Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — Тираннис управляет своим городом и сталкивается с варварскими и каннибалистическими киллассианцами, живущими неподалеку. Его мать Делирия и отец Шлуб навещают его, и Делирия одержима идеей строительства храма в её честь. Гиппокамп разрабатывает бомбу, и он вместе со Ступендусом пытаются передать её киллассианцам в троянском коне. После того, как Гермес сообщает Делирии, что Афина хочет поговорить с ней и планирует вернуть её на гору Олимп, Афина прибывает, чтобы сразиться с Делирией, поскольку киллассианцы поклоняются Афине, но терпит поражение от бомбы, заложенной в троянском коне.

Следующая серия S01 E02 Ступербоул

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности!

All Hail the Goddess of Likability!

Сезон: 01Серия: 01

Описание

Тираннис управляет своим городом и сталкивается с варварскими и каннибалистическими киллассианцами, живущими неподалеку. Его мать Делирия и отец Шлуб навещают его, и Делирия одержима идеей строительства храма в её честь. Гиппокамп разрабатывает бомбу, и он вместе со Ступендусом пытаются передать её киллассианцам в троянском коне. После того, как Гермес сообщает Делирии, что Афина хочет поговорить с ней и планирует вернуть её на гору Олимп, Афина прибывает, чтобы сразиться с Делирией, поскольку киллассианцы поклоняются Афине, но терпит поражение от бомбы, заложенной в троянском коне.

