Загрузка
00:00
/
21:38
12 сердитых козопасов
12 Angry Goat Herders
Сезон: 01Серия: 05
Описание
Когда Шлуба обвиняют в поедании коз фермеров, Тираннис изобретает судебную систему, в которой Шлуба представляет Тираннис, а фермеров — Бренда Сфинкс. Тем временем Гиппокамп подвергается пренебрежению со стороны Делирии, которая не позволяет ему называть её матерью, и создает систему орошения для Киллассаса, где тот принимает псевдоним бога. Делирия узнает об этом от Гермеса и начинает с ним соперничать.
Субтитры
- 00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:04,450 Ну и ну. Что вы слышали об Эдипе?
- 00:00:04,490 --> 00:00:07,280 - Не знаю о таком. - Сейчас узнаешь.
- 00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:08,290 Стоп, чего?
- 00:00:08,410 --> 00:00:10,080 Полное безумие, да?
- 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,870 Ох, Эдип, Эдип, Эдип.
- 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,500 Не рассказывай.
- 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:14,330 Это ерунда.
- 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,460 Если бы я ослеп, то тоже часто врезался бы в мать.
- 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,500 Ты читаешь с конца.
- 00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:23,050 А! Эдип, шаловливый ты первопроходец.
- 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:26,260 Едва ли. Вся верхняя половина моего семейного древа такая.
- 00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:28,260 Колосса? Инцест, убийство?
- 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:30,020 Не, мне знакома эта история.
- 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,060 Отстойно быть Эдипом.
- 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,010 Отстойно быть родителями Эдипа!
- 00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:34,190 - Да. - Да, да.
- 00:00:34,270 --> 00:00:36,270 Знаете что? Я недостаточно часто это говорю.
- 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,570 Мы относительно здоровая семья.
- 00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:41,610 Я веду себя, словно вы обуза. И так и есть.
- 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:45,030 Но я должен ценить свою ситуацию такой, какая она есть:
- 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,780 несколько лучше, чем у Эдипа.
- 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:48,120 Как мило.
- 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,540 Все козы в городе были частично съедены,
- 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:52,540 след крови тянется до ворот дворца,
- 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:56,420 и люди идут с факелами требовать убить вашего отца!
- 00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:58,380 Лучше бы я был Эдипом.
- 00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:02,010 И не мечтай, жеребец.
- 00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:30,740 - Папа, ты съел коз? - Конечно нет.
- 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,410 Я бы это запомнил. Козы удивительны.
- 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:37,670 У них на головах есть удобные ручки, и можно просто...
- 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:40,290 Когда тебя спросят, сократи свой ответ до "нет".
- 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:41,550 Хочешь, побью их?
- 00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:44,170 Всех? Во всём городе?
- 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,170 Это вызов?
- 00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:48,510 Если ты побьёшь всех, кем я буду править?
- 00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:50,970 - Притихшими людьми? - Нет.
- 00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:52,890 Разгневанную толпу питает страх и насилие.
- 00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:56,060 Умный лидер разгонит ее спокойствием и храбростью.
- 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:59,020 Так мне встать позади тебя или перед тобой?
- 00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,980 А можно я буду на твоих плечах?
- 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:03,860 Разгневанная толпа! Разгневанная толпа!
- 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,440 Все успокойтесь!
- 00:02:05,530 --> 00:02:07,700 Мы не хотим! Мы разгневанная толпа!
- 00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:09,610 Вы не будете ей, если успокойтесь.
- 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:11,990 Какая удобная логика!
- 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,160 Да!
- 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,450 Мой отец не убивал ваших коз.
- 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,790 Хотя бы погасите факелы.
- 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,210 Это глупо. Сейчас день.
- 00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:21,250 Если будешь пренебрежительно относиться к нашему гневу,
- 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,090 не удивляйся нашему решению быть толпой!
- 00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:29,430 - Ребята, нет, мы можем просто поговорить? - С моими козами никто не говорил.
- 00:02:29,510 --> 00:02:31,430 - Да! - А может, и говорил.
- 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,180 - Но это не помогло. - Да!
- 00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:34,560 Суть в том, что наши козы мертвы.
- 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,810 - Да! - Это объяснение было излишним.
- 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,347 - Ох. - Ты что, еще будешь меня учить?
- 00:02:39,347 --> 00:02:41,690 - Да! - Наш город - отстой.
- 00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:44,520 Они даже не могут убить одного убийцу вместе.
- 00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:47,820 Послушайте, я создам систему,
- 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:51,530 в которой вы, народ, будете отвечать за правосудие.
- 00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:53,950 Назовём ее системой правосудия.
- 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,500 Не хочу говорить за всю толпу,
- 00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:59,250 но я готов согласиться, потому что факел тяжёлый!
- 00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:00,580 Да!
- 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,750 - Пронесло. - Да.
- 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,420 Еще чуть-чуть и ты бы безвольно уступил
- 00:03:07,510 --> 00:03:09,760 сборищу оленей, которых я легко могла убить.
- 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:10,800 Ты не понимаешь.
- 00:03:10,970 --> 00:03:12,800 Если народ отвечает за правосудие,
- 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:15,470 им придётся согласиться, кто виновен или невиновен.
- 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,350 Они не могут договориться ни о чём.
- 00:03:17,390 --> 00:03:19,850 Я буду говорить кругами, пока папе не сойдёт с рук убийство.
- 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:23,900 Ты же не ожидаешь, что я стану тобой за это восхищаться?
- 00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:39,370 Я сейчас с ума сойду.
- 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,000 Что ты делаешь?
- 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,420 Это называется наука, мама.
- 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,630 Не называй меня мамой.
- 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:48,000 Этим словом пытаются манипулировать мои настоящие дети.
- 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,170 От них я это терплю.
- 00:03:49,170 --> 00:03:50,590 Но не от тебя.
- 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,180 Так в чём смысл этой твоей науки?
- 00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:55,140 С ней можно делать удивительные вещи.
- 00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:56,760 Например, дать людям воду.
- 00:03:56,810 --> 00:03:58,100 Вот так?
- 00:03:58,180 --> 00:03:59,930 Это тоже впечатляюще.
- 00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,020 Не правда ли?
- 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,980 Это называется могуществом.
- 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,520 Поэтому у меня есть храм, и смертные мне поклоняются.
- 00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,440 И поэтому приёмные дети-полурыбы не должны портить мне день,
- 00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:11,190 который до этого вполне неплохо проходил в опьянении.
- 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,530 Могущество. Понял.
- 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:14,870 Перед тем как ты уйдёшь, можешь?..
- 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,700 Изобрети зонтик.
- 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,040 По-тихому.
- 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,080 Папа?
- 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,210 Папа?
- 00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:24,290 - Хватай его. - Брось, старик.
- 00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,460 Когда ты в последний раз пролезал через окно?
- 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,210 Я не ухожу через окно.
- 00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:31,050 Я забирал свою травку.
- 00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:32,340 Я ухожу с крыши.
- 00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:34,340 Зачем уходить? Я тебя оправдаю.
- 00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:37,260 Сынок, тебе сколько, тридцать? А мне несколько тысяч.
- 00:04:37,350 --> 00:04:39,640 У чудовищ и людей всегда одно и то же.
- 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:42,270 Я тихо-мирно живу среди вас, затем случается что-то жуткое,
- 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:45,060 вы хватаетесь за факелы, и папочка сваливает.
- 00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,560 - Всего хорошего. - У меня есть план.
- 00:04:46,610 --> 00:04:48,060 Я уже убедил людей.
- 00:04:48,190 --> 00:04:49,650 Поэтому они и разошлись.
- 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:53,490 Ты должен положить мою голову на плаху, чтобы спасти свою.
- 00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:55,280 Когда ты так говоришь, это звучит плохо.
- 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,530 Ладно, а как звучит это?
- 00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,280 Я поставлю свою травку на крышу...
- 00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:00,870 Ты не сбежишь.
- 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:03,580 Оставишь мне травку, или это тоже против закона?
- 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,330 Никто не запретит твою травку, папа.
- 00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:07,170 Я тиран, но не сумасшедший.
- 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,500 Итак, вот как всё устроено.
