.
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,810 If I'm honest, the beard braids do most of the work.
00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:18,178 Beard braids, of course.
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,147 Tyrannis, did you start this fire just to get people
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,181 to like you more than me?
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,350 No, the people have all turned on one another
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,753 because I told Camille to read the room.
00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:27,121 You told her to lie?
00:16:27,121 --> 00:16:30,090 No. Well, yes, fine.
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,425 But now I need to find a way to get everyone
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:32,793 to stop wanting to kill each other.
00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:34,260 If you really want to get the people
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,130 on the same page, give them something
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:37,798 everyone can agree on.
00:16:37,798 --> 00:16:40,067 You're a tremendous disappointment.
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,635 Lean into that.
00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:42,870 Huh.
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,137 Camille, I'm gonna need you
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,706 to take a message to everyone.
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:46,873 Make it viral.
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,943 [hydras chattering]
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,212 Filtered poo water for himself.
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,081 Did you hear? This fire was actually the king's fault.
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,684 Each bucket of poo water we throw
00:16:56,684 --> 00:16:59,720 represents how much we think King Tyrannis stinks.
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:01,255 To his early and painful death.
00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:02,889 Death to Tyrannis!
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,259 After you. - Thank you.
00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:07,227 Camille, I'm sorry.
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,263 If I wasn't so desperate for approval,
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:11,098 maybe we could have avoided this mess.
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,332 It's not all your fault.
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,369 So you do still like me? What is my damage?
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:17,070 When it came down to it, I did prefer
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,605 being liked to being truthful.
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,841 I guess that's something hydras and humans
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:21,876 have in common.
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,977 It's also why you're fired.
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:25,212 But you don't have to leave.
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,947 You're not just a tool for the city.
00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:28,148 You're also my friend.
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,449 I've never had a friend before.
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,418 You can have one more with benefits.
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,155 Dude. Camille, what do you want?
00:17:34,155 --> 00:17:35,823 - I think-- - Maybe--
00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:36,890 Some time on my own.
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,125 If you go, you're not gonna,
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,259 you know...
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,061 No, all it took was a couple days
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:41,962 of telling you what you wanted--
00:17:41,962 --> 00:17:44,131 To make you all wanna kill each other.
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,399 I thought I was messed up, but humans,
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,102 you guys got work to do on you.
00:17:48,102 --> 00:17:50,637 Stupendous, you know what to do.
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:51,671 Prune her.
00:17:54,742 --> 00:17:57,878 [groans]
00:17:57,878 --> 00:17:58,979 [hydra chatter fades]
00:17:58,979 --> 00:18:01,114 - Huh? Oh. - Whoa.
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,417 I'm so glad we're done with this hydra nonsense.
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,453 I've missed you. - And I you.
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,422 You'll always like me, won't you?
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,792 Indeed, and if you let me, I'll show you how much.
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:14,861 Could you also say it out loud a lot?
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,129 As you wish, my love.
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,598 I mean, my like.
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,268 I'll help you find a new home.
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:24,138 I hear the Mesopotamians cannot get it together,
00:18:24,138 --> 00:18:26,740 still running around in the woods like animals.
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:29,042 Lucky bastards.
00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:31,478 <i>And so the hydra left Krapopolis,</i>
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,980 <i>and the citizens remained disconnected enough</i>
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,116 <i>to be reasonably happy.</i>
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,718 <i>After a while, they noticed</i>
00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:40,588 <i>that all of the hydra's severed decomposing heads</i>
00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:42,255 <i>were putting their health at risk</i>
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,525 <i>and unsettling their children,</i>
00:18:44,525 --> 00:18:47,561 <i>so they gathered the heads and set them on fire</i>
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,762 <i>in the center of town.</i>
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:51,532 <i>The smoke from that fire rose to the heavens</i>
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:54,167 <i>where it became known as Cancer,</i>
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,370 <i>not the disease, the constellation,</i>
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:59,306 <i>a group of stars shaped like a crab,</i>
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,809 <i>not the seafood, the pubic lice.</i>
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:04,878 <i>And so it was that when the princess of Argos gave</i>
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:08,382 <i>the Lernaean prince directions to her evening quarters</i>
00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:10,851 <i>and told him to follow the crab shape,</i>
00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:14,688 <i>the prince became lost and was eaten by carnivorous birds,</i>
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:17,657 <i>triggering an evaluation of constellations in general,</i>
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,327 <i>none of which, it turns out, look remotely like</i>
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,429 <i>the things they're supposed to look like.</i>
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:25,366 <i>And so the humans cried out to the gods,</i>
00:19:25,366 --> 00:19:27,668 <i>"What is with these sloppy-ass constellations?"</i>
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,037 <i>And the gods said, "Shut up. They're perfect.</i>
00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:32,106 <i>"You're just butt-hurt because you've never seen</i>
00:19:32,106 --> 00:19:33,340 <i>"Orion's actual belt</i>
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,476 <i>or a really high-quality dipper."</i>
00:19:35,476 --> 00:19:36,477 <i>And the humans said,</i>
00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:38,045 <i>"We think you're being defensive,</i>
00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:39,379 <i>"and we think any group of stars</i>
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,782 <i>can be shaped like a belt or a square spoon."</i>
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,550 <i>And the gods said sarcastically,</i>
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,153 <i>"Well, how would you like us to arrange the stars?"</i>
00:19:46,153 --> 00:19:48,122 <i>And the humans said, "In a grid pattern</i>
00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:49,589 <i>with distinct labels."</i>
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,659 <i>And the gods said, "Okay, we'll get right on that."</i>
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,563 <i>But they never did, because stars are just suns</i>
00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:57,464 <i>that are, like, a billion miles away,</i>
00:19:57,464 --> 00:20:00,000 <i>and the gods didn't create or control them.</i>
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,069 <i>And when mankind discovered this,</i>
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:03,437 <i>they invented a bunch of things</i>
00:20:03,437 --> 00:20:05,305 <i>and eventually replaced the gods</i>
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,074 <i>as rulers of the planet.</i>
00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:08,742 <i>But then they invented smartphones.</i>
00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:11,645 <i>And the phones were so smart, the people got stupid.</i>
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,749 <i>And then Carrie Fisher died, and at that point,</i>
00:20:14,749 --> 00:20:16,283 <i>it all just sort of--</i>
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,251 <i>I'm sorry, I need a moment.</i>
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:21,655 <i>[sighs] Anyway, that's why fall comes after summer.</i>
00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:27,294 I wasn't sure what ya eat,
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:28,495 so I brought ya one of everything.
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:31,131 [meat squelches] - Ooh, is that man?
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:34,735 I haven't eaten man in so long.
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,603 Mmm, mmm, mmm.
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,272 I know, it's unhealthy, but it's so delicious, right?
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,642 Try some. - No, thanks. I knew him.
00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:42,742 It'd be weird.
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,411 You know, we never did figure out
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,313 who would win in a fight between us.
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,482 - You still curious? - Hard not to be.
00:20:48,482 --> 00:20:50,918 You're pretty big. - Then let's do it.
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:53,120 I mean, I'm not gonna kill you or anything,
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,856 but I would like to know that I could if I wanted.
00:20:55,856 --> 00:20:57,758 Ring that bell.
00:20:57,758 --> 00:20:59,026 Ding, ding.
00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:01,128 [laughs] Looking good.
00:21:01,128 --> 00:21:03,130 Watch out now. You don't want any of this.
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,032 [laughs] Come on, come on.
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:07,034 [both grunt]
00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:09,569 <i>[victorious music]</i>
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,171 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,442 Bento.

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