Субтитры

00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:03,450 Вазы! Утренние вазы!
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:07,750 Первыми увидьте рисунки того, что только что случилось или нет!
00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:10,630 Новости, слухи, пропаганда - решать вам.
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,210 Всё на вазах!
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,590 Тиран объявлен самым сексуальным царём.
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,050 Ты серьёзно?
00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:19,380 Ты всё время продаёшь одну и ту же фигуру. Меня не проведёшь.
00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:21,640 Жадный царь не хочет покупать вазу.
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,720 Я прикажу тебя убить.
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,390 Тиран угрожает СМИ.
00:00:24,430 --> 00:00:25,890 Смотри, приятель.
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:27,230 Ты лучший в мире дедушка.
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:29,270 Правда? Люди это знают?
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,190 Я признан самым сексуальным царём.
00:00:31,270 --> 00:00:33,320 Странно хвастаться этим своей сестре.
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,240 Ладно, так из-за чего такого срочного ты отвлекла меня от примерки плаща?
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,450 Помнишь, ты сказал "Это хорошее место для города",
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:43,280 а я сказала "наверно нет, потому что в дне ходьбы отсюда орда каннибалов"?
00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:46,450 А я сказал, "Любое место в дне ходьбы от орды каннибалов.
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,000 Поэтому город будет огромным".
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,000 В чём проблема?
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,210 Откройте!
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:55,170 От наших соседей, убивАйцев.
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,710 Если они правда каннибалы,
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,180 то горящая голова для них - как для нас корзина с фруктами.
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,800 Эй, эта голова - твоя задница!
00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:06,770 Будь выше этого.
00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:07,930 Это поучительный момент.
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:09,270 Поучительный?
00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:11,400 Тогда дай мне научить земледельцев сражаться.
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,060 Тогда мы будем сражаться вместо возделывания земли.
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,230 И что мы тогда будем есть?
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,440 Так каннибализм и побеждает.
00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:20,780 Я знаю, что я младший брат, но ты должна мне довериться.
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:22,490 Будущее за цивилизацией.
00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:23,910 Дикарство в прошлом.
00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:25,370 И это прошлое мы оставили позади.
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:28,290 Богиня на чудовище, поберегись.
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:29,870 Прошлое за моей спиной, да?
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,070 Ага.
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:34,080 Мама, папа. Почему вы здесь и почему не можете остаться?
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:36,710 Мы услышали, что вы строите новомодный город,
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,840 от чего-то что мы ели и/или с чем занимались сексом.
00:01:39,970 --> 00:01:43,540 Надеюсь, вы не ждёте, что я останусь в этой дыре дольше дня.
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,630 Привет. Моя семья вам поклоняется.
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:46,810 Неделю максимум.
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:49,430 Хороший вкус вашей семьи будет вознаграждён.
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,020 Нам нравится, что вы сделали с весной.
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:54,560 Это Деметра. Змея.
00:01:54,610 --> 00:01:57,020 Если кому-то буду нужна я, ДелИрия,
00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:59,020 я буду в нелепо выглядящем дворце.
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,900 Ты всё еще бессмертная, да, мама?
00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:02,610 Конечно, я бессмертная.
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:03,660 Я богиня.
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,780 Что ты за идиот такой?
00:02:05,870 --> 00:02:07,780 Идиот с мечтой.
00:02:32,810 --> 00:02:35,060 Убивайцы испытывают нас на слабость.
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,060 Мы должны объявить им войну.
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:40,570 Если мы будем с кем-то воевать, то в живых останешься только ты.
00:02:40,650 --> 00:02:41,990 Формально это будет победа.
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:44,650 Я это сделал.
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,280 Я устроил взрыв нарочно, вроде как.
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,120 Понадобилось всего три вида пороха и два помощника.
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,750 Из этого можно сделать оружие?
00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:53,290 Как ты это назовёшь?
00:02:53,370 --> 00:02:55,290 Наверно, я должен назвать это в честь Боба.
00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:57,880 Хотя Том тоже сделал большой вклад.
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,630 Я назову это "бо-м-ба".
00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:04,050 ГиппокАмп, я просил тебя придумать письменность.
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,760 Пф, письменность.
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,890 Брат, я люблю тебя, но я стал учёным не чтобы делать обычных людей умнее.
00:03:09,970 --> 00:03:14,770 Я сделал это, чтобы они боялись моей божественной силы!
00:03:14,810 --> 00:03:15,770 Подсади, пожалуйста.
00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:17,100 Ну вот, Ти.
00:03:17,190 --> 00:03:18,650 Мы можем воевать с кем захотим.
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,940 У нас есть бо-м-ба.
00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:23,490 Говори просто "бомба". Ты же не пещерный человек.
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:27,200 Мы не победим варваров, взрывая женщин и детей.
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,150 Каким я после такого буду выглядеть на вазе?
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,280 Суровым с варварами?
00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:31,410 Живым?
00:03:31,450 --> 00:03:33,080 Как эта семья стала такой циничной?
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:36,290 Приготовьтесь разочаровать богиню Делирию!
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,840 Что здесь делает деревянная плита?
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:42,750 Это дверь.
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,090 Поверни ручку.
00:03:44,170 --> 00:03:46,010 Вчера здесь не было деревянной плиты.
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,090 Поверни ручку!
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,970 Я не знаю, что такое ручка.
00:03:49,050 --> 00:03:50,850 Протяни руку и...
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:54,220 Смертным обязательно заполнять пустое пространство хламом из дерева?
00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:56,600 Это называется цивилизацией, мать.
00:03:56,730 --> 00:03:58,650 Ага, да, очень броское имя.
00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:00,900 Как все спали? Я скажу первым.
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:02,190 С вашей матерью и эротично.
00:04:02,230 --> 00:04:04,570 Что мы едим? Неважно. Мне нравится.
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,650 Тираны, где твои рабы строят мой храм?
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,610 Это граждане, а не рабы.
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,660 У нас всё более современно,
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,740 мы обходимся без храмов.
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,580 Вы посмотрите на длину этих теней.
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,410 Возможно, я опаздываю на встречу.
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,080 Изобрети способ измерять время.
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,580 Кто знает, может быть, я уже опережаю график.
00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:29,580 Заставь людей мне поклоняться, сынок.
00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:31,460 Я создала тебя не веселья ради.
00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:34,340 Хотя мне было весело, должен признать.
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,260 Во всех современных городах есть храмы.
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:38,550 Большинство в честь Афины, потной стервы.
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,010 Я слышал, Афина получает все эти храмы,
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,220 потому что у нее есть секрет.
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:45,560 Правда?
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,190 Мне без разницы, но какой?
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:52,020 Говорят, что ее самую малость любят люди.
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,690 Не злись на него, дорогая.
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,490 Он бесится, когда он загнан в угол.
00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:59,320 Это досталось ему от отчасти скорпиона, отчасти льва, отчасти орла, отчасти коня.
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:00,570 Никто меня не злит.
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,370 Тем более сравнивая меня с Афиной.
00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,370 Потому что я не вонючая бездарность.
00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:06,582 Я ухожу. Случайное животное.
00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:13,210 Проклятье.
00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:18,300 Случайное наземное животное.
00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:21,550 Она горяча даже в виде страуса.
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:28,310 Эй, хочу тебе сказать. Твоя бомба была шикарной. Даже лучше, чем шикарной.
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,980 Ее не описать словами.
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:32,020 Это просто бомба.
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:36,737 Да, на это и три сандалии я куплю себе стакан козьего молока.
00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:41,570 Наверно, начну работу над письменностью.
00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:44,080 Это так скучно.
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,290 Ненавижу!
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:46,330 Перевёрнутые сиськи.
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,120 Что это может быть?
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:49,750 Эй, осторожней с наукой!
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:52,580 Почему мы работаем на младшего брата?
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:54,200 В чём он вообще хорош?
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:58,250 Как я видел, он говорит бессильным людям, что они сильные.
00:05:58,330 --> 00:06:00,210 Им это нравится, поэтому они отдают ему всю власть.
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,040 Но он не понимает, что делает.
00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,460 Убивайцы - опасные, жестокие варвары.
00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:06,840 Они должны умереть во взрыве.
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,880 Но сделав это за его спиной, мы лишимся работы.
00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:11,340 За своей спиной он об этом не узнает.
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,680 Ты права.
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,100 Похоже, ты не просто силачка.
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,943 Что? Возьми свои слова назад.
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,100 Незачем. Ты это опровергла.
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,480 Успокойтесь все.
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,650 Вы ведёте себя так, будто это первая горящая человеческая голова на колу.
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,730 Когда на самом деле она третья.
00:06:26,030 --> 00:06:27,280 Похоже, многие об этом не знали.
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,530 Я вижу поднятую руку.
00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:31,660 Я думала, в городах безопаснее, чем в дикой природе.
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,410 Я жила в дикой природе.
00:06:33,450 --> 00:06:35,200 Там не было горящих голов.
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:39,330 Ребята, забудьте, что я король. Давайте начистоту.
00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:44,130 Скажите троноделу, что я люблю говорить начистоту.
00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:45,380 Он поймёт, о чём я.
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,420 Знаете, почему они ведут себя страшно?
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:48,720 Они ленивые.
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,130 Им будет проще, если вы сбежите.
00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:54,800 Чтобы напугать их, мы должны быть еще ленивее.
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,390 В этом смысл цивилизации.
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,520 Отказываться двигаться, сажать еду рядом с постелью,
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,020 есть, когда захочется,
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:06,270 и какать прямо там, где хоронишь родителей.
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:09,240 Хотите прогнать варваров?