- 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:17,750 Мы заменяем огромную разгневанную толпу маленькой, сидящей, думающей толпой.
- 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:18,750 Это вы, ребята.
- 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:23,920 Вы вынесете решение о виновности или невиновности, выслушав обе стороны.
- 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,970 - Вопрос. - Это не твоя работа, но задавай.
- 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:29,470 Почему тебе можно быть царём и защищать убийцу?
- 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,170 - Это какая-то фигня. - Фигня? Есть такое слово?
- 00:05:32,170 --> 00:05:33,770 Так здесь тоже ты главный?
- 00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:36,390 Ну да, это и правда фигня.
- 00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:38,690 Ладно, ладно. Это не царский суд.
- 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:41,070 Это отдельный суд, законный суд.
- 00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:42,360 Здесь нет царя.
- 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,650 Тогда кто главный?
- 00:05:43,740 --> 00:05:45,360 Ну, у нас нет... Ладно.
- 00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:47,910 Кто старше всех в городе?
- 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:51,120 Что? Я не участвую в этой новомодной ерунде.
- 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,330 Мне сорок!
- 00:05:52,370 --> 00:05:55,040 Тебе не нужно ничего делать. Просто сиди и будь старым.
- 00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:56,080 Просто сделай это.
- 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,250 - Заставь его. - Эй! У меня нет на это времени!
- 00:05:59,340 --> 00:06:01,210 Я могу умереть в любой момент!
- 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:03,340 Мне сорок лет!
- 00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:04,630 Что это?
- 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,470 Его оставил плотник.
- 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:08,470 Он не имеет никакого отношения к...
- 00:06:08,510 --> 00:06:10,180 - Мы можем начать? Я... - Что?
- 00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:12,020 В смысле что? Ты стучишь молотком.
- 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,520 Когда захочу? Да, вот именно.
- 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,980 Ладно, мне нравится эта работа.
- 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:19,440 В отличие от вашей музыки эта работа мне нравится.
- 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,230 - Продолжай. - Ладно, я...
- 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,730 Извини, что не так с нашей музыкой?
- 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,406 Люди просто стучат в барабаны.
- 00:06:25,406 --> 00:06:28,620 Нам в ваши годы приходилось эти барабаны делать.
- 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,160 Ты на пять лет старше нас.
- 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:34,080 Ваше поколение всё сводит к цифрам.
- 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:40,780 Виноват! Зато это будет отличная история.
- 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:42,150 Это редко случается.
- 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,530 Когда я трезвый.
- 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,910 Ой, это уже слишком.
- 00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,030 В самый раз.
- 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,620 Можно еще немного.
- 00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:53,580 Как ты, Герм-гермс?
- 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,210 Бегаю и веселюсь.
- 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,000 Рассказываю о том, что слышал.
- 00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,210 Кстати, жаль слышать, что ты потеряла столько поклонников.
- 00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:01,960 - О чём ты? - Ах да.
- 00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:05,760 Ты наверно не слышала, потому что другие боги обсуждали это за твоей спиной.
- 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,300 Убивайцы поклоняются новому богу.
- 00:07:08,350 --> 00:07:10,430 Убивайцы? Это мой город.
- 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,770 Они молятся мне.
- 00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:13,680 Как зовут этого нового бога?
- 00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:15,600 НАтан? НаУм?
- 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:16,850 Наука?
- 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,310 Ты его знаешь? Представь меня.
- 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,690 Или просто превратись в ворона и улети.
- 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,070 Стерва.
- 00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,200 Где парень-рыба?
- 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,920 Чем мы заслужили такую честь?
- 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,040 Игры кончились.
- 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,920 Верни мне моих убивайцев.
- 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,000 Извини, но нет.
- 00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:43,970 Мне показалось, что ты сказал "нет".
- 00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:48,010 Но этого не может быть, ведь это приведёт к твоей немедленной смерти.
- 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,600 Убивайцы, будете поклоняться Делирии, если она убьёт меня?
- 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,020 Нет! Слава науке!
- 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,140 Чтобы быть могущественным, не нужно быть богом.
- 00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:57,600 Нужно просто создать бога.
- 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,190 Слава науке!
- 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:03,900 Моя жизнь, может, и бесконечна, но не мое терпение.
- 00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:05,610 Тебе плевать жив я или мёртв,
- 00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:08,740 но моему папе - нет. И ты его любишь.
- 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,070 Ла-ла-ла.
- 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,120 Так что тебе пора прийти в ярость
- 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,450 и придумать загадочную причину уйти.
- 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,040 Я этого не потерплю,
- 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:20,290 потому что я спешу заниматься любовь с луной.
- 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,380 Наука требует, чтобы я искупался.
- 00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,880 Что будет веселее с другом.
- 00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:29,220 Отлично!
- 00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:34,310 Не знаю, поможет ли это.
- 00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:38,310 Но в зависимости от того, когда этих коз убили, я мог мастурбировать дома.
- 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,110 На самом деле это мало зависит от того, когда их убили.
- 00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:43,900 Ты делал это перед толпой надёжных свидетелей?
- 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,030 Ну что ты, сын.
- 00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:46,490 Мне уже не сто лет.
- 00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:50,450 Папа, при моей новой системе ты имеешь право ничего не говорить.
- 00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:52,030 Воспользуйся этим правом.
- 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,120 Если я буду молчать, я не покажусь виновным?
- 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,450 Не настолько, как если ты будешь что-то говорить.
- 00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,620 У меня есть трагедия.
- 00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:02,380 Я хочу убедить всех, что тебя обвинили только потому, что ты чудовище.
- 00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:04,670 Извините, что опоздала.
- 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,510 Я шла, а не летела.
- 00:09:06,550 --> 00:09:08,800 Этому городу ни к чему лишняя паника.
- 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,260 Извини меня!
- 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,970 Сфинкс не может просто взять и зайти к нам.
- 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,451 Этого сфинкса зовут БрЕнда,
- 00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:18,730 и я представляю владельцев коз в деле против твоего отца.
- 00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:22,100 Теперь ты не выставишь нас противниками чудовищ.
- 00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,230 Бренда, почему? Ты не такая.
- 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,690 - Ты любишь загадки. - Я любила одну.
- 00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:29,200 Ее разгадали, и нам всем нужно что-то есть.
- 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,910 Должным образом, в нормальных количествах,
- 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:33,570 с разрешения людей.
- 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,000 Все перестаньте быть шумными и молодыми!
- 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,830 У тебя была запасная стратегия?
- 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,500 Была, но она по сути сводилась к двойной ставке на первую стратегию.
- 00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:48,920 Как торговец гончарными изделиями, ты видел много историй,
- 00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:51,970 нарисованных на вазах, горшках и чашах, верно?
- 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:54,760 Конечно, поэтому я и занялся керамикой.
- 00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:55,890 Я торчу от новостей.
- 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,850 И сколько ты видел ваз, где чудовища изображены невинными созданиями?
- 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,140 - Ноль. - Тебя это смешит.
- 00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:06,730 Ну, смешно представлять вазу, на которой чудовище кому-то помогает.
- 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,440 Никто бы этого не хотел.
- 00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:12,280 "Никто бы этого не хотел".
- 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,450 Эксперт твой.
- 00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:14,870 Спасибо.
- 00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:17,450 Ты хранишь старые изделия?
- 00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:20,160 Ну, чем ваза старше, тем меньше ее ценность.
- 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:23,460 Но я храню архив историй, которые кажутся важными.
- 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,380 Да? В нём найдётся что-то познавательное для суда?
- 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,550 Ну, между прочим, я нашёл кое-что интересное.
- 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,840 Этой чаше несколько веков.
- 00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,090 Мы не знаем, из какого она региона.
- 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:37,260 Но здесь видно чудовище, похожее на обвиняемого.
- 00:10:37,310 --> 00:10:40,720 А это, похоже, человеческие младенцы.
- 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:44,770 А это, стало быть, обвиняемый, поедающий младенцев.
- 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:45,900 О нет.
- 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:48,610 А, это было в МесопотАмии.
- 00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:49,690 Или в ШумЕре.
- 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:50,900 Я их вечно путаю.