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,070 Пусть с вами будет тяжело.
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,200 Станьте медленными, толстыми и скучными.
00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:17,950 Восстаньте и сядьте.
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,330 Извините.
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:22,790 Хочу добавить, я тоже люблю цивилизацию.
00:07:22,830 --> 00:07:25,210 И надеюсь, религия будет ее частью.
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:29,590 Лично я люблю молиться вашей матери, великой Делирии.
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:34,390 А, кстати говоря, у вас тут вообще есть место, где все молятся, или...
00:07:34,430 --> 00:07:39,140 Надо же. Загадочный бородатый путник, которого никто в жизни не видел.
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:41,680 Как часто это случается? Только когда мама бухнёт.
00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:45,230 Узрите, всё это время я была собой.
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:49,480 Вы все прошли какое-то мое испытание.
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,730 Да, да, мы прошли испытание.
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:54,900 Моя мать, дамы и господа. Богиня умения вовремя остановиться.
00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,440 Ладно. Я уйду.
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:57,400 Мы любим вас, Делирия.
00:07:57,490 --> 00:07:58,690 Ладно, я останусь.
00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:00,150 Поддержите царя, народ.
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,240 Править, очевидно, нелегко.
00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:04,780 Я шучу.
00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:06,160 Мой сын - прирождённый царь.
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:10,410 Какая еще есть работа для тридцатилетнего девственника, не умеющего махать мечом?
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:13,120 Мне двадцать девять.
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,170 Извини, дорогой.
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:16,920 Когда ты говоришь через нос, ничего не понять.
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,750 Ему не достался голос завоевателя.
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,260 Впрочем, ничего другого ему тоже не досталось.
00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:24,890 Знаете, что правда смешно?
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,720 Она живёт вечно, но она мертва внутри.
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:30,310 И по ее вине я ужасен с женщинами.
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:32,640 Согласен. Это не уморительно смешно.
00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:35,730 Вот вам правда. Она здесь, потому что у нее нет выбора.
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:38,110 Она разбазарила свою власть.
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,780 Теперь ей нужны последователи.
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:43,450 И она думает, что вы такие дураки, что построите ей храм.
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,450 Сделаем это!
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:49,540 Храм, храм, храм, храм, храм!
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:53,790 Делирия, богиня, любимая людьми.
00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:02,920 Сын, вопросик.
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:07,680 Какие из одомашненных животных даже не обсуждаются с точки зрения секса?
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,060 Что это такое?
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,890 Это заколдованные от богов доспехи.
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,520 Я берёг их для дня, когда я убью мать.
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:14,890 Отойди.
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:17,770 Если ты купил их у КсАнтеса из Нигерии,
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:20,110 то знай, что они из жести.
00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:21,440 Заколдованной жести.
00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:23,610 Ай! Они режут меня!
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:24,650 Он прохиндей сын.
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:25,950 Сними их.
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:28,070 Ты надел костюм из ножниц.
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,280 Ты ведь на самом деле не хочешь убивать мать?
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,330 А что, ты мне поможешь или помешаешь?
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:37,420 Именно. Папа, ты не можешь дать мне совет. Ты ничего не делаешь.
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:40,170 Кроме, время от времени, невообразимых вещей с курицами.
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,410 Ошибаешься, сын.
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:45,920 Я пришёл сюда специально, чтобы узнать насчёт куриц, перед тем как...
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,670 Знаешь, кто хорош в том, что мама уважает?
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,000 Мёртвые люди.
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,210 Знаешь, за кем будущее?
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:53,220 Дипломаты, переговорщики, воротилы.
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,930 Те, кто делает дела, вроде меня.
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,930 Если она не будет мне мешать.
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:58,890 Я тебе верю, сын.
00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:00,220 Человечество на подъёме.
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:02,390 Одно то, что вы сделали с курицами...
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,270 Папа.
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:04,350 Позволь спросить.
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,100 Если тебе дан дар договариваться,
00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:11,320 почему ты не можешь договориться с матерью?
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,530 Так, кладите их туда.
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:14,610 Нужно ровнее.
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,990 Нет. Сделайте вот так.
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,660 Просто сделайте так четыре раза и...
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:19,870 И самой построить храм?
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,000 Блестящая идея. Вот еще одна. У кого еще есть что добавить?
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:23,933 Привет.
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:27,460 Если ты прячешь нигерийский убивающий богов кинжал, я тебя огорчу.
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:28,330 Я с предложением.
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:29,960 Тебе нечего предложить.
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,090 Будь это так, тебя бы здесь не было.
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:36,430 Когда я родила тебя, то мечтала, что ты завоюешь мир, богов и всех остальных.
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,890 И когда они поднимут взгляд и спросят: Кто ты?",
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,970 ты ответишь: "Я сын Делирии.
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,180 И вам следовало быть с ней повежливее".
00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:44,560 Это не плохая мечта, мама.
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,680 Но мы должны друг другу помочь.
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,350 Моему городу нужна защита.
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,520 Тебе нужен храм.
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,560 Людям нужен отдых.
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,820 Это я пробовала. Они все сломаны.
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:54,440 Я шевелю их конечностями.
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,160 Объясни еще раз.
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,240 Подарим им огромного деревянного коня.
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,200 Они решат, что внутри мужики, и подожгут его.
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:07,750 Но в нём бомба, поэтому будет бум.
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:08,830 Да, но почему конь?
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,210 Не знаю.
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:13,590 Я спросил себя: какой самый дурацкий подарок можно сделать?
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:16,590 Ближе не надо. Погнали.
00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:18,590 Эй!
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:23,180 Я ЗадоубИвец, сын Убивца, истребитель задниц.
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,680 - Круто. - Соболезнования задницам.
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:28,480 Вы просто отдаёте его нам?
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:29,560 Он роскошен.
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,520 Я бы так не сказал.
00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:35,570 На вашем месте я бы его подожгла. Позже.
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:36,740 С ума сошли?
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,900 Я буду вечно им дорожить.
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,870 Вы настолько уверены, что внутри нет мужиков?
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:44,200 Почему бы не поджечь его? Позже.
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:48,370 Почему для вас так важно, чтобы мы его подожгли?
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:53,000 В нашей культуре владение преходяще, как кони.
00:11:53,050 --> 00:11:57,090 Тогда как огонь вечен, как дружба.
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:00,090 Мне нравится ваша культура.
00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:02,180 Я объявлю мир с КрапОполисом.
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:05,720 Сегодня будем пировать вокруг горящего коня дружбы!
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:11,350 Это так неловко.
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,190 Вы знаете, наш народ никогда раньше не танцевал.
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:15,440 По вам не скажешь.
00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:17,530 Извините, что мы еще не подожгли коня.
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:22,780 Я хочу посадить наших самых старых женщин и маленьких детей как можно ближе.
00:12:22,870 --> 00:12:24,200 Мы пойдём.
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,950 Но слушайте, наверно не стоит поджигать коня.
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,290 О, мы его подожжём.
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:34,540 Все в мире увидят это и поймут, что с ненавистью и насилием покончено.
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,750 Не стыдитесь слёз.
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:40,960 Я поплачу вместе с вами.
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,040 Теперь можно быть ранимыми.
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,880 Благодаря вам.
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,840 В коне бомба!
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,170 Что такое бомба?
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:53,300 Ужасное, разрушительное, крутое новое оружие,
00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:57,810 созданное, чтобы убить всех вас сразу.
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,650 Схватить их!
00:13:03,730 --> 00:13:04,980 Нет!
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:06,610 Не сопротивляйтесь.
00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:08,650 Мы должны.
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:10,110 Извините.
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,820 Извините. Извините.
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:13,780 Хватит всех бить.
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:15,160 Я должна.
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,790 Вы ужасные люди.
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,210 Теперь мы это знаем.
00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:23,830 Вы хорошо танцуете, ребята.
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,790 Мы любим вас.
00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:31,500 Не подгоняй меня так. Моя шея сломается.
00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,170 Я слишком долго ждала.
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:36,760 Боги же не примчатся обратно сразу, как только я положу последний...
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,090 О, моя богиня.
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,470 ...кирпич.
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:41,010 Кто вернулся на уровень храмов.
00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:42,680 Гермес.
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,970 Наслаждаешься напитком?
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,100 - У меня нет... - У меня тоже. Прискорбно, нет?
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:48,640 Принеси два нектара, Ти.
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,190 Тебя не хватает на Олимпе.
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,190 Это ложь.
00:13:51,270 --> 00:13:52,770 Я не лгу, сучка.
00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:56,153 На Олимпе никто не говорит о своих чувствах, упаси Зевс.
00:13:56,153 --> 00:14:00,360 Но стоит отойти на два шага от горы, как все настоящие боги такие: Я скучаю по Делирии.
00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:02,030 Да ладно. Кто?
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:02,990 Ой, кто же? Аполлон.
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,200 Ой, кто же? Артемида.
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,530 Ой, кто же? Афина.
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,790 Стоп, стоп, стоп. Афина скучает по мне?
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:10,290 Тебя это удивляет? Ты должна понять, кто ты.