- 00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:55,360 Но одно наверняка: я с тех пор набрал вес.
- 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,790 Почему ты не сказал мне, что провёл часть жизни, поедая младенцев?
- 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,080 Меня судят за поедание коз.
- 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,670 Это к делу не относилось.
- 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:08,000 Не хочу отходить от темы, но какие они на вкус?
- 00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:09,300 Не отвечай!
- 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:12,010 Слушай, тысячу лет назад племя людей
- 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,470 держало меня в заточении в яме.
- 00:11:14,510 --> 00:11:17,720 Они не кормили меня ничем, кроме своих врагов.
- 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,810 Кто враждует с младенцами?
- 00:11:19,890 --> 00:11:22,180 Знаешь ли, ценностям людей свойственно меняться.
- 00:11:22,230 --> 00:11:27,230 Они всегда начинают с "избавимся от плохих людей" и всегда почему-то заканчивают ямой с младенцами.
- 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,940 Дорогая, ты вернулась. Я соскучился.
- 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,610 - Что ты делаешь? - Упс.
- 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:34,070 Многое теряешь, кем бы ты ни была.
- 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,280 Мне всё равно, что ты делал с этой распутной птицей.
- 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,820 У меня есть к тебе маленькая просьба.
- 00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:40,870 - Что угодно, любимая. - Убей своего сына.
- 00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:44,370 Ладно, но поскольку он меня защищает, это может стать проблемой.
- 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,830 Не нашего сына, своего сына.
- 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,630 Я бы сама, но ты знаешь правила.
- 00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:49,880 Ты породил, ты и убивай.
- 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,050 Никто никого не убьёт.
- 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:54,090 Что Гиппокамп такого сделал? За что его убивать?
- 00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:56,760 Он отнял у меня моих убивайцев.
- 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,720 И что? Ты ничего не сделала, чтобы заслужить их поклонение.
- 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:02,560 Если поклонение заслуженное, это уже не поклонение.
- 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,270 Если бы мне приходилось что-то делать, чтобы что-то получить, я была бы одной из вас.
- 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:11,650 Если люди восхваляют тебя и ничего за это не получают, не логично ли, что они могут перестать?
- 00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:13,190 Конечно. Ты прав.
- 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,030 Мне не нужно убивать твоего брата.
- 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,860 Я просто подкуплю всех дарами,
- 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,200 чтобы они забыли о дурацкой науке.
- 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,820 Я говорил не совсем об этом.
- 00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:23,040 Я получила, что хотела. Я тебя не слушаю.
- 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,910 Вернёмся к тому, что действительно важно.
- 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,080 Папа, я проиграю это дело, и ты умрёшь.
- 00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:32,710 Я знаю, что законы только изобрели, но твой папа должен нарушить парочку, чтобы выжить.
- 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:33,710 Она права.
- 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:34,960 Я скажу, что ты сбежал.
- 00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:37,590 Можешь немного меня растерзать и потоптать?
- 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,840 Так, чтобы не было больно.
- 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,140 Я не могу сбежать сейчас.
- 00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,680 Твой народ убьёт меня.
- 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,100 Тебя убьют, если останешься.
- 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,930 Но по закону, спасибо тебе.
- 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:49,440 Пожалуйста?
- 00:12:51,110 --> 00:12:53,860 Кто-то в вашем городе убил коз, люди.
- 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,860 И кто-то в вашем городе ел младенцев.
- 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,860 Это не то чтобы загадка.
- 00:12:58,910 --> 00:13:00,740 Мне ли не знать. Я Сфинкс.
- 00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:01,950 Хотите услышать загадку?
- 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,530 О боже. Сейчас начнётся.
- 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:07,580 Кто ходит утром на четырёх ногах, днём - на двух, а вечером - на трёх?
- 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,670 Человек. В младенческом возрасте он ползает, а в старости опирается на трость.
- 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,040 Спасибо.
- 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:15,090 - Хорошая загадка. - Впечатляюще.
- 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,840 Я не стану ничего говорить о загадке, она не имеет отношения к суду.
- 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,720 К тому же она так себе.
- 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:21,640 Нам понравилось.
- 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,470 Она явно популярна, поэтому я ее не критикую.
- 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,730 Но как же раздражает, когда популярны дурацкие вещи.
- 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:29,100 - Ну брось. - Ты спятил.
- 00:13:29,190 --> 00:13:31,270 Мы судим не загадку сфинкса, молодой человек.
- 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,940 Нет, не судим. И никогда не судили.
- 00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,110 А возможно, стоило бы.
- 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,150 Идём дальше.
- 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,360 Извините. Не идём дальше.
- 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,780 Я хочу знать, почему моя загадка дурацкая.
- 00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:41,910 Зря я это сказал.
- 00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:44,950 Это было грубо, я извиняюсь.
- 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,040 Я просто думаю, что хорошая загадка -
- 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,200 это решаемая лингвистическая задача.
- 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:51,750 Например, что можно трогать, но нельзя видеть?
- 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,580 Сердце.
- 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,380 Мы можем просто признать его отца виновным?
- 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,710 Ты не хочешь услышать его заключительную речь?
- 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,050 Это трата времени.
- 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,090 Да, ведь его время такое важное.
- 00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:04,448 Ты опаздываешь на свадьбу с переоценённой загадкой?
- 00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:11,190 Убивайцы, Делирия вернулась.
- 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:14,440 И вам понравился то, что я с собой принесла.
- 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,940 Атмосферу отчаяния?
- 00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:20,070 За тысячи лет на этой планете я научилась многому.
- 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:24,370 Но в первую очередь тому, как вознаграждать своим поклонников.
- 00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,580 Так что не благодарите.
- 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,870 У-у, мёд.
- 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,870 Ням, ням, ням.
- 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,170 Взятка? Это не ниже твоего достоинства?
- 00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:35,170 - Нет, если сработает. - Не сработает.
- 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,670 Можешь предлагать им любые дары, но они их не примут.
- 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,090 Задоубивец, скажешь ей почему?
- 00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:42,720 Наука раскрыла нам глаза на удивительные новшества.
- 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,470 Чего стоят одни только бани. Да, приятель?
- 00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:46,680 Не говори об этом при всех.
- 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,470 Идиоты, вы правда верите в эту чушь?
- 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,140 Я богиня. Я реальна.
- 00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,980 Это называется вера, мачеха.
- 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,150 И она намного больше, чем ты.
- 00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,530 Но больше ли она, чем сандалии?
- 00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,320 Лопаты? Дойные коровы?
- 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,110 Горы волос?
- 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,740 Слава науке!
- 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,450 Поговорим?
- 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,120 Чего ты хочешь?
- 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,830 Чтобы ты позволила звать тебя мамой.
- 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,120 Что? Почему?
- 00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:15,790 - Это важно? - Нет.
- 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,580 Потому что этому не бывать.
- 00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:21,050 Именно поэтому это единственное, на что я соглашусь.
- 00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:23,130 Ты же знаешь, это не будет ничего значить.
- 00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:25,050 Ты не заставишь меня любить тебя.
- 00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:28,010 Мне не нужна твоя любовь. Я хочу могущества.
- 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:32,430 Каждый раз, когда я буду называть тебя мамой, будет напоминанием, что я победил тебя.
- 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,600 И это бесценно.
- 00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:39,060 Я странным образом впечатлена твоей бесчувственной расчётливостью.
- 00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,650 - Как я и думал. - Ладно.
- 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:45,900 Поскольку ты жаждешь могущества и проявил себя достойным соперником, я это позволю.
- 00:15:45,990 --> 00:15:48,070 Знаю, что позволишь, мам.
- 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,030 Ух, это словно ножом по ушам.
- 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,200 А теперь мы можем наконец уйти из этой пыльной дыры?
- 00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:57,210 Безусловно. Я соскучился по своей постели и лаборатории.
- 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,170 Плюс, сколько бы воды у них ни было,
- 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,920 эти люди пахнут как полумёртвые ондатры.
- 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,720 Слава науке или типа того.
- 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,510 Снюхаемся позже!
- 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,850 Что ты будешь делать с потерянными поклонниками?