00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:12,330 Спасибо за напиток, смертный.
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:13,540 Из-за этого я и здесь.
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:15,840 Кажется, там есть город.
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:16,630 Убивайцы?
00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:18,170 Ти, боги говорят.
00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:21,050 Короче, убивайцы идут сюда, чтобы вторгнуться в город.
00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:24,390 И похоже, что убивайцы поклоняются Афине.
00:14:24,470 --> 00:14:27,600 А этот город, похоже, поклоняется тебе.
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,180 Неловко. Но Афина не будет вмешиваться, если ты не будешь.
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:35,730 И она будет рада обсудить твое возвращение на Олимп.
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,110 Значит, не вмешиваемся, хорошая новость.
00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:41,280 Я такой, приношу хорошие новости.
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,280 Привыкай ко мне.
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,000 Суперскорость!
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,790 Что? Ты не вмешаешься?
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,040 Мы построили тебе храм.
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,460 Но разве я его получу?
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:51,050 Похоже, он перейдёт Афине.
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,460 Вы слышали? Будет вторжение.
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:55,010 Полагаю, мы бросаем цивилизацию.
00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:57,010 Но не эту кружку, я хотел бы ее оставить.
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,720 В вас двоих - всё, что я ненавижу в этом мире.
00:14:59,770 --> 00:15:00,720 Ты прав, сын.
00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:02,140 Привязываться опасно.
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:06,020 Ты позволишь всей своей семье умереть, чтобы повысить свой олимпийский статус?
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:07,440 Своей смертной семье.
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,110 Ты в любом случае умрёшь.
00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:11,270 У меня также есть бессмертная семья.
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,690 Социальные ставки выше, когда твоя социальная жизнь вечная.
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:17,110 Не могу поверить, что я тобой восхищался.
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:18,990 Ты никогда этого не говорил.
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:20,530 Я не мог, я был младенцем.
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,580 Ты быстро перестаёшь нравиться.
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:25,660 Похоже, у богов и смертных есть что-то общее.
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,380 Мы пытались его воспитать.
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,710 Я виню тебя.
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,710 Я не могу слепить вазу из дерьмовой глины.
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:41,010 Возможно, мы умрём.
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,010 Какова вероятность?
00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,010 Не знаю.
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,390 Это гарантированно?
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:46,270 Стив, это речь, а не интервью.
00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:47,850 Можешь задать вопросы потом?
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,270 Маловероятно.
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,860 Если мы умрём, для меня будет честью умереть с большинством из вас.
00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:55,240 Вы намекаете на меня?
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,133 Да!
00:15:56,266 --> 00:15:58,160 Ти, у меня есть мощная военная машина.
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:03,870 Она вряд ли переломит ход битвы, но, наверно, будет круто выглядеть во время битвы, и я...
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:04,870 Делай, что хочешь.
00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:06,500 Спасибо!
00:16:07,790 --> 00:16:09,120 Слушай, иди спрячься.
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:11,130 Я скажу им, что ты повесился.
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:12,960 Многие короли так делают.
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:14,330 - Так принято. - Нет.
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,590 Это моя вина.
00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,880 Ты часто спасала мне жизнь в детстве.
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,300 И часто пыталась тебя убить.
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,760 Что ж, миссия выполнена.
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,230 Привет. Я Тиран.
00:16:28,270 --> 00:16:30,230 Я принёс вам корзинку... оливок.
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:32,900 Просто скажи, как ты хочешь умереть.
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:35,860 Справедливо. Ого ты большой.
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:36,990 Извини.
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,240 Это моя первая битва.
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,330 Как ты вообще стал королём?
00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:47,750 Тебя это не удивит, но я вроде как убедил себя им назначить.
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:51,330 Моей целью было построить мир, где все всё обсуждают.
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,710 По эгоистичным причинам.
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:56,960 Но я говорил брату и сестре: Не будем с ними драться, давайте с ними поговорим.
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,130 О, они говорили.
00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,670 Вы только это и делаете.
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,840 Вы называли нас друзьями, чтобы взорвать наших детей.
00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:04,550 Вам нельзя доверять.
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:07,350 Ты прав.
00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:10,350 Мы пользовались вашим доверием, но не доверяли в ответ.
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,400 Что если мы доверимся вам сейчас?
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,770 Что если мы откроем врата и впустим вас?
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:18,070 Так и сделайте. Это называется вторжение.
00:17:18,110 --> 00:17:19,530 Или приглашение.
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:24,320 Что если мы впустим вас и будем доверять вам, пока не вернём ваше доверие?
00:17:24,450 --> 00:17:26,330 Мы земледельцы, а вы воины.
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:31,666 Объединив наши силы, мы сможем построить кое-что получше любого города.
00:17:31,666 --> 00:17:33,660 Союз, империю.
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,000 Что такое империя?
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:36,130 Пока не знаю.
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:38,630 Но она будет огромной.
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,220 Что происходит?
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,720 Мы разговариваем.
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,890 Я заметила. Я не богиня разговоров, выпердыш.
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:49,640 Завоюй этих людей и заставь поклоняться мне.
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:50,680 Афина.
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:52,140 Я к тебе обращалась?
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:55,150 Кто ты такой вообще такой?
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:58,820 Я сын Делирии, и тебе следовало быть с ней повежливее.
00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,820 Извини меня?
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:01,990 Ты его услышала.
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,440 Мама?
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,730 А я, видимо, ослышалась.
00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:07,530 Мне сказали, мы не вмешиваемся в войну.
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:08,820 Делирия.
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:10,740 Афина, богиня... что там у тебя сейчас по списку?
00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:13,700 Войны, мудрости, пафосных нарядов и проблем с папочкой?
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,450 Хочешь обсудить гардероб? Ладно.
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,240 Ты когда-нибудь нападёшь или?..
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,410 Можешь сказать "нет".
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,790 Ты шутишь, да?
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:21,920 В атаку!
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,460 В атаку!
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,670 Ты в курсе, что мы можем менять свою одежду и тела?
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,130 Конечно. Ты меняешь лицо при каждом разговоре.
00:18:33,850 --> 00:18:36,850 А что если я заменю твою армию на змей?
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:37,890 Змеи?
00:18:37,970 --> 00:18:39,270 Как лениво.
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,310 А ты не превращаешь людей в змей?
00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:42,480 Постоянно.
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,560 - Когда ленюсь. - Змея.
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,690 Змея, змея, змея, змея!
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:51,110 Да, вот как ты выглядишь: змея, змея, змея, змея, змея.
00:18:56,660 --> 00:18:58,660 - Змея, змея. - Змея, змея.
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:14,180 Ты думаешь, ты когда-нибудь вернёшься на Олимп?
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,260 Так грустно, что ты пытаешься.
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:17,760 Грустнее, что тебе не плевать.
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:22,180 О, мне плевать на мусор, но я всё равно его выбрасываю.
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:24,020 В то время как ты спишь с ним.
00:19:24,060 --> 00:19:25,310 Извини, что?
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,020 Не стыди мою маму за то, что она шлюха.
00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:29,190 Она моя мама.
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,940 Не будь она шлюхой, меня бы не было.
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:34,700 Извини, я не слышу тебя из-за звука змей.
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:35,860 Нет!
00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:37,490 Семьи больше нет.
00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:39,870 Ты даже этого не смогла.
00:19:39,950 --> 00:19:43,790 Скажите Тирану, что я что-то делаю!
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,170 Бегите!
00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:55,430 Слава Делирии.
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:03,310 Что я такое?
00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:05,560 Я чувствую запах тепла языком.
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:11,480 Не попадайся мне на глаза, и я никому не скажу о случившемся.
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,030 Будто мне не плевать.
00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:14,150 Отпусти меня!
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,530 Будто мне не плевать на всех вас.
00:20:15,610 --> 00:20:17,490 Будто мне не плевать на всё.
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,820 Будто мне не плевать на себя.
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,740 Будто мне это вообще нужно.
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,370 Слава Тирану!
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,620 Обратись к своему народу.
00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:27,920 Конечно.
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:32,920 У меня странные ноги, жаркое солнце, опасность, только мыши.
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,420 Найти мышей. Вкусных мышей. Тёплое солнце навсегда.
00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:37,930 Королей не выбирают.
00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:38,930 Радуйтесь.
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,930 Ура.
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:50,980 Спасибо.
00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:52,190 Следующая.
00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:53,650 Тут мышей на три дня.
00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:56,490 После этого он вернётся к нормальной еде.
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:59,030 Дорогая, извини, но это обычная змея.
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,200 Тогда где мой муж?
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:01,620 Это война, дорогая.
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:03,950 Если найдёшь другую змею, мы здесь до заката.
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,660 Кстати, спасибо. Тут мышей на три дня.
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:09,250 Спасибо за службу.
00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:10,880 И спасибо тебе, что вернулась.
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,750 Я вернулась, потому что ненавижу Афину чуть сильнее, чем твой ужасный город.
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,340 Следующая.
00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:18,090 Рада видеть, что ты готов сражаться.
00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:19,430 Еще бы.
00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:21,390 Мышей на три дня. Спасибо большое.
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:26,100 Мне сказали, что когда я превратился в змею, ты закричала "нет".
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:27,230 Ой, иди в задницу.
00:21:27,270 --> 00:21:28,180 Пошла ты.
00:21:28,270 --> 00:21:29,230 Мышей на три дня.
00:21:29,310 --> 00:21:30,770 Спасибо.