- 00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:11,050 Я не слишком переживаю.
- 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:13,100 Есть чувство, что они ко мне вернуться.
- 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:16,600 Я не знаю, что людям нравится, зато знаю, что не нравится:
- 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,440 саранча!
- 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:27,350 И если жизнь, являющуюся чередой дней, представить как один день,
- 00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:31,140 твоя точка зрения будет такой далёкой, что трость покажется ногой.
- 00:16:31,230 --> 00:16:34,810 Так что это не просто мешанина метафор, это самая лучшая загадка.
- 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,270 И теперь я понимаю, почему она нравится людям.
- 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,400 Довольны?
- 00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,070 Ладно, можешь начинать заключительную речь.
- 00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:44,110 Но ей лучше быть хорошей.
- 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,280 Факт: ваших коз съели.
- 00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:50,740 Факт: мой папа...
- 00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,540 Ел младенцев.
- 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,870 Хватит говорить всем, что ты ел младенцев!
- 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,920 Вообще замолчи.
- 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,750 Всё, что ты говоришь...
- 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,590 Правда.
- 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:09,220 Мой папа никогда в жизни не лгал.
- 00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:11,140 Уж я-то знаю.
- 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,600 Я всю жизнь хотел бы, чтобы он это делал.
- 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:18,520 А еще я всю жизнь постоянно лгал о нём.
- 00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:22,070 Я говорил людям, что у меня нет отца.
- 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,360 Я стыдился его,
- 00:17:24,450 --> 00:17:26,110 потому что у него нет стыда.
- 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,320 Это правда.
- 00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:29,620 Мы хотим быть хорошими.
- 00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:33,040 Мы хотим исправить всё плохое.
- 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,910 Знаете, кто еще этого хотел?
- 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,580 Эти ребята.
- 00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:39,250 Они бросали детей чудовищу в пасть.
- 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,290 Как так вышло?
- 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,880 Спроси мы у них, они бы ответили,
- 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,380 или сказали бы, "Всё было иначе.
- 00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:48,180 Всё не так однозначно.
- 00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:49,390 Дети были крупнее.
- 00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,390 Это были очень опасные дети.
- 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,180 Это надо было видеть. Поверьте мне"?
- 00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:55,980 Но я им не доверяю.
- 00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,890 Они слишком люди.
- 00:17:57,980 --> 00:17:59,650 Они хотят как лучше.
- 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,650 Но они хотят слишком многого.
- 00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:05,190 И лгут слишком часто.
- 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,990 Есть ли причины не давать ему сидеть с детьми?
- 00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,570 Да.
- 00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:13,200 Есть ли причины не слушать его советы по ухаживанию? Да.
- 00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:16,290 Когда смотришь на него, слушаешь его, когда он делает что угодно,
- 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:18,870 есть ли причины испытывать отвращение?
- 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,670 Возможно.
- 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:23,700 Но причин не доверять ему нет.
- 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,170 Он никогда не притворялся, что он лучше, чем он есть.
- 00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,970 Это делаю я. И вы.
- 00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,720 И эти ребята.
- 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:36,850 Поэтому люди должны быть особо осторожны с правосудием.
- 00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:38,270 Мы слишком в нём хороши.
- 00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:41,520 И слишком часто слишком ошибаемся.
- 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,320 Этот мужик ел младенцев.
- 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,780 Но он не ел ваших коз. Спасибо.
- 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,200 - Угу. - Очень впечатляюще.
- 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,570 Я скажу вам, что произошло.
- 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:54,370 Один из этих младенцев выжил и стал моим предком.
- 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:59,210 Я последний потомок ребёнка, которому удалось уцелеть.
- 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:02,750 Сынок, это дело о поедании коз.
- 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:03,920 Нет, идиоты!
- 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,000 Весь смысл убийства коз
- 00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:09,590 был в том, чтобы вы поняли, что приютили злобного зверя!
- 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,930 Стой, хочешь сказать, это ты убил коз?
- 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:13,930 Смотрите! Козы!
- 00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:17,220 Бежим за ним!
- 00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:18,270 Ловите его!
- 00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:20,310 Мы признаём чудовище невиновным.
- 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:21,940 - Берите факелы! - Да!
- 00:19:24,690 --> 00:19:27,280 Давай за ним.
- 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,990 С правосудием закончено. Молоток я оставлю себе.
- 00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:31,280 Спасибо, сын.
- 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,450 Пожалуйста, евший младенцев старый ублюдок.
- 00:19:34,730 --> 00:19:36,110 Давайте!
- 00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:37,650 Бейте его!
- 00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:39,240 Да!
- 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,610 Разве им можно это делать?
- 00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:42,530 Разве теперь не у всех есть права?
- 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:44,620 Да, у всех, кроме того парня.
- 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,700 - Это тоже победа. - Поздравляю.
- 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,000 Я чувствовала, что ты невиновен.
- 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,460 Ты серьёзно? Тогда какого чёрта, Бренда?
- 00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:51,870 - Почему? - Я была голодна.
- 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,090 И мне предложили много козьих трупов.
- 00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:57,340 - Эй, король Тиран, кто мудак утром... - Да, ладно.
- 00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:58,670 - И вечером тоже? - Мы поняли.
- 00:19:58,760 --> 00:19:59,920 - Ты. - Да ну?
- 00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,550 Никто бы не смог догадаться.
- 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,220 Кто не слышит мудака, улетая и хлопая крыльями?
- 00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:06,850 Бренда, сфинкс в законе!
- 00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,850 - Оу! - Ё-моё!
- 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:12,940 Вы это видели?
- 00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:15,610 Сфинкс пролетал у самого города.
- 00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,690 - Мама ее сбила! - Мама, нет!
- 00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,990 Он такой же мой ребёнок, как и вы двое.
- 00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,280 Нет, мы не об этом.
- 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,570 Это была... Э, мы ее знали.
- 00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:25,580 Возможно, она еще жива.
- 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,490 Она издавала звуки, когда падала.
- 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:30,580 Не слишком хорошие звуки, но издавала.
- 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,580 Мне сходить за ней?
- 00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:35,840 Нет, мы все сходим за ней вместе.
- 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,760 Значит, мне придётся идти за ней медленно.
- 00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:43,680 Ох.
- 00:20:46,850 --> 00:20:48,680 Дорогая, ты когда-нибудь задумывалась,
- 00:20:48,770 --> 00:20:51,640 как тебе повезло, что тебе не нужно умываться самой?
- 00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:56,110 Не нужно вылизывать подмышками, под коленями, под крыльями и под хвостом.
- 00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:58,110 Нет, никогда.
- 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:09,540 Ты закончил?
- 00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:12,540 Теперь нужно начинать заново.
- 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:16,080 Не странно ли, что то, что казалось тебе в возлюбленном милым,
- 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:19,590 со временем превращается для тебя в вечную пытку?
- 00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:22,050 Мне нравится мысль о вечной любви.
- 00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:24,130 Тогда прекрати это.
- 00:21:28,060 --> 00:21:29,720 Мне тоже нравится.
- 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,242 Oh, man. What do you guys know about this Oedipus guy?
- 00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:07,147 - Never heard of him. - Well, you're about to.
- 00:00:07,147 --> 00:00:08,150 Wait, what?
- 00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:09,954 How insane is that?
- 00:00:09,954 --> 00:00:11,724 Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus.
- 00:00:11,724 --> 00:00:13,360 Don't spoil it.
- 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,195 This is nothing.
- 00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,297 If I lost my eyesight,
- 00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:17,334 I'd bump into my mother a lot too.
- 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,372 both: You're reading it backwards.
- 00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:22,913 Ah! Oedipus, you naughty pioneer.
- 00:00:22,913 --> 00:00:24,281 Hardly pioneering.
- 00:00:24,281 --> 00:00:26,152 This is the top half of my family tree.
- 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,157 Stupendous? Incest, murder?
- 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:29,894 Nah, I know the story.
- 00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:30,962 Sucks to be Oedipus.
- 00:00:30,962 --> 00:00:32,900 Sucks to be Oedipus' parents!
- 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,101 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
- 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,138 You know what, guys? I don't say this enough.
- 00:00:36,138 --> 00:00:38,544 We're a relatively healthy family.
- 00:00:38,544 --> 00:00:39,546 all: Aww. - I act like
- 00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,382 you guys are a burden, and you are,
- 00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:44,923 but I need to appreciate my situation for what it is:
- 00:00:44,923 --> 00:00:46,960 somewhat better than Oedipus.
- 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,029 - Aww. - How nice.
- 00:00:48,129 --> 00:00:50,433 Every goat in the city has been partially eaten,
- 00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:52,438 leaving a trail of blood to the palace gates,
- 00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,242 and the people are coming with torches
- 00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:56,312 to demand your father be killed!
- 00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:58,317 Maybe I'd rather be Oedipus.
- 00:00:58,317 --> 00:01:01,857 Not a chance, stud.
- 00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:30,615 - Dad, did you eat those goats? - Of course not.
- 00:01:30,615 --> 00:01:33,353 I'd remember if I did. Goats are amazing.
- 00:01:33,353 --> 00:01:35,457 They have those little handles on their heads
- 00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:37,628 so you can just...
- 00:01:37,628 --> 00:01:40,266 Next time someone asks, shorten that to "no."
- 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,503 You want me to beat 'em up?
- 00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:44,108 Everyone? In the entire city?
- 00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:45,110 Is that a challenge?
- 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:47,181 If you beat everyone up,
- 00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:48,450 what am I the king of?
- 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,889 - Quieter people? - No.
- 00:01:50,889 --> 00:01:52,859 Angry mobs feed on fear and violence.
- 00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:56,265 A smart leader dispels it with calmness and courage.
- 00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:57,234 So you want me standing
- 00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,005 right behind you or right in front of you?
- 00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:00,942 Is me on your shoulders too much?
- 00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:03,848 crowd: Angry mob! Angry mob!
- 00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:05,450 Everybody, calm down!
- 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,589 We don't wanna calm down! We're an angry mob!
- 00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,626 You won't be if you calm down.
- 00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,997 Well, isn't that convenient logic?
- 00:02:11,997 --> 00:02:13,166 crowd: Yeah!
- 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,404 My father did not kill your goats.
- 00:02:15,404 --> 00:02:17,074 Can you at least put out the torches?
- 00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:18,210 They're silly. It's daytime.
- 00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:21,249 Look, if you're gonna be this dismissive of our anger,
- 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:24,021 don't act shocked by our decision to be a mob!
- 00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:26,794 You guys, I'm not dismissing you.
- 00:02:26,794 --> 00:02:29,432 Can we just talk? - Nobody talked to my goats.
- 00:02:29,432 --> 00:02:31,436 crowd: Yeah! - Or maybe they did.
- 00:02:31,537 --> 00:02:33,206 But it didn't help! crowd: Yeah!
- 00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:34,577 My point is, our goats are dead.
- 00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:36,814 crowd: Yeah! - You're overexplaining it.
- 00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,149 crowd: Oh. - What are you,
- 00:02:38,149 --> 00:02:40,020 my angry mob mentor? crowd: Yes!
- 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,723 Man, our city sucks.
- 00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:44,529 They can't even kill one murderer together.
- 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,836 Everybody, I'm going to create a system
- 00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:51,544 by which you, the people, are in charge of justice.
- 00:02:51,544 --> 00:02:54,115 We'll call it "a justice system."
- 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,486 I don't wanna speak for the whole mob,
- 00:02:56,486 --> 00:02:59,291 but I'm willing to indulge you because this torch is heavy!
- 00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:00,561 crowd: Yeah!
- 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,736 - That was close. - Yeah.
- 00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:07,474 For a moment there, you almost spinelessly pandered
- 00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:10,047 to a bunch of dingholes I could've easily killed.
- 00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:10,882 You don't get it.
- 00:03:11,015 --> 00:03:12,853 If the people are in charge of justice,
- 00:03:12,853 --> 00:03:15,524 they'll have to agree on who's guilty or innocent.
- 00:03:15,524 --> 00:03:17,327 Those people can't agree on anything,
- 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,531 so I'll just talk in circles
- 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,767 until Dad gets away with murder.
- 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,941 You don't seriously expect me to admire you for this, do you?
- 00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:39,439 Ugh, unbelievable.
- 00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:41,075 What are you doing?
- 00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,512 It's called science, Mom.
- 00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:44,716 Don't ever call me Mom.
- 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:47,021 That's a word my actual children try
- 00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:48,089 and use to leverage me.
- 00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,258 I tolerate it from them.
- 00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:50,695 I won't from you.
- 00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:53,300 Now what is the point of this science?
- 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,203 We can use it to do amazing things,
- 00:03:55,203 --> 00:03:56,840 like give people water.
- 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,142 Like this?
- 00:03:58,142 --> 00:04:00,013 That's also impressive.
- 00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:01,116 Isn't it just?
- 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,819 It's called being powerful.
- 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,625 It's why I have a temple and why mortals worship me
- 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:08,564 and why half-fish stepchildren should know better than to ruin
- 00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:11,302 what was previously a pretty solid day drunk.
- 00:04:11,302 --> 00:04:12,639 Powerful. Got it.
- 00:04:12,639 --> 00:04:14,977 Um, before you go, could you--
- 00:04:14,977 --> 00:04:16,813 Invent an umbrella.
- 00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:19,152 Quietly.
- 00:04:19,152 --> 00:04:20,220 <i>Dad?</i>
- 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,358 Dad?
- 00:04:22,358 --> 00:04:24,428 - Okay, grab him. - Come on, old man.
- 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,566 When's the last time you fit through any window?
- 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,338 I am not leaving through the window.
- 00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,075 I was grabbing my weed.
- 00:04:31,075 --> 00:04:32,445 I'm leaving from the roof.
- 00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:34,449 Why leave? I'm going to exonerate you.
- 00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:37,388 My boy, you're what, 30? I'm thousands.
- 00:04:37,388 --> 00:04:39,592 This is how it works with monsters and humans.
- 00:04:39,592 --> 00:04:42,398 I chill among you a while, then something creepy happens,
- 00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:45,204 you kids grab the torches, and Daddy bones out.
- 00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:46,707 It's been real. - I have a plan.
- 00:04:46,707 --> 00:04:48,309 I already sold the people on it.
- 00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:49,813 It's why they disbanded.
- 00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:53,654 You need me to put my head on the block to save yours.
- 00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,424 Well, it sounds bad when you say it.
- 00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:56,660 All right, well, how's this sound?
- 00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:59,398 I'm gonna put my weed plant up on the roof--
- 00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:01,035 Flight risk.
- 00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,237 Can I hang on to my weed,
- 00:05:02,237 --> 00:05:03,675 or is there a law against that too?
- 00:05:03,675 --> 00:05:05,476 Your weed will always be legal, Dad.
- 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:07,648 I'm a tyrant, not a crazy person.
- 00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,460 Okay, here's how it's going to work.
- 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,497 We're replacing the large angry mob
- 00:05:15,497 --> 00:05:17,935 with a smaller, seated, thoughtful mob.
- 00:05:17,935 --> 00:05:18,737 That's you guys.
- 00:05:18,837 --> 00:05:20,440 You'll decide on guilt or innocence
- 00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:23,847 after hearing all information from both sides.
- 00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,952 - Question. - Not your job, but go ahead.
- 00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:29,459 How are you allowed to be king and defend the killer?
- 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,928 It seems janky. - Janky?
- 00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:33,768 That's a word now? - Are you ruling over that too?
- 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,337 - Uh-huh! - I mean, it really does
- 00:05:35,337 --> 00:05:37,341 seem janky. - Okay, okay.
- 00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,678 This is not part of the royal court.
- 00:05:38,678 --> 00:05:41,082 This is a separate court, a legal court,
- 00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:42,351 where there is no king.
- 00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:43,654 So who's in charge?
- 00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,357 Well, we don't really--okay.
- 00:05:45,357 --> 00:05:47,896 Who is the oldest person in the city?
- 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:51,136 What? I don't wanna be involved in this hipster crap.
- 00:05:51,136 --> 00:05:52,338 I'm 40!