00:00:01,103 --> 00:00:03,273 Vases. Morning vases.
00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:05,210 Be the first to see the drawings of stuff
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,615 that just happened, or didn't.
00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:09,586 News, gossip, propaganda.
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:10,487 Up to you.
00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:12,058 It's on the vases.
00:00:12,058 --> 00:00:14,730 Tyrannis declared sexiest king alive.
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:15,899 Are you serious?
00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:17,969 That's the same stick figure you're always selling.
00:00:17,969 --> 00:00:19,238 Nice try, kid.
00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:21,511 Cheap king avoids vase purchase.
00:00:21,511 --> 00:00:22,613 I can have you killed.
00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:24,282 Tyrant threatens media.
00:00:24,282 --> 00:00:25,785 Hey, buddy, check it out.
00:00:25,785 --> 00:00:27,121 You're the world's greatest grandpa.
00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,091 Really? People know that?
00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:31,095 Just got declared sexiest king.
00:00:31,095 --> 00:00:33,166 Weird to be bragging about that to your sister.
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,870 All right, yeah. What's so urgent?
00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:36,273 You pulled me out of a cape fitting.
00:00:36,273 --> 00:00:37,241 Remember when you said,
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,312 "This looks like a good spot to put a city"?
00:00:39,312 --> 00:00:41,851 And I said, "Probably not, because it's a day's walk
00:00:41,851 --> 00:00:43,153 from a cannibal horde."
00:00:43,153 --> 00:00:44,957 And I said, "Everywhere is a day's walk
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,359 "from a cannibal horde.
00:00:46,359 --> 00:00:47,896 That's why cities are going to be huge."
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:48,898 What's the problem?
00:00:48,898 --> 00:00:51,102 Open up.
00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:53,206 Ew.
00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:55,076 From our neighbor, the Killassians.
00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:56,647 Well, if they're truly cannibals,
00:00:56,647 --> 00:00:59,051 maybe a flaming human head is their version
00:00:59,051 --> 00:01:00,120 of a fruit basket.
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,728 Hey, that head is your ass!
00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,665 [laughs]
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:06,700 Rise above it.
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:07,836 Teachable moment.
00:01:07,836 --> 00:01:09,172 Teachable moment?
00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:11,309 Then let me teach these farmers how to fight.
00:01:11,309 --> 00:01:13,948 Right, so then we're fighting instead of farming.
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,150 And guess what's left to eat?
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,387 That's how big cannibalism wins.
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:19,158 Look, I know I'm the little brother,
00:01:19,158 --> 00:01:20,729 but you've got to trust me.
00:01:20,729 --> 00:01:22,331 Civilization is the future.
00:01:22,331 --> 00:01:23,834 Savagery is the past.
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,304 And that past is behind us.
00:01:25,304 --> 00:01:28,209 Goddess on a monster coming in hot.
00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:29,813 The past is behind me, isn't it?
00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:31,684 - Yep. - Mom. Dad.
00:01:31,684 --> 00:01:34,021 Why are you here? And why can't you stay?
00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:36,660 We heard you were starting one of those newfangled cities
00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:39,699 from something we were eating and-or having sex with.
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,271 I certainly hope you don't expect me to stay in this dump
00:01:42,271 --> 00:01:44,108 for more than a day. - Hi.
00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:46,714 My family worships you. - A week tops.
00:01:46,714 --> 00:01:49,385 Your family's good taste shall be rewarded.
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,990 We love what you've done with spring.
00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:53,460 That is Demeter.
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:54,530 Snake.
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,967 Now, if anyone needs me, Deliria,
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:58,971 I'll be in your awkward-looking palace.
00:01:58,971 --> 00:02:00,875 You still can't die, right, Mom?
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:02,612 Of course I can't die.
00:02:02,612 --> 00:02:03,514 I'm a goddess.
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,785 What kind of idiot are you?
00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:07,789 Just one with a dream.
00:02:07,789 --> 00:02:10,761 <i>[upbeat music]</i>
00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:17,875 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:02:32,606 --> 00:02:35,076 The Killassians are testing us for weakness.
00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:37,047 We got to go to war with them.
00:02:37,047 --> 00:02:39,018 If we go to war with anyone, you know
00:02:39,018 --> 00:02:40,453 you'll be the only one left standing.
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,023 That'll technically mean we won.
00:02:42,023 --> 00:02:43,594 [loud explosion]
00:02:43,594 --> 00:02:44,563 I've done it.
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:47,334 I made an explosion on purpose, kind of.
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,140 It only took three kinds of powder and two assistants.
00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:51,743 Can we use it as a weapon?
00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,113 What do you call it?
00:02:53,113 --> 00:02:55,317 I should probably name it after Bob here.
00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:57,890 Actually, Tom contributed a lot.
00:02:57,890 --> 00:03:00,595 I'll call it the bomb.
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:04,068 Hippocampus, didn't I ask you to invent a written language?
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,571 [scoffs] Written language.
00:03:05,571 --> 00:03:08,276 Bro, I love you, but I didn't become a scientist
00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:09,780 to make normal people smarter.
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:14,823 I did it to make them terrified of my god-like power.
00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:15,825 Uppies, please.
00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:17,127 So there you go, Ty.
00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:18,731 Now we can go to war with whoever we want.
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,969 We have the baah-aaahm.
00:03:20,969 --> 00:03:22,004 Just say "bomb."
00:03:22,004 --> 00:03:23,541 You sound like a caveperson.
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,912 We're not going to defeat barbarians by blowing up
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:27,248 women and children.
00:03:27,348 --> 00:03:29,151 How's that going to make me look on a vase?
00:03:29,151 --> 00:03:30,555 Tough on barbarism?
00:03:30,555 --> 00:03:31,456 Alive?
00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:33,159 How did this family get so cynical?
00:03:33,159 --> 00:03:36,365 Prepare to disappoint the goddess Deliria.
00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:39,038 [loud whooshing]
00:03:39,038 --> 00:03:41,810 Why is there a slab of wood here?
00:03:41,810 --> 00:03:42,812 It's a door.
00:03:42,812 --> 00:03:44,182 Turn the knob.
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,085 There was no wood slab here yesterday.
00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:47,187 Turn the knob.
00:03:47,187 --> 00:03:49,058 I don't know what a knob is.
00:03:49,058 --> 00:03:50,695 Mom, reach down.
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:54,234 Must mortals fill every empty space with crap made of wood?
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,673 It's called civilization, Mother.
00:03:56,773 --> 00:03:57,676 Oh, yeah, catchy name.
00:03:57,776 --> 00:03:58,745 That'll stick.
00:03:58,745 --> 00:03:59,746 How'd everyone sleep?
00:03:59,746 --> 00:04:00,982 I'll go first.
00:04:00,982 --> 00:04:02,184 With your mother, and erotically.
00:04:02,184 --> 00:04:03,086 What are we eating? Don't care.
00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:04,656 I love it.
00:04:04,656 --> 00:04:06,760 Tyrannis, where are your slaves building my temple?
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,062 [both clear throats]
00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:12,270 [clears throat]
00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:14,475 They're citizens, not slaves.
00:04:14,475 --> 00:04:16,580 We're doing more of a modern thing,
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:18,617 which doesn't really include temples.
00:04:18,617 --> 00:04:20,487 Will you look at the length of these shadows?
00:04:20,487 --> 00:04:22,357 I may or may not be late for a meeting.
00:04:22,357 --> 00:04:24,027 Please invent a way to tell time.
00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,533 For all you know, I'm ahead of schedule on that.
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,506 You're supposed to make people worship me, boy.
00:04:29,506 --> 00:04:31,375 I didn't create you for the fun of it.
00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:32,444 Well, I did.
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,248 But I admit, I had the fun part.
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,186 All the other modern cities have temples,
00:04:36,186 --> 00:04:38,490 most of them to Athena, the sweaty bitch.
00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:41,930 I hear that Athena gets all those temples
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,168 because she has a secret.
00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,504 She does?
00:04:45,504 --> 00:04:47,107 Well, not that I care, but what is it?
00:04:47,107 --> 00:04:49,311 They say she has the slightest
00:04:49,411 --> 00:04:51,984 amount of human appeal.
00:04:51,984 --> 00:04:53,319 Ah!
00:04:53,319 --> 00:04:54,656 Don't be upset with him, Love.
00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:56,325 He lashes out when cornered.
00:04:56,325 --> 00:04:58,029 He gets that from his part scorpion, part lion,
00:04:58,029 --> 00:04:59,298 part eagle, part horse side.
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:00,534 Nobody upsets me.
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,304 Least of all by comparing me to Athena,
00:05:02,304 --> 00:05:04,309 because I'm not a farty, fart face hack.
00:05:04,309 --> 00:05:08,851 Random animal exit.
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:12,057 [coughing]
00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:13,159 Oh, damn it.
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:18,269 Random land animal exit.
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:21,509 How is she hot even as an ostrich?
00:05:23,514 --> 00:05:26,352 Hey, I just wanted to tell you, I think your bomb
00:05:26,352 --> 00:05:28,256 was awesome-- beyond awesome.
00:05:28,256 --> 00:05:29,960 Words don't even describe it.
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,030 It's just like the bomb.
00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:33,266 Yeah.
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,435 Well, that and three sandals will
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:38,409 buy me a cup of goat milk.