- 00:05:52,338 --> 00:05:53,574 You don't even have to do anything
- 00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:55,043 but sit there and be old.
- 00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:56,078 Just do it.
- 00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:57,749 Make him do it. - Hey!
- 00:05:57,749 --> 00:05:59,285 I don't have time for this!
- 00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:01,222 I could die any moment!
- 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,359 I'm 40 years old!
- 00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:04,663 Uh, what's this?
- 00:06:04,663 --> 00:06:06,499 That was left there by a carpenter
- 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,470 and clearly has nothing to do with any...
- 00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:09,973 If we could get started, I'd-- - What?
- 00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:12,011 What do you mean "what"? You're banging a hammer--
- 00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:14,550 When I feel like it? That's what I thought.
- 00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:15,985 Okay, I'm into this job.
- 00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:19,458 I'm not into your music, but I'm into this job.
- 00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:21,195 Proceed. - All right. I'm--
- 00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:22,765 I'm sorry. What's wrong with our music?
- 00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:25,905 It's a bunch of people banging on drums.
- 00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:28,644 When I was your age, we had to make the drums.
- 00:06:28,644 --> 00:06:30,046 You're five years older than us.
- 00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:34,121 Everything's a number to your generation.
- 00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:37,629 Aah!
- 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:38,964 My bad!
- 00:06:38,964 --> 00:06:40,467 You've got a great story now, though.
- 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,803 Almost never happens.
- 00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:43,173 When I'm sober.
- 00:06:43,173 --> 00:06:44,576 You're too much.
- 00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:45,678 I'm just enough.
- 00:06:45,678 --> 00:06:47,281 I could use a little more.
- 00:06:50,889 --> 00:06:53,226 How are you, Herm-Herms?
- 00:06:53,226 --> 00:06:54,729 Just runnin' and funnin'.
- 00:06:54,729 --> 00:06:56,666 Spreadin' words of stuff I heard.
- 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,436 Speaking of which, so sorry to hear
- 00:06:58,436 --> 00:06:59,906 about all those lost worshippers.
- 00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:01,643 - What do you mean? - Oh, right.
- 00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:03,479 You probably haven't heard because all the other gods
- 00:07:03,479 --> 00:07:05,450 have been talking about it behind your back.
- 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:06,553 The Killassians,
- 00:07:06,553 --> 00:07:07,989 they're worshipping some new god.
- 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:10,126 The Killassians? Well, that's my city.
- 00:07:10,126 --> 00:07:11,462 They pray to me.
- 00:07:11,462 --> 00:07:13,399 What's the name of this new god?
- 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,269 Simon? Séance?
- 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,540 Is it Science?
- 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:17,976 You know him? Introduce me.
- 00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:20,380 Or you could just turn into a crow and blow me off.
- 00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:21,750 Bitch.
- 00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:33,039 Where is the fish boy?
- 00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:35,612 To what do we owe the honor?
- 00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,747 Playtime is over.
- 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,651 Give me back my Killassians.
- 00:07:38,651 --> 00:07:40,722 I'm sorry, but no.
- 00:07:40,722 --> 00:07:43,594 It sounded like you said "no,"
- 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,030 but that can't be right
- 00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:47,802 because it would result in your immediate death.
- 00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:48,737 Killassians,
- 00:07:48,737 --> 00:07:51,342 will you worship Deliria if she kills me?
- 00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:53,714 No! Hail Science!
- 00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,818 Turns out, you don't have to be a god to be powerful.
- 00:07:55,818 --> 00:07:57,321 You just have to create one.
- 00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:58,924 Hail Science!
- 00:07:58,924 --> 00:08:03,633 My life may be infinite, but my patience is not.
- 00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,337 You may not care if I live or die,
- 00:08:05,337 --> 00:08:08,476 but my dad does, and you love him.
- 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,846 La la la.
- 00:08:09,846 --> 00:08:11,884 So I guess it's time for you to become outraged
- 00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:14,221 and fake a mysterious reason to leave.
- 00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:15,791 I won't tolerate this
- 00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:20,066 because I'm late to make love to the moon.
- 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:24,141 Science demands I take a bath,
- 00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:26,613 which is more fun with a friend.
- 00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:28,984 All right!
- 00:08:32,759 --> 00:08:34,061 I don't know if this is helpful,
- 00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:36,031 but depending on when those goats were killed,
- 00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:38,102 I may have been at home masturbating.
- 00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:40,808 It actually depends very little on when they were killed.
- 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,681 Was it in front of a crowd of reputable witnesses?
- 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:44,783 Bless your heart, son.
- 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:46,285 I'm not 100 anymore.
- 00:08:46,285 --> 00:08:47,888 Dad, under my new system,
- 00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:50,226 you have the right to say nothing.
- 00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:51,830 I'd like you to do that.
- 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,901 If I say nothing, won't I look guilty?
- 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,238 Not as much as if you say anything.
- 00:08:56,238 --> 00:08:57,341 I've got a strategy.
- 00:08:57,341 --> 00:08:58,476 I'm going to convince everyone
- 00:08:58,476 --> 00:08:59,612 you were accused
- 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:02,150 simply because you are a monster.
- 00:09:03,353 --> 00:09:04,455 Sorry I'm late.
- 00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:06,192 I walked instead of flying.
- 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,597 Last thing this city needs is more panic.
- 00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:09,932 Excuse me!
- 00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:12,772 We can't just have a sphinx wandering around.
- 00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:16,011 The sphinx's name is Brenda, and I'm here
- 00:09:16,011 --> 00:09:18,416 to represent the goat farmers against your father.
- 00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,857 Now you can't make us look anti-monster.
- 00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:24,061 Brenda, why? This isn't who you are.
- 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,365 You love riddles. - I loved one.
- 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:29,004 It got solved, and we all have to eat,
- 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:31,710 appropriately, in normal quantities,
- 00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,413 with human permission.
- 00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:37,822 Everyone, stop being loud and young!
- 00:09:37,822 --> 00:09:39,659 Did you have a backup strategy?
- 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,730 I did, but it was basically
- 00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:44,334 to double down on the first one.
- 00:09:45,938 --> 00:09:48,777 As a trader of pottery, you've seen a lot of stories
- 00:09:48,777 --> 00:09:51,816 painted on a lot of vases, pots, and bowls, correct?
- 00:09:51,816 --> 00:09:54,589 Well, of course. That's why I got into ceramics.
- 00:09:54,589 --> 00:09:55,757 I'm a news junkie.
- 00:09:55,757 --> 00:09:57,629 And how many vases have you seen
- 00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:59,732 depicting monsters as innocent creatures?
- 00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:02,036 - None. - You're laughing about that.
- 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,642 Well, it's funny to imagine a vase
- 00:10:04,742 --> 00:10:06,613 showing a monster helping someone.
- 00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,283 Nobody would want it.
- 00:10:08,283 --> 00:10:12,157 "Nobody would want it."
- 00:10:12,157 --> 00:10:13,292 Your expert.
- 00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:14,729 Thank you.
- 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:17,334 Do you ever keep old pottery?
- 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,872 Well, the older a vase gets, the less valuable.
- 00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:23,279 But I do keep an archive of stories that seem important.
- 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:26,252 Oh? Anything this court might find enlightening?
- 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:29,458 Well, as a matter of fact, I sure did find something.
- 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,663 This bowl is centuries old.
- 00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:34,001 We can't know what region this was,
- 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,140 but you see here a monster that looks like the accused.
- 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:40,380 And these appear to be human babies.
- 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:44,656 And then this would be the accused eating the babies.
- 00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:45,791 Oh, no.
- 00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:48,496 Oh, that was Mesopotamia.
- 00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:49,599 Or Sumeria.
- 00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:50,801 I get them confused.
- 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,739 One thing is for sure, though:
- 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:55,276 I have gained weight.
- 00:10:59,051 --> 00:11:00,654 Why didn't you tell me you spent
- 00:11:00,654 --> 00:11:02,725 part of your life eating babies?
- 00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:04,028 I'm on trial for eating goats.
- 00:11:04,028 --> 00:11:05,597 It hardly seemed relevant.
- 00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:06,700 Not to get us off track,
- 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,935 but what do they taste like?