00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:41,550 Guess I'll just start working on a written language.
00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:44,054 This is so boring.
00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,290 I hate it.
00:05:45,290 --> 00:05:46,325 Upside-down boobs.
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:48,096 Is that something?
00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:49,498 Hey, watch the science.
00:05:49,498 --> 00:05:52,371 How did we end up working for our little brother?
00:05:52,371 --> 00:05:54,008 What's he even good at?
00:05:54,008 --> 00:05:56,279 From what I've seen, he tells powerless people
00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:57,849 they're powerful.
00:05:57,849 --> 00:06:00,019 And they like that, so they give him all their power.
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:01,657 He doesn't know what he's doing, though.
00:06:01,657 --> 00:06:04,295 The Killassians are dangerous, violent barbarians
00:06:04,295 --> 00:06:06,667 that need to die, explodingly.
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,704 But if we go behind his back we'll lose our jobs.
00:06:08,704 --> 00:06:11,142 If it's behind his back he won't know.
00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:12,477 That's a good point.
00:06:12,477 --> 00:06:13,914 Maybe you're more than just strong?
00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:14,983 What?
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,219 Take that back. - No need.
00:06:16,319 --> 00:06:17,922 You just proved it.
00:06:17,922 --> 00:06:19,292 Calm down, everybody.
00:06:19,292 --> 00:06:20,694 You're acting like it's the first flaming
00:06:20,694 --> 00:06:22,464 human head that's been put on a stick out there
00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:24,536 when the truth is, it's the third.
00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:25,738 [crowd muttering]
00:06:25,738 --> 00:06:27,108 Sounds like a lot of you didn't know that.
00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:28,376 I see a hand raised.
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:30,080 I thought cities were supposed
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,516 to be safer than wilderness.
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,253 I've lived in the wilderness.
00:06:33,253 --> 00:06:35,056 There were no flaming heads there.
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:39,164 Guys, forget them I'm, and let's get real.
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,606 Can someone tell the throne-maker
00:06:42,606 --> 00:06:43,975 I like to get real?
00:06:43,975 --> 00:06:45,209 He'll know what I mean.
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:47,281 You know why scary guys act scary?
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,583 They're lazy.
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:50,788 If you run away, less work for them.
00:06:50,788 --> 00:06:54,863 To scare them back, we have to be even lazier.
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:55,598 [together] Huh?
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:57,267 That's the point of civilization,
00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:01,409 refusing to move, planting your food next to your bed,
00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:02,778 eating it when you feel like it,
00:07:02,778 --> 00:07:06,152 and pooping it right where you buried your parents.
00:07:06,152 --> 00:07:07,354 [together] Oh.
00:07:07,354 --> 00:07:09,124 You want to make these barbarians go away?
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,995 Become hard work.
00:07:11,095 --> 00:07:12,397 Get slow.
00:07:12,397 --> 00:07:13,534 Get fat.
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,003 Get boring.
00:07:15,003 --> 00:07:17,808 Rise up, and sit down.
00:07:17,808 --> 00:07:18,877 [all cheering]
00:07:18,877 --> 00:07:20,013 Excuse me.
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:22,652 I just wanted to add, I also love civilization.
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:25,090 And I hope religion will be a part of it.
00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:28,062 I mean, I, myself, love praying to your mother,
00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:29,498 the great Deliria.
00:07:29,498 --> 00:07:32,171 Oh, by the way, do you not even have a place where
00:07:32,171 --> 00:07:34,275 everybody, like, prays or--
00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,678 Oh, wow.
00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,381 A mysterious bearded traveler that no one
00:07:37,381 --> 00:07:39,051 has met in their entire life.
00:07:39,051 --> 00:07:40,186 How often does that happen?
00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:41,590 Oh, just when my mom drinks.
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:45,163 Behold, I was me the whole time.
00:07:45,263 --> 00:07:46,566 [all gasp]
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,171 You all passed some kind of test I was doing.
00:07:49,171 --> 00:07:50,173 Yes, yes.
00:07:50,173 --> 00:07:51,442 We passed a test.
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:52,712 My mother, ladies and gentlemen,
00:07:52,712 --> 00:07:54,616 the goddess of quitting while she's ahead.
00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,085 Fine. I'll go.
00:07:56,085 --> 00:07:57,120 We love you, Deliria.
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,423 OK, I'll stay.
00:07:58,423 --> 00:07:59,826 Keep it going for your king, everybody.
00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:01,963 Ruling isn't easy, clearly.
00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:03,199 [laughter]
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,368 I'm joking.
00:08:04,368 --> 00:08:05,904 My boy was born to be a king.
00:08:05,904 --> 00:08:09,011 What other job is there for a virgin in his 30s
00:08:09,011 --> 00:08:10,179 who can't swing a sword?
00:08:10,179 --> 00:08:11,884 [laughter]
00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:12,952 I'm 29.
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:13,920 Sorry, dear.
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,190 Can't quite hear you when you talk
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,593 all the way through your nose.
00:08:16,593 --> 00:08:18,496 He didn't get the voice of a conqueror.
00:08:18,496 --> 00:08:20,366 But on the plus side, he didn't get
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,004 any other parts of one either.
00:08:22,004 --> 00:08:23,106 [laughter]
00:08:23,106 --> 00:08:24,576 You know what's really funny?
00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,479 She gets to live forever, but she's dead inside.
00:08:26,479 --> 00:08:30,053 And it's her fault I'm terrible with women.
00:08:30,153 --> 00:08:31,221 I agree.
00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:32,391 It's not laugh-out-loud funny.
00:08:32,391 --> 00:08:33,794 Here's the truth.
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:35,497 She's only here because she's out of options.
00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:37,869 She had power, but she squandered it.
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:39,539 Now she needs worshippers,
00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:41,175 and she thinks you're stupid enough
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:43,212 to build her a temple.
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:44,248 Let's do it.
00:08:44,248 --> 00:08:45,483 [cheers and applause]
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:49,258 all: Temple, temple, temple, temple, temple.
00:08:49,258 --> 00:08:53,567 Deliria, goddess of human appeal.
00:08:58,309 --> 00:09:01,282 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:09:01,282 --> 00:09:02,718 Son, quick question.
00:09:02,718 --> 00:09:05,089 With humans domesticating animals,
00:09:05,089 --> 00:09:07,460 which ones are off the table sexually?
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,664 What's all this?
00:09:08,664 --> 00:09:10,702 This is enchanted god-proof armor.
00:09:10,702 --> 00:09:13,339 I've been saving it for the day I kill mother.
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:14,709 Step aside.
00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:17,582 If you got that from Xantheses in Nigeria,
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:19,920 you should know it's made of tin.
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:21,288 Enchanted tin.
00:09:21,288 --> 00:09:22,323 Ow.
00:09:22,323 --> 00:09:23,426 It's cutting me.
00:09:23,426 --> 00:09:24,461 He's a swindler, son.
00:09:24,461 --> 00:09:25,764 Get it off.
00:09:25,764 --> 00:09:27,902 You're wearing a suit of scissors.
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:30,107 You don't really want to kill your mother, do you?
00:09:30,107 --> 00:09:31,208 Why?
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,145 Would you help me or stop me?
00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:34,782 Exactly.
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,087 Dad, you can't give me advice, because you don't do anything,
00:09:37,087 --> 00:09:39,992 except from what it sounds like, the occasional chicken.
00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:41,763 You're wrong about me, son.
00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:44,134 I specifically came here to get a ruling on the chicken
00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:45,403 situation before I--
00:09:45,403 --> 00:09:47,308 You know who's good at all the things Mom respects?
00:09:47,308 --> 00:09:48,644 A bunch of dead people.
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:49,846 You know who's going to run the future?
00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:52,852 Diplomats, negotiators, dealmakers,
00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:55,591 people that make things work, like me
00:09:55,591 --> 00:09:57,494 if she'd get out of my way.
00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:58,564 I believe you, son.
00:09:58,564 --> 00:09:59,899 Humanity's on the rise.
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,037 What you've done to the chicken alone--
00:10:02,037 --> 00:10:03,072 Dad.
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:04,008 May I just ask?
00:10:04,008 --> 00:10:06,747 If your divine gift is for dealmaking,
00:10:06,747 --> 00:10:10,955 why is it you can't deal with your mother?
00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:13,193 OK, put those over there.
00:10:13,193 --> 00:10:14,294 That should be straighter.
00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,633 No. Look, make it like that.
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,336 Can't you just do that four times and--
00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,539 And make my own temple?
00:10:19,539 --> 00:10:20,541 Brilliant pitch.
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:21,776 Here's another one.
00:10:21,776 --> 00:10:22,979 Anyone else looking to collaborate?
00:10:22,979 --> 00:10:24,081 Hello.
00:10:24,181 --> 00:10:26,118 If you're concealing a Nigerian god-killing dagger,
00:10:26,118 --> 00:10:27,153 I have bad news.
00:10:27,153 --> 00:10:28,022 I'm here to deal.
00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:29,659 You have nothing to offer.
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:31,797 If that were true, you wouldn't be here.
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,569 When I had you, I had a dream that you would conquer
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,105 the world, gods and all.
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,475 And when they looked up and said, "Who are you?"
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:40,648 you'd say, "I'm the son of Deliria.
00:10:40,648 --> 00:10:42,752 And you should have been nicer to her."
00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:44,255 It's not a bad dream, Mom.