- 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,171 Do not answer that!
- 00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:11,943 Look, I spent some time a thousand years ago
- 00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:14,381 imprisoned in a pit by a tribe of humans
- 00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:17,555 that refused to feed me anything but their enemies.
- 00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:19,725 Who's enemies with babies?
- 00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:21,963 You know, human values have a habit of drifting.
- 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:24,101 It always starts with "let's get rid of bad people"
- 00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:27,173 and somehow always ends up with a baby pit.
- 00:11:27,173 --> 00:11:29,845 Oh, honey, you're back. I missed you.
- 00:11:29,845 --> 00:11:31,550 - What are you doing? - Whoops.
- 00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,921 Your loss, whoever you are.
- 00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,225 I don't care what you do with that slutty bird.
- 00:11:36,225 --> 00:11:38,797 I just need you to do me a small favor.
- 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,834 - Anything, my love. - Kill your son.
- 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,772 Okay, but since he's defending me,
- 00:11:42,772 --> 00:11:44,341 it might be a bit of an issue.
- 00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:46,779 Not our son, your son.
- 00:11:46,779 --> 00:11:48,583 I'd do it, but you know the rules.
- 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:49,820 "You make 'em, you kill 'em."
- 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,022 Nobody's killing anyone.
- 00:11:51,122 --> 00:11:52,691 What do you think Hippocampus did
- 00:11:52,691 --> 00:11:54,061 that would warrant his murder?
- 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,733 He took my Killassians away from me.
- 00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:58,002 So what? It's not like
- 00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,705 you ever did anything to earn their worship.
- 00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,442 You don't earn worship.
- 00:12:01,442 --> 00:12:02,511 Then it's not worship.
- 00:12:02,511 --> 00:12:04,683 If I had to do things to get things,
- 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,252 I'd be one of you things.
- 00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:08,256 Well, if people praised you and never get anything for it,
- 00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:11,663 doesn't it stand to reason that they might stop?
- 00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,198 Of course. You're right.
- 00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:14,936 I don't have to kill your brother.
- 00:12:14,936 --> 00:12:16,840 I just have to bribe everyone with gifts
- 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,078 so they forget all about that stupid Science.
- 00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:20,814 That's not really what I was saying.
- 00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,985 Got what I wanted. Not listening.
- 00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,922 Okay, back to what's actually important.
- 00:12:24,922 --> 00:12:26,760 Dad, I'm going to lose this case,
- 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,096 and you're going to die.
- 00:12:28,096 --> 00:12:29,799 Look, I know laws just got invented,
- 00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:31,669 but I think your dad needs to break a couple
- 00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:32,705 if he's gonna live.
- 00:12:32,705 --> 00:12:33,740 She's right.
- 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:34,976 I'll tell people you escaped.
- 00:12:34,976 --> 00:12:37,615 Can you maul and trample me a little?
- 00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:38,851 Oh, in a way that doesn't hurt.
- 00:12:38,851 --> 00:12:40,153 I can't run now, son.
- 00:12:40,153 --> 00:12:41,723 Your people would kill you.
- 00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:43,125 They'll kill you if you stay.
- 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:46,967 But legally, thanks to you.
- 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,437 You're welcome?
- 00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:53,880 Someone in this city killed the goats, folks,
- 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,887 and someone in your city used to eat babies.
- 00:12:56,887 --> 00:12:58,890 Not exactly a riddle.
- 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,794 I'd know. I'm a sphinx.
- 00:13:00,794 --> 00:13:01,997 You want to hear a riddle?
- 00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:03,567 Oh, God. Here she goes.
- 00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,236 What has four legs in the morning,
- 00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,608 two legs at noon, and three legs at night?
- 00:13:07,608 --> 00:13:11,716 Man because he crawls as a baby and uses a cane when he's old.
- 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,052 Thank you. - Ooh.
- 00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:15,156 - That was a good riddle. - Impressive.
- 00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:16,391 I'm not addressing that riddle
- 00:13:16,391 --> 00:13:18,897 because it has nothing to do with the trial.
- 00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:20,668 Also, not a great riddle.
- 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:21,703 We liked her riddle.
- 00:13:21,703 --> 00:13:22,872 It's clearly popular,
- 00:13:22,872 --> 00:13:24,474 which is why I won't criticize it,
- 00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:27,782 but it's frustrating when popular things are stupid.
- 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,017 - Come on. - Crazy.
- 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,322 The sphinx's riddle is not on trial, young man.
- 00:13:31,322 --> 00:13:34,028 No, it's not and never has been.
- 00:13:34,028 --> 00:13:36,164 Maybe it should've been.
- 00:13:36,164 --> 00:13:37,100 Moving on.
- 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,436 Excuse me. Not moving on.
- 00:13:38,436 --> 00:13:40,841 I want to know what makes my riddle stupid.
- 00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:41,977 I shouldn't have said that.
- 00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:45,016 That was rude, and I'm sorry.
- 00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:47,120 I just think that a proper riddle
- 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,224 is a solvable linguistic puzzle,
- 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,830 like, what can be touched but not seen?
- 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,834 The heart.
- 00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,472 Can we just find his father guilty now?
- 00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:58,811 You don't wanna hear his closing argument?
- 00:13:58,811 --> 00:14:00,113 Kind of a waste of time.
- 00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:01,984 Yeah, this guy's time is so important.
- 00:14:02,084 --> 00:14:04,254 What are you, late to marry an overrated riddle?
- 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:11,301 Killassians, Deliria has returned.
- 00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:14,542 And I think you're going to like what I brought with me.
- 00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:16,078 An air of desperation?
- 00:14:16,078 --> 00:14:18,684 In my thousands of years on this planet,
- 00:14:18,684 --> 00:14:20,186 I have learned many things,
- 00:14:20,186 --> 00:14:24,528 but mostly how to properly reward my worshippers.
- 00:14:24,629 --> 00:14:26,700 So you're welcome.
- 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,970 Ooh, honey.
- 00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,974 Yum, yum, yum.
- 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:33,279 Bribery? Isn't that beneath you?
- 00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:35,283 - Not if it works. - It won't.
- 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:36,753 You can offer them anything you want,
- 00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:38,657 but they won't take it.
- 00:14:38,657 --> 00:14:40,026 Asskill, wanna tell her why?
- 00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,865 Science has opened our eyes to amazing new concepts.
- 00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:44,602 I mean, the baths alone.
- 00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:45,604 Right, bath buddy?
- 00:14:45,604 --> 00:14:46,740 Not in front of people.
- 00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,613 You idiots really believe this nonsense?
- 00:14:49,613 --> 00:14:52,283 I'm a god. I'm real.
- 00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,121 It's called faith, Stepmother,
- 00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:56,291 and it's much bigger than you.
- 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:59,699 But is it bigger than sandals?
- 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,470 Shovels? Dairy cows?
- 00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,240 Piles of hair?
- 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,879 All hail Science!
- 00:15:06,879 --> 00:15:08,617 Shall we talk?
- 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,253 What do you want?
- 00:15:10,253 --> 00:15:12,992 I want you to let me call you Mom.
- 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:14,294 What? Why?
- 00:15:14,294 --> 00:15:15,964 - Does it matter? - No.
- 00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:17,768 Because it's never going to happen.
- 00:15:17,768 --> 00:15:18,904 Which is exactly why
- 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:21,208 it's the only thing I will accept.
- 00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:23,312 You do realize it won't mean anything.
- 00:15:23,312 --> 00:15:25,249 You can't make me love you.
- 00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:27,053 Pfft, I don't want your love.
- 00:15:27,053 --> 00:15:28,222 I want power.
- 00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,493 You see, every time I call you Mom,
- 00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:32,631 you'll know I beat you.
- 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,802 That's worth everything.
- 00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,706 I am strangely impressed
- 00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:39,244 by your cold, unfeeling calculations.
- 00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:40,680 - I thought you might be. - Fine.
- 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,252 Because you are power-hungry and have proven yourself
- 00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:46,125 a worthy adversary, I will allow you this.
- 00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:48,195 I know you will, Mom.
- 00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:51,268 Ooh, it's like being stabbed in the ears.
- 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,441 Now can we finally get out of this dusty hellhole?
- 00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:57,447 Absolutely. I miss my bed and my lab.
- 00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,384 Plus, no matter how much water they get,
- 00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:03,258 these people still smell like half-dead muskrats.
- 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,964 All hail Science or whatever.
- 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:07,734 Smell ya later!
- 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,072 What are you gonna do about all your lost worshippers?
- 00:16:10,072 --> 00:16:11,275 Well, I'm not too worried.
- 00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:13,145 I have a feeling they'll find their way back.
- 00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:14,916 I might not know what humans like,
- 00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,820 but I know what they don't:
- 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,690 locusts!
- 00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:26,005 And if a lifetime, which is a series of days,
- 00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:27,207 looks like a single day,
- 00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:30,981 your perspective is so distant that a cane would be a leg,
- 00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:33,119 so it's not just a jumble of metaphors.
- 00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:34,655 It's the best riddle ever,
- 00:16:34,655 --> 00:16:37,093 and I now understand why people like it.
- 00:16:37,093 --> 00:16:38,496 Good enough?
- 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,937 All right, you may begin your closing argument,
- 00:16:41,937 --> 00:16:43,973 but it better be good.
- 00:16:43,973 --> 00:16:47,146 your goats were eaten.
- 00:16:47,146 --> 00:16:50,621 my dad...
- 00:16:50,621 --> 00:16:52,390 Ate babies.
- 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:55,764 Stop telling everyone you ate babies!
- 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,735 Stop talking.
- 00:16:57,735 --> 00:17:00,607 Everything you say is...
- 00:17:02,611 --> 00:17:04,481 True.
- 00:17:04,582 --> 00:17:09,090 My father has never lied in his life.
- 00:17:10,059 --> 00:17:11,028 I should know.
- 00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:13,499 I grew up wishing he would.
- 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:18,309 I also grew up constantly lying about him.
- 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:21,949 I told people I didn't have a father.
- 00:17:21,949 --> 00:17:24,254 I was ashamed of him
- 00:17:24,254 --> 00:17:26,057 because he's shameless.
- 00:17:26,157 --> 00:17:27,227 It's true.
- 00:17:27,227 --> 00:17:29,532 We want to be good.
- 00:17:29,532 --> 00:17:32,972 We want to set wrong things right.
- 00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:34,842 You know who else wanted that?
- 00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:36,513 These guys.
- 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,184 Chucking babies into a monster's mouth.
- 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,221 What happened here?
- 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,760 If we asked these humans, would they tell us,
- 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,331 or would they say, "It didn't happen that way.
- 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,136 "There's more to it than that.
- 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,303 "The babies were bigger.
- 00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,175 "They were very dangerous babies.
- 00:17:51,175 --> 00:17:53,111 You had to be there. Trust me"?
- 00:17:53,111 --> 00:17:55,884 Well, I don't trust them.
- 00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:57,821 They're too human.
- 00:17:57,821 --> 00:17:59,592 They mean too well.
- 00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,596 And they want too much.
- 00:18:01,596 --> 00:18:05,136 And they lie too often.
- 00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:07,941 Is there a reason not to let this guy babysit?
- 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:09,545 Yep.
- 00:18:09,545 --> 00:18:13,151 Are there reasons not to take his grooming advice? Yes.
- 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,822 When you look at him, listen to him,
- 00:18:14,822 --> 00:18:16,225 or watch him do anything,
- 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:18,864 is it reasonable to be disgusted?
- 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,634 Maybe.
- 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,607 But there's no reason to mistrust him.
- 00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:27,113 He's never pretended to be better than he is.
- 00:18:27,113 --> 00:18:29,919 That's me. That's you.
- 00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:31,689 That's these guys.
- 00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:36,833 That's why humans have to be extra careful about justice.
- 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,236 We're too good at it.
- 00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:41,542 And too wrong, too often.
- 00:18:42,110 --> 00:18:44,280 This guy ate babies.
- 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,753 He didn't eat your goats. Thank you.
- 00:18:46,753 --> 00:18:49,424 - Mm-hmm. - Very impressive.
- 00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:50,527 I'll tell you what happened here.
- 00:18:50,527 --> 00:18:54,367 One of these babies survived and sired my ancestors.
- 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:59,177 I am the last descendant of the Baby That Got Away.
- 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:02,752 Son, this is a goat-eating trial.
- 00:19:02,752 --> 00:19:03,920 No, you idiots!
- 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,024 The whole point of killing the goats
- 00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:07,293 was to make you understand
- 00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,430 you're sheltering an evil beast!
- 00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:12,905 Wait, are you saying you killed our goats?
- 00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:13,940 Look! Goats!
- 00:19:16,078 --> 00:19:17,180 - Let's go! - Let's get him!
- 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,282 - Come on! - Get him!
- 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,353 We find the monster innocent.
- 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,956 Get the torches! - Yeah!
- 00:19:24,695 --> 00:19:27,300 Go get him.
- 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,005 Justice is hereby over. Keeping the hammer.
- 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:31,275 Thank you, son.
- 00:19:31,275 --> 00:19:34,481 You're welcome, you baby-eating old bastard.
- 00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:35,951 Come on!
- 00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:37,453 Get him!
- 00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,057 Yeah!
- 00:19:39,057 --> 00:19:40,426 Should they be doing that?
- 00:19:40,426 --> 00:19:42,363 Doesn't everybody have rights now?
- 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:44,467 Yeah, everybody but that guy.
- 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,438 Let's take the win. - Congratulations.
- 00:19:46,438 --> 00:19:47,708 I had a feeling you were innocent.
- 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:50,313 Are you serious? Then what the hell, Brenda?
- 00:19:50,313 --> 00:19:51,716 Why? - I was hungry.
- 00:19:51,716 --> 00:19:53,921 And they offered me a lot of goat carcasses.
- 00:19:53,921 --> 00:19:54,923 Hey, King Tyrannis,
- 00:19:55,056 --> 00:19:57,193 what's a dick in the morning... - Yep, that's okay.
- 00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:58,763 - And then at night? - We get it.
- 00:19:58,763 --> 00:19:59,798 - You. - Oh, wow.
- 00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,434 Good thing you followed all the way through.
- 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,074 What can't hear a dick over the sound of it leaving?
- 00:20:04,074 --> 00:20:06,679 Brenda the Legal Sphinx!
- 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:09,953 Aah!
- 00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,890 both: Whoa! - Holy!
- 00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:12,791 Did you see that?
- 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,463 Sphinx flying just outside the city.
- 00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:17,567 - Mom got it! - Mom, no!
- 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,872 Oh, he's just as much my child as you two.
- 00:20:19,872 --> 00:20:21,174 No, not that.
- 00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:23,478 That was, uh-- we knew her.
- 00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:25,482 Well, she may be alive.
- 00:20:25,482 --> 00:20:27,253 She was making sounds going down.
- 00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:30,459 Not good sounds, but not no sounds.
- 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:32,496 Do I have to go and get her?
- 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:35,703 No, we'll all go get her together.
- 00:20:35,703 --> 00:20:38,609 So I have to go get her slowly.
- 00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,553 Ugh.
- 00:20:46,726 --> 00:20:48,563 I say, darling, do you ever think
- 00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:51,569 how lucky you are that you don't have to bathe yourself?
- 00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:54,842 No washing your armpits or legpits or wingpits
- 00:20:54,842 --> 00:20:56,011 or your tailpit?
- 00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:58,014 Can't say that I have.
- 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,337 Have you quite finished?
- 00:21:09,337 --> 00:21:12,443 Well, now I have to start again.
- 00:21:12,443 --> 00:21:13,814 Isn't it strange
- 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,017 how the things you once found cute in a lover
- 00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:19,525 become the very things that end up torturing you forever?
- 00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:21,996 Well, I like the idea of being loved forever.
- 00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:24,066 Then stop that.
- 00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:29,678 I like it too.
- 00:21:31,115 --> 00:21:32,551 Did you get any of that?
- 00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:36,625 Bento.
Скриншоты

