00:10:44,255 --> 00:10:46,325 But we might have to help each other out.
00:10:46,325 --> 00:10:48,062 My city needs protection.
00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,231 You need a temple.
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:50,267 These people need a break.
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,302 I've tried that.
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,539 They're mostly broken.
00:10:52,639 --> 00:10:54,141 I've been animating their limbs.
00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:55,911 <i>[mystical chime]</i>
00:10:57,413 --> 00:10:58,817 Explain this one more time.
00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:00,955 We give them a giant, wooden horse.
00:11:00,955 --> 00:11:03,927 They assume there's dudes in it, so they set it on fire.
00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:07,467 But there's a bomb in it, so kaboom.
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,536 OK, but why a horse?
00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:09,939 I don't know.
00:11:09,939 --> 00:11:12,244 I just asked myself, what's the single dumbest gift
00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:13,312 you could ever give someone?
00:11:13,312 --> 00:11:14,315 Close enough.
00:11:14,315 --> 00:11:16,285 Let's jam.
00:11:16,285 --> 00:11:18,322 Hey.
00:11:18,322 --> 00:11:22,932 I am Asskill, son of Kill, slayer of Ass.
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,436 - Cool. - Condolences to Ass.
00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:28,209 Are you just giving this to us?
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,311 It's gorgeous.
00:11:29,311 --> 00:11:31,282 I wouldn't go that far.
00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:35,323 If I were you, I'd set it on fire, later.
00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:36,492 You nuts?
00:11:36,492 --> 00:11:38,663 I'm going to cherish it forever.
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:41,636 You're that sure there aren't dudes in it?
00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:43,908 May as well set it on fire, later.
00:11:43,908 --> 00:11:46,580 Why does it seem really important to you
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,082 that we set this on fire?
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:52,625 In our culture, possession is fleeting, like horses,
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:56,833 whereas fire is eternal, like friendship.
00:11:57,668 --> 00:11:59,872 Then I love your culture.
00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:01,943 I declare peace with Krapopolis.
00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:05,483 We feast tonight around the burning horse of friendship.
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:06,687 [all cheering]
00:12:06,687 --> 00:12:09,358 [percussive music]
00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:11,128 This is so awkward.
00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:14,268 You know, our people have never danced until tonight?
00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:15,270 You wouldn't know.
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:17,140 Sorry we're taking so long lighting the horse.
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:19,712 I wanted to make sure all our oldest women
00:12:19,712 --> 00:12:22,551 and youngest children were seated closest to it.
00:12:22,551 --> 00:12:23,987 We're going to take off.
00:12:23,987 --> 00:12:27,761 But listen, you probably shouldn't light the horse.
00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:29,031 Oh, we're lighting it, baby.
00:12:29,031 --> 00:12:30,801 Everyone in the world is going to see it
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:34,341 and know that the hatred and violence stops now.
00:12:34,341 --> 00:12:37,615 [both sobbing]
00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:39,351 It's OK to cry.
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:40,588 I'll cry with you.
00:12:40,588 --> 00:12:42,692 It's acceptable to be vulnerable now.
00:12:42,692 --> 00:12:44,529 Thanks to you.
00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:46,465 The horse is a bomb.
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:48,771 What's a bomb?
00:12:48,871 --> 00:12:52,912 A horrible, devastating, really cool new weapon
00:12:52,912 --> 00:12:57,454 designed to kill all of you at the same time.
00:12:57,454 --> 00:13:01,429 [sobbing]
00:13:01,429 --> 00:13:03,266 Seize them!
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,635 No.
00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:06,271 Don't resist.
00:13:06,271 --> 00:13:08,309 We have to.
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:11,482 Sorry. Sorry.
00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:13,453 Stop hitting everyone.
00:13:13,453 --> 00:13:14,823 I have to.
00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:17,427 You're terrible people.
00:13:17,427 --> 00:13:19,866 We know that now.
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:23,472 You guys are good dancers.
00:13:23,472 --> 00:13:25,443 We love you.
00:13:25,443 --> 00:13:28,784 [grunting]
00:13:28,784 --> 00:13:29,786 You want to slow me down a little?
00:13:29,786 --> 00:13:30,855 My neck breaks.
00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:32,624 I've waited too long for this.
00:13:32,624 --> 00:13:34,930 It's not as if the gods are going to come running back
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,232 as soon as I lay the last--
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,568 Oh, my goddess.
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:38,837 brick.
00:13:38,837 --> 00:13:40,507 Look who's back at temple level.
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,244 Hermes.
00:13:42,244 --> 00:13:42,979 both: Mwah! Mwah!
00:13:42,979 --> 00:13:44,481 Enjoying your drink, mortal?
00:13:44,582 --> 00:13:45,518 - I don't have-- - Me neither.
00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:46,620 Regrettable, no?
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,156 Fetch two nectars, Ty-Ty.
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:49,692 You're missed on Olympus.
00:13:49,692 --> 00:13:50,695 That's a lie.
00:13:50,695 --> 00:13:52,263 I don't lie, bitch.
00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:54,669 I mean, nobody says how they feel on Olympus, Zeus forbid.
00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:55,971 Bleh.
00:13:55,971 --> 00:13:57,508 But two steps off the mountain, you know,
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,846 all the real gods are like, "I miss Deliria."
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:01,516 Shut up. Who?
00:14:01,516 --> 00:14:02,484 Uh, gee. Apollo.
00:14:02,484 --> 00:14:03,687 Uh, gee. Artemis.
00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:05,023 Uh, gee. Athena.
00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:07,260 Stop. Stop. Stop. Athena said she misses me?
00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:08,730 Why would that surprise you?
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:09,799 You need to realize who you are.
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,736 Thank you, little drink maker.
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:13,039 In fact, that's why I'm here.
00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:15,343 I guess there's a city over there.
00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:16,145 Killasses?
00:14:16,145 --> 00:14:17,682 Uh, Ty, gods talking.
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:20,353 Anyway, Killasses is marching here to invade this city.
00:14:20,353 --> 00:14:23,860 And seems like the Killassians worship Athena,
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:27,233 and seems like this city worships you.
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,570 Awkward.
00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:30,707 But Athena says she's willing to stay hands off if you are.
00:14:30,707 --> 00:14:35,250 And she'd love to talk about getting you back on Olympus.
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:36,118 OK.
00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:37,555 Well, hands off then.
00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:38,657 Good to know.
00:14:38,657 --> 00:14:39,692 That's what I deal in.
00:14:39,692 --> 00:14:40,794 Good things to know.
00:14:40,794 --> 00:14:41,797 Get used to me.
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,334 Super speed.
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,539 Hands off?
00:14:46,539 --> 00:14:47,774 We gave you a temple.
00:14:47,774 --> 00:14:49,144 Did I really get a temple, though?
00:14:49,144 --> 00:14:50,781 Sounds like it's going to be Athena's.
00:14:50,781 --> 00:14:52,216 You hear? Invasion coming.
00:14:52,216 --> 00:14:54,789 I assume we're abandoning civilization,
00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:56,693 except for this cup, which I'd love to keep.
00:14:56,693 --> 00:14:59,498 The two of you everything I hate about this world.
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:00,500 You're right, son.
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,903 Attachment is dangerous.
00:15:01,903 --> 00:15:03,807 You'd let your entire family die to boost
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:05,778 your Olympian social status?
00:15:05,778 --> 00:15:07,180 My mortal family.
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,850 You die no matter what.
00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:11,021 I also have an immortal family.
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:12,925 The social stakes are higher when
00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:14,461 your social life is forever.
00:15:14,461 --> 00:15:16,866 I can't believe I ever admired you.
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:18,737 You certainly never said you did.
00:15:18,737 --> 00:15:20,307 I couldn't. I was a baby.
00:15:20,307 --> 00:15:22,343 It doesn't take long to stop liking you.
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:25,416 I guess gods and mortals have that in common.
00:15:26,819 --> 00:15:28,389 You try to raise them right.
00:15:28,389 --> 00:15:29,458 I blame you.
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:31,495 I can't shape a vase when the clay is half turd.
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:37,541 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:39,545 <i>♪ ♪</i>
00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:40,780 We may die today.
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:41,782 How likely?
00:15:41,782 --> 00:15:42,785 I don't know.
00:15:42,785 --> 00:15:44,154 Like guaranteed?
00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:46,025 It's a speech, Steve, not an interview.
00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:47,628 Can we do questions later?
00:15:47,628 --> 00:15:49,064 Doesn't sound like it.
00:15:49,064 --> 00:15:51,936 If we die today, it will be my honor
00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:53,673 to die with most of you.
00:15:53,673 --> 00:15:55,276 Is that directed at me?
00:15:55,276 --> 00:15:56,345 Yes.
00:15:56,345 --> 00:15:57,915 Hey, Ty, I have a pretty intense war machine
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,786 that probably won't turn the tide of battle
00:15:59,786 --> 00:16:02,658 but will definitely look really cool during the battle,
00:16:02,658 --> 00:16:03,694 and I--
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:04,695 Do whatever you want.
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,331 Thank you.
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:08,904 Hey, listen, go hide.
00:16:08,904 --> 00:16:10,841 I can tell them you hung yourself.
00:16:10,841 --> 00:16:12,778 A lot of kings do it in this situation.
00:16:12,778 --> 00:16:14,081 It's a thing. - Nah.
00:16:14,081 --> 00:16:15,416 This is my fault.
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,721 You saved my life a lot when we were kids.
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:19,124 I tried to kill you a lot too.
00:16:19,124 --> 00:16:21,562 Well, mission accomplished.
00:16:26,071 --> 00:16:28,075 Hi. I'm Tyrannis.
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,079 I brought you a basket of... olives.
00:16:30,079 --> 00:16:32,752 Just tell me how you want to die.
00:16:32,752 --> 00:16:34,756 That's fair. Oh, wow.
00:16:34,756 --> 00:16:35,724 You're big.
00:16:35,724 --> 00:16:36,860 Sorry.
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:38,296 Oh.
00:16:38,296 --> 00:16:38,963 Ah.
00:16:38,963 --> 00:16:41,101 Uh, it's my first battle.
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,072 How are you even a king?
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:45,644 This will not shock you, but I sort of
00:16:45,644 --> 00:16:47,447 talked my way into the job.
00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:51,155 My end game was to make a world that ran on talking.
00:16:51,155 --> 00:16:52,558 Clearly, for selfish reasons.
00:16:52,558 --> 00:16:55,229 But I told my brother and sister, "Let's not fight
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:56,832 these guys; let's talk to them."
00:16:56,832 --> 00:16:58,001 Oh, they talk.
00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,471 That's all you people do.
00:16:59,471 --> 00:17:02,745 Called us friends so you could explode our children.
00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,414 You can't be trusted.
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,253 You're right.
00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:10,259 Because we took your trust, and we didn't give any back.
00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:12,130 So what if we trusted you now?
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:15,571 What if we just open our gates and let you in.
00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:16,606 Please do.
00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:17,942 It's called an invasion.
00:17:17,942 --> 00:17:19,410 Or an invitation.
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:22,752 What if we welcomed you in and gave you our trust
00:17:22,752 --> 00:17:24,121 until we earn yours back?
00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:26,224 We're farmers; you're fighters.
00:17:26,224 --> 00:17:29,297 If we combine our strengths, we could build something
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:33,807 greater than any other city, an alliance, an empire.
00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:34,942 What's an empire?
00:17:35,042 --> 00:17:36,045 I don't know yet.
00:17:36,045 --> 00:17:38,550 But it's going to be huge.
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:40,152 What is happening?
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:43,660 We're discussing things.
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,163 So I noticed.
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:46,833 I'm not the goddess of conversation, you wet fart.
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,538 Conquer these people and make them worship me.
00:17:49,538 --> 00:17:50,574 Athena--
00:17:50,574 --> 00:17:52,043 Uh, did I address you?
00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:55,049 Who are you even ever even?
00:17:55,049 --> 00:17:56,953 I'm the son of Deliria,
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,757 and you should have been nicer to her.
00:17:58,757 --> 00:17:59,758 Excuse me?
00:17:59,758 --> 00:18:01,896 You heard him.
00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:03,165 Mama?
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,467 But apparently, I heard wrong.
00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:07,541 I was told this war was hands off.
00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:08,576 Deliria.
00:18:08,576 --> 00:18:10,480 Athena, goddess of-- what's the list up to now,
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,554 war, wisdom, over-the-top outfits, and daddy issues?
00:18:13,554 --> 00:18:14,487 OK.
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:16,191 So we're going to talk about wardrobe?
00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:18,028 Are you attacking ever or--
00:18:18,028 --> 00:18:19,164 You can say no.
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,534 You're joking, right?
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,669 Attack!
00:18:21,669 --> 00:18:23,205 - Attack! - Ahh!
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:24,341 You are aware that we can, like,
00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:26,579 change our clothing, bodies too.
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:27,615 You'd know.
00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:29,885 You change your face in every conversation.
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:31,454 - [grunts] - Ah.
00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:32,457 [grunts]
00:18:32,457 --> 00:18:33,492 Ah.
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:36,632 How about I change your army into snakes?
00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:37,635 Snakes?
00:18:37,635 --> 00:18:39,037 So lazy.
00:18:39,037 --> 00:18:41,074 So you never turn people into snakes?
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:42,143 Constantly.
00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:43,345 When I'm lazy. - Snake.
00:18:43,345 --> 00:18:45,483 Snake. Snake. Snake. Snake.
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:46,919 Right. This is what you look like.
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:50,894 Snake. Snake. Snake. Snake. Snake.
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:53,499 [screams] [bones crunching]
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:54,735 [shouts]
00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:58,342 - Snake. Snake. - Snake. Snake.
00:18:58,342 --> 00:19:00,012 - [grunts] - [grunts]
00:19:00,012 --> 00:19:01,481 [grunts]
00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,865 [crowd screams]
00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:11,168 [both grunting]
00:19:11,168 --> 00:19:13,973 You think you'll ever be back on Olympus again?
00:19:13,973 --> 00:19:16,078 It's sad you try.
00:19:16,078 --> 00:19:17,581 Sadder that you care.
00:19:17,581 --> 00:19:21,989 Oh, I don't care about trash, but I still take it out.
00:19:21,989 --> 00:19:23,860 I guess you just sleep with it.
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,129 Excuse me.
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:27,834 Would you mind not slut-shaming my mom?
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,003 She is my mom.
00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:30,740 I owe my life to her being a slut.
00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,043 Sorry.
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:34,515 I can't hear you over the sound of snake.
00:19:34,515 --> 00:19:35,684 No.
00:19:35,684 --> 00:19:37,286 Aw, no family left.
00:19:37,286 --> 00:19:39,558 You couldn't even make your own.
00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:43,599 Someone tell Tyrannis I'm doing something.
00:19:44,669 --> 00:19:47,006 Run!
00:19:47,006 --> 00:19:50,279 [loud explosion]
00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:55,256 All hail Deliria.
00:19:55,256 --> 00:19:59,397 [cheers and applause]
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,139 What is me?
00:20:03,139 --> 00:20:05,375 I can smell heat with my tongue.
00:20:06,144 --> 00:20:07,413 Ugh.
00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:09,151 I'm not mentioning today to anyone,
00:20:09,151 --> 00:20:11,322 unless I ever see you again.
00:20:11,322 --> 00:20:12,892 Ahh! Like I care.
00:20:12,892 --> 00:20:14,027 Get off me.
00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:15,396 Like I care about any of you.
00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:17,333 Like I care about anything.
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,705 Like I even care about myself.
00:20:19,705 --> 00:20:21,609 Like I even have to.
00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:25,249 Hail Tyrannis.
00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:26,786 Say something to your people.
00:20:26,786 --> 00:20:27,821 Sure.
00:20:27,921 --> 00:20:32,832 I have strange legs, hot sun, danger, only mice.
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:33,967 Find mice.
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,002 Delicious mice.
00:20:35,002 --> 00:20:36,271 Warm sun forever.
00:20:36,271 --> 00:20:37,808 You get the king you get.
00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:38,810 Now cheer.
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,780 all: Yay.
00:20:49,932 --> 00:20:50,868 Thank you.
00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,103 Next.
00:20:52,103 --> 00:20:53,540 There's three days of mice in here.
00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:56,378 After that, he should be back to normal meals.
00:20:56,378 --> 00:20:58,916 Darling, I'm sorry, but that one is just a snake.
00:20:58,916 --> 00:21:00,152 Then where's my husband?
00:21:00,152 --> 00:21:01,523 It's war, honey.
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:03,860 If you find another snake, we're here until sundown.
00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:05,162 [sobs]
00:21:05,162 --> 00:21:06,364 Thanks for doing this, by the way.
00:21:06,364 --> 00:21:07,467 There's three days of mice in here.
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,171 Thank you for your service.
00:21:09,171 --> 00:21:10,773 And, you know, thank you for coming back.
00:21:10,773 --> 00:21:13,145 I came back because I hate Athena slightly more
00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:14,682 than your awful city.
00:21:14,682 --> 00:21:16,251 Next.
00:21:16,251 --> 00:21:17,988 Pleased me to see you willing to fight.
00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:19,324 I bet.
00:21:19,324 --> 00:21:21,327 Three days of mice. Thank you so much.
00:21:21,327 --> 00:21:24,300 Someone told me that when I got turned into a snake,
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,038 you screamed no.
00:21:26,038 --> 00:21:27,139 Oh, stick it up your ass.
00:21:27,139 --> 00:21:28,141 Screw you.
00:21:28,141 --> 00:21:29,177 Three days of mice.
00:21:29,177 --> 00:21:30,780 Thank you.
00:21:31,147 --> 00:21:32,884 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
00:21:35,055 --> 00:21:36,859 <i>Bento. [all cheer]</i>

Скриншоты

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 1

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 2

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 3

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 4

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 5

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 6

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 7

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 8

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 9

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 10

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 11

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 12

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 13

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 14

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 15

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 16

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 17

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 18

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 19

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 20

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 21

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 22

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 23

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 24

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 25

Да здравствует богиня привлекательности! — скриншот 26